Answered.

EffervescentElephant · September 2013

Thank you for your help, my questions have been answered.

APDSS22 · September 2013

Proper etiquette says you should not invite anyone to a pre-wedding event, (especially a gift giving one like a shower) without inviting them to the wedding. I'm sorry people were rude and did this to you.

I would assume, though I could be wrong, that a bridal shower is to shower the bride and a wedding shower would be open to the groom as well.

zizibet · September 2013

Who's throwing the shower? You absolutely should not be throwing your own. Find out from the hostess how many people she's willing to host. You do not need to invite all the women invited to the wedding-that would likely look gift grabby. Invite the close female relatives from both sides, the bridal party, and close friends. Just be respectful of the hostess' space and budget.
Do not invite anyone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding-that's rude. The purpose of the shower is to give you presents, so it's really not okay to have someone give you a present in anticipation of an event they aren't invited to. I'm sorry people were rude to you, but you shouldn't precipitate it.

misshart00 · September 2013

First, you should not be throwing your own shower. As pp said, people invited to a shower should also be invited to the wedding. An exception to this sometimes, are work and church showers. But only if the ladies at church are wanting to throw you one. Don't just invite the ladies from church to your regular shower unless you're inviting them to the wedding. And there's not a difference between a wedding shower and bridal shower. Sorry about spacing; my iPad doesn't do breaks.

Blue_Bird · September 2013

Ditto Zizibet. You shouldn't be involved in any planning or solicit a bridal shower from anyone. A bridal/wedding shower (they're the same thing) is a gift given to the bride or the couple. You, as the guest of honor may provide a list of guests who are invited to the wedding (a small group who are very close to you), but other than that, you aren't involved.

misssunshine17 · September 2013

1) Don't throw your own shower. Crazy, crazy, crazy tacky.

2) Don't invite people not invited to wedding. Even tackier than #1.

hoffse · September 2013

Like PP's mentioned:

1) Don't throw your own shower

2) If somebody offers to throw a shower for you, ask your hostess how many guests she was thinking of and plan from there. We invited probably 150 women or so to our wedding. My shower guestlist had 25-30 on it. It was a great size.

3) If your church or work wants to throw a separate shower just for that group, that's generally considered the exception to the whole "every person invited to a pre-wedding party has to be invited to the wedding too" rule. That's because people understand that those are situations that are a slippery slope from an invitation standpoint. You invite one and you feel like you have to invite them all. But in this instance, a work or church shower should really be limited to members of that community. Again, you don't host this - somebody else does.

4) If you have multiple showers, don't invite anybody to more than one shower, the general exception being the mothers and bridesmaids. For work and church showers, even this group generally gets cut off the list, unless the mothers or maids are also part of that work or church community.

hoffse · September 2013

BTW there is actually an old "traditional" difference between a wedding and bridal shower: wedding showers usually involve gifts for the couple (think towels, kitchen gadgets, etc.) and sometimes included members of both sexes. Bridal showers are things for the bride (robes, candles, lingerie, spa gift cards, etc.) and were women-only.

That said, the difference between the two has been lost in most circles. Now the terms are often used interchangeably, and the hostess designates a lingerie shower on the invitation if she intends the shower to be all personal gifts for the bride. But back in the day you would never have put the word "lingerie" on a formal invitation, hence the traditional difference between "wedding" and "bridal."

EffervescentElephant · September 2013

I am not throwing my own shower. I should've mentioned that, sorry! My mom is probably the one throwing it, since my fiance's family lives farther away, and my MOH and bridesmaid won't deal with it.

I'll just wait and see then if there is a church bridal/wedding shower. I have no idea if they're planning anything or not.

Thank you so much for clarifying everything!!

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

EffervescentElephant said:

I am not throwing my own shower. I should've mentioned that, sorry! My mom is probably the one throwing it, since my fiance's family lives farther away, and my MOH and bridesmaid won't deal with it.
I'll just wait and see then if there is a church bridal/wedding shower. I have no idea if they're planning anything or not.
Thank you so much for clarifying everything!!

Aren't moms not supposed to throw gift giving events for their own daughters?

And the "probably" part weirds me out because it sounds like there is a shower happening but you haven't figured out who will throw it for you.

OliveOilsMom · September 2013

It used to be that mom's should not be the one hosting showers, but that has mostly fallen by the wayside. I think in the south it's still not widely accepted for mom's to host showers.

CrazyCatLady3 · September 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

It used to be that mom's should not be the one hosting showers, but that has mostly fallen by the wayside. I think in the south it's still not widely accepted for mom's to host showers.

This has been my experience. I live in the Northeast and it is very common for moms/sisters of the bride to throw the bridal shower.

climbingsingle · September 2013

Please do not invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding. It's crazy tacky.

