My parents are very religious and conservative. Like tea party member, the Catholic church has gone downhill since they stopped speaking exclusively in Latin religious/conservative. I am not. I respect it, but it's just not me or FI. Neither of us believe in a deity of any sort.
Thankfully though my parents do love my fiancee and are excited that we're getting married. One of the first things that my mom asked was whether we'd get married in a church, while FI was talking about something else. We both said no and the conversation continued. My mom seemed to be okay with that and I thought, phew, okay no more of that. That was easy enough.
Well when things seem too good to be true...
Not long after we went to check out some venues and I mentioned something about cost and she said brightly, "well you know you can get married in the church for free!" The rest of our visit was sprinkled throughout with many other not so subtle hints. She was delighted to learn that FI was baptized as a baby as was I, eliminating some hassle from the process of getting married Catholic, and obviously this means we should totally do it. But she'd never tell us what to do and it's our day and we need to do what we're comfortable with.
Followed by emails after we left. She said more about getting married at the church, including anecdotes about lovely weddings of acquaintances that she's been to since I stopped going to church and how we don't need to feel bad about getting married in a church even if we don't intend on ever going again and that people do it all the time.
Then she mentioned something about a "wedding planning DVD" that she'd send. I was like okay mom, whatever makes you feel helpful even though we have this crazy internet thing these days. But I figured worst case it would have really dated attire or something.
Well I got it today. It's not your general wedding guide. It's called I Do: Keys to a Happy Marriage. Okay, not too bad. But the back description syas "Addressed to all those aiming to marry in the Catholic church" and includes chapter titles like "Relationships, Without Sex?", "Marriage? What For?" and "Can There Be Happiness without Values?"
Like I said, I have respect for the church and do not want to hurt any feelings, but do not identify with it at all. The two of us getting married in a church would be as ridiculous as them getting married on an elephant in India. For one, I feel it is disrespectful to use a church and its services to get married when you aren't part of it. For two, I have always envisioned getting married outside and that isn't possible the Catholic way (unless I went with my mom's suggestion that we do the official part ahead of time at the church and then a PPD reenacting it outside later- yep she's evidently quite hellbent on this!). For three, that's just not who we are. We aren't religious, we aren't spiritual, we dislike being in a church and we identify as strongly with that as anyone else does with being Christian or what have you.
We haven't led her on at all. We made it very clear from the get go that this is not on the table. I would rather do a Vegas or courthouse wedding than a church one. I guess this is a rant more than anything but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to hear similar stories or hints as to how to get her to let it go. My sis had the big fat church wedding so it's not like this is her only chance to see her daughter get married just the way she always dreamed.
FTR, we're paying for it, so that's not a factor. I really don't think it'll get to a point where they'll refuse to go or anything like that, but I would really like to put a stop to this as pleasantly as possible.