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Fights about schedules

Blackbird230Blackbird230 member
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in Not Engaged Yet
BF and I recently got into a spat last night/into this morning regarding conflicting schedules. He's not too great with remembering when things are and in this case, the organization didn't tell him a straight up date so it was confusing to begin with and ended up being a major conflict. On top of that, he had made plans with one of his guy friends and the guy friend messaged me about it and I had no idea the plans existed even. We're slightly LD (only an hour apart so not really but enough to only see each other on weekends) and we already had plans set on the date the organization tried to change the event to. We worked it out, however he's still upset because he feels like he caused the fight and everything else.

Once you guys get fights resolved and the problem is fixed, any suggestions how to get over the after feelings? I'm working today and he's home so we can't exactly just kiss and make up or anything else.

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Re: Fights about schedules

  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
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    Time apart helps, in my book. After we've apologized and resolved the issue, we do something fun and/or relaxing. And there's always make-up sex. :D
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  • queenofhearts1728queenofhearts1728
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    My BF and I like our space after fights. Even when we make up, we still kind of keep to ourselves until the leftover feelings calm down/go away. I'll read or something and he'll play video games or whatever else. We may even watch tv together, just something where we don't have to talk to each other.  So for us, him being home and me at work would be perfect lol 
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  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 member
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    @Amapola14 and @queenofhearts1728

    Yeah I'm thinking it helps. I also just kind of confirmed the fact that we're going to hurt each other sometimes. We're going to get into fights and it won't be pretty. But the true strength is working it out, accepting our faults and coming out stronger. Yay for learning the ropes of a new relationship. Figuring out how we fight.

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  • queenofhearts1728queenofhearts1728
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    Also, even if we're still in butt-hurt mode, saying something nice really helps lesson those feelings a lot. It's kind of hard to stay mad at someone who just told you how much they love you.
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  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
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    *hugs* Fights do suck. BF and I had a little one last night too. (He was a smart cookie and apologized right away though, lol, because he was being an ass.) It does take a minute for things to feel "right" again, but they will. Just enjoy your space today at work, and ease back into it when you both get home. It'll feel better soon.
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  • phiraphira member
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    My partner and I have had trouble with the making-up part of fighting. It often feels impossible to get past the whole, "Well, even if we've resolved this, I'm so fucking mad!!" part of the fight, and get to the, "Oh I'm so sorry we fought, let's have make-up sex/cuddles" part.

    What I think might work for us is a combination of getting some space and then getting physical contact and apologizing, after you're past the fight. It's hard to tell when the fight is really over, but if you feel like you're just angry because you fought, and you just want the fight to be over, that's probably it. When we get to that point, we'll usually take a break and brood for 10-15 minutes alone, and then one of us will come in and hug the other and apologize, and the fight just sort of melts at that point.
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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    How to get over feelings...

    1)  Vent to friends
    2)  Space
    3)  Time
    4)  Sex

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  • minskat30minskat30 member
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    I'm not a fan of time apart after a fight after it is resolved (i.e., totally a fan of time apart to cool down in an argument though)...just leaves me feeling worse.  H and I usually talk it out and if there is still hurt feelings we will do sometime nice for each other (pick up the dishes when it isn't your turn, buy him a special treat at the store, etc.) even when its the other person who may have hurt your feelings. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I think letting go of those lingering bad feelings is something that takes a little practice and commitment. Like at first you work on the behavior and try not to act out on those bad feelings, and eventually you don't have to make such a conscious effort and they start to melt off faster. The best thing I ever did for myself, during a previous relationship that had a lot of those big blowouts and lingering resentments, was to take a 6 week meditation course. It really unlocked a lot of those reactive patterns internally. It also helps just to get out of the house and do something fun and distracting that will sweep you up into a better mood! 
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