How to have a casual wedding?

peaches827 · September 2013

Hi everyone!

I am seriously struggling with the idea of a "traditional" wedding. I would LOVE to get married in private with just family, then have a BBQ with friends & family to celebrate. I want to wear a casual dress & have people stop by during a certain time (ex: from 6-9), sort of like a graduation party. We have a lot of friends who live out of town & we would feel bad inviting people to coming to a "wedding" without providing them with the tradition experience of a plated dinner, being at the ceremony, etc. How can we have our dream wedding while still being respectful to our invitees? Thanks!

manateehugger · September 2013

Tradition isn't the same as etiquette. So you may have as non-formal, non-traditional wedding as you want, but you must still properly host your guests (which it sounds like you want to do - which is great).

It sounds like you'd like a private ceremony. Those are technically fine as long as you keep that guest list very small (20 or less is the usual recommendation). I personally am very disappointed when I'm not invited to the ceremony (the whole point of the day) and am less likely to attend just a reception.

Are you planning on having the reception the same day? I think an informal backyard BBQ reception sounds great. Just make sure you have enough food and drink for everyone. Also make sure you have a chair for every butt. Tables would be nice as well. You must serve enough food to constitute a meal if you're having this celebration during a meal time.

I'd just have a solid start time to the reception (say 6) and let people linger and come and go as they please.

Jen4948 · September 2013

Well, don't do an "open-house" wedding reception. That's going too far in the direction of "informal."

That said, it is okay to wear a casual dress and have cocktails and appetizers rather than a plated dinner.

Also, if you really want a private ceremony, don't have a huge difference between the number of people invited to that and the number of people invited to the BBQ. That will raise hackles.

hnkirk81 · September 2013

If I'm not mistaken, you actually SHOULD have a big difference in numbers for a private ceremony. If you have ten people at your ceremony and 120 at your reception, you aren't excluding those 110 people. However, if you have 100 people at your "private" ceremony and 120 at the reception, then yeah... Those 20 people will feel excluded.

Gustafson28 · September 2013

Ditto PP.. Small ceremony and large reception is no prob. Excluding 20 ppl sucks.

NYCMercedes · September 2013

Jen4948 said:

Well, don't do an "open-house" wedding reception. That's going too far in the direction of "informal."

That said, it is okay to wear a casual dress and have cocktails and appetizers rather than a plated dinner.

Also, if you really want a private ceremony, don't have a huge difference between the number of people invited to that and the number of people invited to the BBQ. That will raise hackles.

Read hnkirk81 right below your post for the correct advice.

MoonlightSilver · September 2013

Have a small wedding with your family. Send out wedding announcements.

A few weeks later, have a BBQ party.

peaches827 · September 2013

Thanks everyone!

How to have a casual wedding?

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