NWR: Discuss. Coach driving student athlete and girlfriend to PP clinic

itzMS · September 2013

I don't want to disclose the origin of this issue to protect the innocent. I'm just curious as to if your first reactions would be the same/different as mine.

Here's the story.

Low income high school. Football player (age 18) discloses to his Football coach that the player's girlfriend (also 18) is pregnant and they need a ride to Planned Parenthood for an abortion.

Neither student owns a car, and it's already common for coaches to drive students in their personal vehicles for various reasons due to the low-income nature of the school (waivers are already on file). The football player and his girlfriend don't want anyone else to know (parents, friends, etc) which is why they have asked the coach.

Coach agrees to drive them to PP.

Taking prochoice/prolife out of the discussion...

Agree? Disagree? Concerns?

WinstonsGirl · September 2013

Having coached numerous kids, I'd be leery to get involved without getting their parents involved. That said, I've never had to coach kids who were 18+ and in school. They're adults, and I believe it's none of their parents concern as to what they are doing about PP, however I'd still be leery to get involved just as I'd want to be sure to cover my own ass. I guess I"m more concerned about what the school board/union would have to say about getting involved and would worry more about the coach.

I'm also in Canada, and in my Province 99% of school coaches aren't paid and a high number of us are teachers, so we are in the unique situation of having a friendlier coach/athlete relationship as well as having the legal responsibilities of being a teacher and in the position of authority (not that coaches aren't in pos. of authority, but I see it as more so with teachers/students). If I were in this situation, I'd be discussing it with my Principal and union before committing to doing anything

KatWAG · September 2013

I think that falls way outside of the coach- player dymanic. If I was the parent, I would be livid that was left out of the equation.

itzMS · September 2013

I'm thinking it would probably be a career-ending move for the coach when his administration finds out.

High school students are notorious for gossiping and spreading rumors...so they would find out.

Even if these two are 18 and it's legal...the coach still is a role model for minors...

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

Wow, that's crazy. I personally don't think that's a good idea. That can put the coach in a very bad situation. Kids should have called a cab or something else.

FutureMrsN3312 · September 2013

I coached for many years. And would never allow my girls in my car. Regardless of what their parents said.

Anyway, I think I would have been ok if they had asked me for a ride to PP and left out the abortion part. I would be curious as to why they were going.

KatWAG · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

Wow, that's crazy. I personally don't think that's a good idea. That can put the coach in a very bad situation. Kids should have called a cab or something else.

The coach put himself in the bad position.

I would also be interested to know if this guy was a star player or a bench warmer. In my area, some coaches will go to hell and back for their favorites.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I do not think that the coach should have driven them due to the fact that what they were asking was not school related and because the coach is a school faculty member and they are students at that school. (you know the whole student-teacher business)

Whether or not the kids who are actually adults informed their parents of their plans is neither here nor there. And the parents can be livid all they want but the abortion decision is up to the couple and they are of age to make that choice.

This is only an issue because it was a faculty member that drove them. If it was a friend or family member then this would not have made headlines. But then again, these two individuals may not have been able to trust anyone else and felt that this coach was someone that they could trust with their decision. I feel for the couple that, it seems, had no one else to turn to.

itzMS · September 2013

I'm not sure about the district in question, but I know in my school district...even though you're 18, coaches and teachers are required to report pretty much everything to your parents until you graduate (missing school, discipline, health issues, etc)

I feel bad for the coach. I think he's trying to be supportive...but he'll probably lose his job.

ElcaB · September 2013

I think the nature of the trip would drive (no pun intended) lots of people to be angry.

I think, abortion opinions aside, there is nothing wrong. Two teenagers of consenting age went to a person they trust for assistance. Of course, people will be upset because he's an administrator, but no foul play occurred.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

The only reason this is making headlines is because it's an abortion. If the coach had driven them to the doctor's office for a routine appt (not pregnancy related) when they didn't have a ride, I'm willing to bet this would be a non-issue.

These "kids" are 18 y/o - they're adults legally capable of making their own decisions to have a legal (albeit controversial) service. Their parents don't need to sign a permission slip for this to happen.

