Even more questions

Sassenach1743 · March 2013

I'm so sorry to keep posting address questions, but I just want to get it right....

Anyway, I'm getting really confused while trying to configure the best and proper way to address my invitations. I want to address them in a formal way (using titles) but I also want to use first names.

I was going to address married couples with the same last names as: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

But my best friend commented that that was very "old school etiquette" and would be annoying to most modern wives today. She is married and said she'd rather see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I understand this, but still really want to use first names so as to differentiate from the inner envelope, which (according to TK) should be addressed with titles only (i.e. Mr. and Mrs. Smith).

I've also seen it recommended (on Emily Post) that invitations must be addressed to BOTH persons in a married couple (another reason I would like to use first names). In this case, how do I word that?

Is it: Mr. and Mrs. John and Sara Smith? OR Mr. John and Mrs. Sara Smith?

Also, for married couples with different last names... Whose name goes first? Should it be alphabetical? OR Does the ladie's name always go first?

I know I've asked a variation of these questions before, but I only received one response per each of my two posts and they were both too vague.

Thanks for your input.

OliveOilsMom · March 2013

Stick with ladies first! The only exception I see, is that you are inviting a couple who live together, but you know the male friend better. Or a long term couple who don't live together and you just send the one invite to the male's house, since you know him best.

My mom did suggest that I write out the names as Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe, but I think that looks funny. So I did Mr & Mrs. John Doe. I would go with that, with the exception of your friend who apparently doesn't like her name "disappearing" since she is married.

meg2marryshane · March 2013

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe for the outer envelope and Mr. and Mrs. Doe for the inner envelope.

daria24 · March 2013

Your options are:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. (this is traditional way)

Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith

Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith

For different last names who are married: Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith (same line)

For unmarried couples:

Ms or Miss Jane Doe

Mr. John Smith (different lines)

General rule of thumb: ladies are always first, and a man's first name is never separated from his last name (ie Mr. And Mrs. John and Jane Smith is not correct, as 'John' is separated from his last name). However, for those unmarried couples where we knew the man but not the s/o, we did put the man's name on the top line.

kristinanddan · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_even-more-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:082800c7-9b7a-4a35-b253-f4d68b73a0f6Post:247fc324-1fdb-4aa7-83c6-38efbee254ac">Re: Even more questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Your options are: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. (this is traditional way) Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith For different last names who are married: Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith (same line) For unmarried couples: Ms or Miss Jane Doe Mr. John Smith (different lines) General rule of thumb: ladies are always first, and a man's first name is never separated from his last name (ie Mr. And Mrs. John and Jane Smith is not correct, as 'John' is separated from his last name). However, for those unmarried couples where we knew the man but the s/o, we did put the man's name on the top line.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div>

Sassenach1743 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_even-more-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:082800c7-9b7a-4a35-b253-f4d68b73a0f6Post:35f2ad90-0693-491c-b6f2-0dbf3cf87a5a">Re: Even more questions</a>:
[QUOTE]There is nothing wrong with "old school etiquette". It has worked for many years.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm with you on this! It's actually easier to go this route... think I may still. </div><div>
</div><div>Seems everyone who responds and all the websites I've checked have different ways of "correctly" addressing an invitation. It's confusing. And I really just want it to be simple but still proper and formal all at the same time. </div><div>
</div><div>And I can't fathom calling everyone and asking how they prefer to be addressed. It was hard enough to gather all their addresses! </div><div>
</div><div>Thanks to everyone who has responded.</div>

Sassenach1743 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_even-more-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:082800c7-9b7a-4a35-b253-f4d68b73a0f6Post:247fc324-1fdb-4aa7-83c6-38efbee254ac">Re: Even more questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Your options are: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. (this is traditional way) Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith For different last names who are married: Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith (same line) For unmarried couples: Ms or Miss Jane Doe Mr. John Smith (different lines) General rule of thumb: ladies are always first, and a man's first name is never separated from his last name (ie Mr. And Mrs. John and Jane Smith is not correct, as 'John' is separated from his last name). However, for those unmarried couples where we knew the man but not the s/o, we did put the man's name on the top line.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you! This was very helpful.</div>

MLuanPiano · September 2013

This is a question I needed help with too!! Thanks you guys for your tips!!!

clg1213 · September 2013

So, I realized I'd done some STDs incorrectly and was trying to figure out WHERE I'd seen the wrong advice since most everything agreed with @daria 24 on the "ladies first" rule. Yeah, it was totally The Knot that had the "odd man out" advice: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/addressing-wedding-invitations.aspx?MsdVisit=1

I'm annoyed b/c I have a bunch of STDs done wrong, but I can't really do much about that now (not mailed, but addressed and stamped...not enough spares or spare change to redo them and white-out would look a million times worse). Luckily I can't think of anyone who will be offended (I'd fix a couple of them if I thought it would be taken poorly) and I can remedy it before the more formal invites.

bross1 · June 2014

Whose name goes on the response card envelopes? We live together but I thought we should use each of our names for our own friends or relatives.

AddieCake · June 2014

bross1 said:

Whose name goes on the response card envelopes? We live together but I thought we should use each of our names for our own friends or relatives.

We had them sent back to The Smith/Jones Wedding at our address.

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