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Before I send out the STDS..

EverAferEverAfer member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A few things:

1) How to handle a group event with people who will be and won't be invited to the wedding?  I have a bunch of friends from college that all hang out and have even done Girls weekend together. I also have a large network of people that we do memorial day bbqs, camping trips, etc with. Some people are good friends of good friends and I see them often enough.  But I'm only inviting the people who's closest to me, not the people I hang out with because they hang out with the same people.  Everyone is asking about the wedding planning when we're together, and I feel awkward.

Should I shut down/ change the topic as soon as it comes up because there's people who happens to be there that are not invited?  What's the best approach, saying I have a limited # of people? (That's hard to do since the venue seats 400 comfortably and I'm inviting about 220)  I don't want people to feel like they're going to be invited because we're in the same circle. 

2) I'm not against having kids at the wedding, but I also don't want the whole family that is invited.  For example, I don't mind my 5 nieces and nephews to come, they love FH. But my cousins (who I'm not close to--but mom insist I invite to appease my grandfather's spirit--please don't go there--I'm Asian and there's certain things I have to deal with.),  all have at least 1-2 kids.  I do not expect them to behave properly...I'm not even sure I trust the cousins to not cause drama.  So, I don't want to share that I don't want kids, since it would be non-etiquette to then allow my nieces and nephews...But I also don't want 5 cousins I barely know to show up with the whole family, it just makes me nervous.  I don't know them well enough to have a conversation without insulting them, since the invite is just a courtesy, but I will have to.

How to start the convo?  With mom? With their dad (my uncle)? Or go to them directly?

Ick...


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Re: Before I send out the STDS..

  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    To answer both questions, STD are optional.  If you send one, you have to send an invite, so if you're uncomfortable sending STD's to some friends and not others, don't send them at all.  You can still send invites at a later date to those invited.  Ditto for family.  

    As for asking about the wedding, politely answer questions and bean dip them.  We're still looking at venues, but have you tried this bean dip??  It's delicious.  Do your best to keep wedding talk to a minimum in front of those not invited, but it will come up occasionally.  People are curious and weddings are happy times, so people like to ask about them.  As for those asking if they are invited when they're not, just say you are unable to invite everyone you would have liked and leave it at that.  Don't use money or space as an excuse cos people will try to find a way around it (let us know if people RSVP no and we can take their space, we can cover our plate, etc. - No no no!!!)

    Families can be invited with or without kids.  You can try inviting in circles (nieces and nephews but not kids of friends for example).  When address the invite or STD, address it only to the parent/invited people.  Leave the kids names off.  If they RSVP for the kids, call and inform them that the invite is only for the adults and you are unable to accommodate the kids.  If they say they're not coming, tell them they will be missed.  Don't feel pressure to invite the kids you don't want there.  You don't need to bring it up with them unless they RSVP for their kids too.  

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