uninvited children

Re: uninvited children

• manateehugger member

  

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  cherryharley said:

  I got some good advice on RSVPs so now tell me the best way to handle a person just assuming children are invited. Invitations went out addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Doe" but I just got an email from Mrs. Doe telling me that she and her 4 year old granddaughter (whom she is parenting) will be coming to the wedding. The only other person with a child that age has already told me that he would not think of bringing his son to a wedding. The ring bearer is 5 (no flower girl) and there are 2 children invited that are 13. I don't believe any other guests have children younger than that. Do I keep my mouth shut and hope the little girl is better behaved than she has been in the past or do I tell her grandmother that the wedding is adults only? I can't use the excuse that there is not enough room/food since the child is obviously taking the husband's place. 

  "Hi Mrs. Doe, 

  
  

  I just received your email. Unfortunately, we are not able to accommodate children at our reception. We're sorry for the inconvenience. We hope you can still attend!

  
  

  Love, 
  Cherry"

  
  

  ETA: Children in the wedding party get a free pass since they participate in the ceremony, and therefore should be invited to the reception. If she doesn't like it, she'll have to get over it and exercise her right to decline your invitation. 

  

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• amorrison340 member

  

  September 2013

  Dealt with this exact situation yesterday, except they responded for 4 additional guest/children.  We called to make sure there was clarity, and just said we were sorry for the confusion but we aren't able to accommodate children, and that it will be an adults only event.  We just said we hoped she and her husband would be able to attend.  Stay strong. 

  
  

  Just be direct so there can't be any confusion, and give the grandmother a few days to decide, but give a specific deadline.  If you are direct and nice about it there's nothing wrong with this.  Invites aren't transferrable and you don't have to include children not in the wedding party.

  
  

  Sorry you're dealing with this headache.

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• cherryharley member

  

  September 2013

  Sorry you are too. I wasn't sure if it was okay to say it's an adults only event, though that was the way it was intended and why the child's name was not included on the invitation. Thanks.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  September 2013

  cherryharley said:

  Sorry you are too. I wasn't sure if it was okay to say it's an adults only event, though that was the way it was intended and why the child's name was not included on the invitation. Thanks.

    You could try wording like, "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but the invitation was only for you and Mr. Doe."
  
  I'm bad with wording, but I'm sure someone else can word it better than I can. 
  
  
  

  
  

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• amorrison340 member

  

  September 2013

  At this point I think it's ok to say it's adults only.  It wasn't on the invite and you addressed it correctly.  They are in the wrong for bringing someone not invited and need slightly stronger clarification.  If you don't want to go that route go with Simply Fated's wording.  It's completely fine.  We said adults only directly, because we knew this person didn't get it why their children wouldn't be invited.

    

  My worry about saying it was meant for Mr. and Mrs. is that she will say since her husband isn't coming it's the same number of people.  Use the wording you are most comfortable with but make sure the convo is clear and short is better.

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• MichelleNicole101113 member

  

  September 2013

  Had the same situations when we started getting RSVP's back.  My fiance's Aunt and Uncle were invited and the accepted and added their 3 kids to the RSVP.  We just called and let them know We are thrilled they can come but unfortunately we are not having kids at the reception.  We did however tell them that the kids could be there for the ceremony if they had someone to go after as a compromise.  Hope you get it sorted out! 

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• Viczaesar member

  

  September 2013

  cherryharley said:

  Sorry you are too. I wasn't sure if it was okay to say it's an adults only event, though that was the way it was intended and why the child's name was not included on the invitation. Thanks.

  I would go with @SimplyFated's wording instead, personally. 
  

  
  
  
  

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• MandyMost member

  

  September 2013

  It's a lie to say it's an "adults only" event, because there will be at least one young child there, and 2 adolescents. I would avoid this phrasing, as it is not true, and lying is generally not the best way to go about things. But it's totally fine to clarify who the invitation is for, and say you won't be able to accommodate the child. It's up to you if you want to offer her to bring an adult companion, but I'd also let her know if it's going to be fine to come solo--she may feel better about that if she knows there will be other guests without "dates". 

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• zitiqueen member

  

  September 2013

  MichelleNicole101113 said:

  Had the same situations when we started getting RSVP's back.  My fiance's Aunt and Uncle were invited and the accepted and added their 3 kids to the RSVP.  We just called and let them know We are thrilled they can come but unfortunately we are not having kids at the reception.  We did however tell them that the kids could be there for the ceremony if they had someone to go after as a compromise.  Hope you get it sorted out! 

  You did what? You told them their children are invited to the ceremony but not the reception?
  

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• manateehugger member

  

  September 2013

  zitiqueen said:

  MichelleNicole101113 said:

  Had the same situations when we started getting RSVP's back.  My fiance's Aunt and Uncle were invited and the accepted and added their 3 kids to the RSVP.  We just called and let them know We are thrilled they can come but unfortunately we are not having kids at the reception.  We did however tell them that the kids could be there for the ceremony if they had someone to go after as a compromise.  Hope you get it sorted out! 

  You did what? You told them their children are invited to the ceremony but not the reception?

  You invited guests to the ceremony but not the reception?
  

  

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• crunchymamaof2 member

  

  September 2013

  I wouldn't say anything about being an adult only affair as that isn't true- there will be a few kids present. But that's none of her business and it's up to you who you choose to invite so I would call, or e-mail, back and say what Simply Fated suggested. She might throw a fit and threaten not to come. A simple "I'm sorry you feel that way." will do.

   

  Please do not do as a PP suggested/did and say the kids can come to the ceremony but not reception. That's crazy rude and a logistical nightmare as a parent.

  After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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• girl4182 member

  

  September 2013

  We had this happen too with friends of my parents. For my sisters wedding the wife couldn't attend so they called my sister and asked if the 8 year old could attend in her place. 

  
  

  They only childern I wanted at my wedding were my flower girl and ring bearer and they are being taken home after dinner in time for bed. When we got back their response card they had respondedyes for both of them but added their daughter. She was well behaved at my sister's wedding so my mom told me to suck it up because telling her no would cause drama.

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