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coworker adds uninvited guests

nakia12nakia12
edited September 2013 in Wedding Invitations & Paper
I invited a coworker to my wedding and the invitation sent said only her name because she was single at the time it was sent.  We used to work in the same office but haven't in over 4 months because she transferred departments and we have barely spoken.  I saw her about a month ago and she let me know that she was back together with her on-again, off-gain boyfriend, but she never asked if it would be okay to bring him to the wedding.  Today I received her RSVP and it lists 2 adults, plus 2 kids.  So essentially, she received an invitation for one and added 3 guests.  If I didn't have to pay for the kids, I wouldn't mind, but they are well above the age for free kids that the reception venue has set.  How can I let her know that she is welcome to come, but I do not have room for 3 more guests?  Should I call her or can I send it an email?  I actually saw her today at a work function and she didn't ask or mention anything about extra guests.  As I previously said, we haven't spoken hardly at all in 4 months and 96% of the little conversation we have had has been work related.  I don't want to cause problems at work, but the wedding budget is already way more than planned and the guest count is getting very high as well. 
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Re: coworker adds uninvited guests

  • libby2483libby2483 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think that it would be courteous to extend the invitation to her boyfriend, although it isn't technically required if she wasn't dating him when invitations went out.  

    You don't need to accommodate these kids.  I would politely tell her that her boyfriend is welcome to come, but the children cannot be accommodated.
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    You need to allow the boyfriend. The kids you can speak to her about.

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  • allispainallispain member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    If she and the boyfriend were truly not together at the time that the invitation was sent, then - technically - you do not have to extend the invitation to him. However, it is a courtesy that is generally supported. Also, are you sure that they had not gotten back together before invites went out?

    As for the children, you do not need to invite them. Simply call her up (not while you're at work - contact her at home or on her cell phone outside of work hours) and say that you are sorry but the invitation was only for her (or for her and her BF if you choose to be gracious) and you cannot accommodate the additional guests. Do not give her reasons why - that's just ammunition for some guests to try to wiggle their extra guests in somehow. If she says that she can't come unless they're all invited, say that you are sorry she won't be able to make it.
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    etiquette says that if the invite is for you and you only you dont rsvp a guest, that is rude and tacky. call her up and let her know the invite was for her you are welcome to bring your bf but thats it the children were not invited i dont see why people feel the need to invite others to weddings or parties they are not invited to. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Welcome the BF but let her know that the children cannot be accommodated. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    While you might consider extending an invitation to the boyfriend now that she has one, I'd let her know that the additional guests were not invited and cannot be accommodated.  Don't give reasons why.


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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    i have seen at weddings people just showing up with uninvited guests. thats a huge no no in my book i hope she is understanding and if not she cant come
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If she was truly single when you sent the invite -- TRULY SINGLE -- you're free to tell her the BF can't be accommodated. But it would be nice if you could make room for him.

    The kids are a total non-starter. Just call her up and say, "Friend, I'm so sorry, the invitation was for you only. We can accommodate your BF, but not the children, I'm sure you understand."
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • rsbloomrsbloom member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    HisGirlFriday13 said: "Friend, I'm so sorry, the invitation was for you only. We can accommodate your BF, but not the children, I'm sure you understand." ^^ perfect answer! If you can accommodate the BF, this would be the best thing to say, because it lets her know you're already making an exception for her, which cuts off her wiggle room to argue in the kids.
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