HOWEVER, if I were a coach, I would not have agreed to provide this ride. No way - it was obviously going to blow up on him simply because it's a controversial service. I would have given them some money (I'd probably cover my ass by saying "go buy yourselves dinner") and they can get a cab or take the bus if they want to.

LakeR2014 · September 2013

Unfortunately this is the world we live in today. The teenagers asked the coach because it's someone they TRUST. But because the coach needs to be weary of being fired, sued, publicly ostracized, etc for helping two kids who needed support, they don't get the support they are so desperately looking for, and could end up in a worse situation then they're already in.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I think it is sad that these two people felt that they could trust their coach more then they could trust their parents. Let this be a warning to parents. Don't be so quick to judge your kids or push your beliefs on them because even though you don't want to admit it they are there own person and should be able to make decisions for themselves by a certain age. The more you push them and possibly ridicule them the more they will stop talking to you and will go to someone else for help.

doeydo · September 2013

Good for the coach for choosing to help the students who confided in him/her.

ETA grammar

chibiyui · September 2013

Maggie0829 said:

I think it is sad that these two people felt that they could trust their coach more then they could trust their parents. Let this be a warning to parents. Don't be so quick to judge your kids or push your beliefs on them because even though you don't want to admit it they are there own person and should be able to make decisions for themselves by a certain age. The more you push them and possibly ridicule them the more they will stop talking to you and will go to someone else for help.

I think that's spot on.

They went to the coach because they trusted the coach. I also feel for the coach because I'd probably do the same thing. If a teen comes to you for something of this nature, it shows they are afraid to go to their parents. I couldn't turn someone in that position away.

It's probably for the better I didn't go into education.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

Pragmatically it was not in the coach's best interest.

But morally, he helped two adults go to a medical clinic for a legal procedure.

MoonlightSilver · September 2013

I don't see what's wrong. These aren't kids if they're 18 years old, they're adults. Although my answer would probably still be the same if they were 16. He's not doing it as their coach, he's doing it as a trusted adult in their lives- which are probably hard to come by in the first place.

amaryann210 · September 2013

We all represent the place we work for when we interact with clients/students/etc, even outside the workplace. He isn't just a trustred adult in this instance, he's a school representative and therefore faces liability issues should anything happen while he with students.

Also, teenagers don't tell their parents things for all kinds of reasons, not just fear. I know I didn't tell my parents things because I didn't want to disppoint them or because I didn't think they'd understand, not because I feared repercussions. In my experience of working 10+ years with teenagers and their parents, parents are far more understanding them their children give them credit for. There are always exceptions to that, of course, but most parents want to protect and help their children, not berate them for poor decisions.

melbelleup · September 2013

I agree. They're both 18 therefore do not need to tell anyone. They only told the coach to get a ride. That being said, I would of tried to find ANYWAY to not involve a coach/teacher. Take the bus, walk, a friend etc. It's their choice to do what they want and with being 18 it's perfectly legal. BUT if I was the coach, i'd feel really weird.

WonderRed · September 2013

I also have no problem with it. They are both adults and he is clearly a trusted friend in their lives. I'd be disappointed if DS felt he couldn't come to me for help for something like this but grateful that he had someone else he could turn to in hard times.I think it's crap that the coach has to even think about whether or not his job could be in jeopardy as a result of this.

FutureMrsN3312 · September 2013

There could be a lot of different factors and reasons why they went to a coach.

Are they from a single parent home?
Do both parents work crazy hours/2 jobs to make ends meet?
If parents are around, would an abortion be frowned upon due to religious beliefs?

It's hard to say without knowing a little bit more.

HobokensFury · September 2013

Although I know there are policy, legal, moral issues with this as I high school teacher myself I probably would have driven them too. Many times teachers are the only stable adults in the students lives and in high school it's not uncommon to be turned to for help/support in times of distress.

NWR: Discuss. Coach driving student athlete and girlfriend to PP clinic

Re: NWR: Discuss. Coach driving student athlete and girlfriend to PP clinic

Choose Another Board

Search Boards