Also, why are your MOH and BMs not involved? They can't be bothered? Why are they your wedding party then? Pick people that WANT to be involved.

KeptInStitches · September 2013

Please do not invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding. It's crazy tacky.

Also, why are your MOH and BMs not involved? They can't be bothered? Why are they your wedding party then? Pick people that WANT to be involved.

Stuck in the box ...
MOH and BMs are selected as a way to honor people who are close to the bride. They're not required to do anything other than show up in the dress and smile in the pictures. Anything above that they do is gravy.

climbingsingle · September 2013

Not stuck in a box. Her wedding party, according to her, won't deal with it. Why have a bridal party that's checked out?

NYCBruin · September 2013

ClimbingBrideNY said:
Not stuck in a box. Her wedding party, according to her, won't deal with it. Why have a bridal party that's checked out?

She meant she was stuck in the quote box.

They are bridesmaids not the bride's slaves. You pick your closest friends as a way to honor them. You don't pick the people who are going to spend the most money on you. Or maybe you did, but that's not what most people do.

NYCMercedes · September 2013

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Not stuck in a box. Her wedding party, according to her, won't deal with it. Why have a bridal party that's checked out?

There's absolutely no reason your bridal party has to give you anything, much less, a party. They are honored guests. All they need to do is show up sober in the decided upon outfit. Get a grip!

climbingsingle · September 2013

Lol. I'm a second time bride. I have a MOH and that's it. I'm not even having a shower or a bach party. I'm not interested in people spending money on me. IMO, if you accept to be in someone's wedding, you help that person out. If you can't afford to throw a shower for the bride, help out the person that is by setting up, etc.

Viczaesar · September 2013

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Lol. I'm a second time bride. I have a MOH and that's it. I'm not even having a shower or a bach party. I'm not interested in people spending money on me. IMO, if you accept to be in someone's wedding, you help that person out. If you can't afford to throw a shower for the bride, help out the person that is by setting up, etc.

Your opinion is incorrect, frankly. Bridesmaid and MOH are honorary roles - they're for the bride to honor those to whom she is closest. They carry no duties.

EffervescentElephant · September 2013

My MOH is in another state and is in the process of moving. My bridesmaid is excessively busy, that's all. I'm sure they'll help out here and there, but neither of them will be ready to host a party, understandably.

mc4dj13 · September 2013

Traditionally, the MOH plans the shower. I have also seen the future mother-in-law play hostess. I see nothing wrong with your mother hosting the shower. I don't know when your wedding is, but maybe your bridesmaids haven't mentioned a shower to you yet because It is a surprise. I also have a MOH who is out of state and she still keeps in contact with me through text and email. I agree that they should not be your slaves, but they should support you and any decisions you make about the wedding.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

mc4dj13 said:

Traditionally, the MOH plans the shower. I have also seen the future mother-in-law play hostess. I see nothing wrong with your mother hosting the shower. I don't know when your wedding is, but maybe your bridesmaids haven't mentioned a shower to you yet because It is a surprise. I also have a MOH who is out of state and she still keeps in contact with me through text and email. I agree that they should not be your slaves, but they should support you and any decisions you make about the wedding.

Supporting you decisions is not the same thing as throwing you a party.

cmelliott · September 2013

I had a wedding shower where men and women were present and my mom threw the shower, while the BM planned the bachelorette event. Maybe if you are really good friends with your church ladies and really want to include them but just can't afford them at the wedding you could invite them to something else they wouldn't feel so obligated to get you a gift for, like a bachelorette party? My BM just took me out to eat for mine and we invited people that weren't BM too.

melbelleup · September 2013

Gah. you people. BMs do not have to be at the shower if they cannot make it, have other plans, or don't want to go for whatever reason. Thank god my FSIL doesn't listen to some people here or I wouldn't be in her wedding. I can't make her shower, she knows it already (it's not til May) and as soon as she told me the date it followed with if you can't make it I completely understand.

The reason I can't make it (for those nosey people): My wedding is in June, theirs is in July, I live 8 hrs away from home, I work (so would have to take off Friday to make it there for Sat for the time), my bridal shower being hosted by my FI's mom is the weekend before... I'm def not making a 16 hour trip right after I made a 16 hour trip. So Brides... please be understanding that although your wedding party is excited for you, sometimes things happen where they can't be at everything with you. That being said, I do plan to go up when she decides to go shopping for BM dresses.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

EffervescentElephant said:

Hi all! I hope you can help me with a few questions.

I have been thinking about my bridal shower and I've been wondering about who is invited. I understand that all the ladies from both sides are invited. But I also volunteer at my church quite a lot. That is where all of my friends are. Due to budget-constraints (I really can only afford both of our families), I can't invite them all. Don't throw your own shower. While I don't want to portray myself as "gift-grabby", I know that a number of people would be excited and would happily attend if the shower was open to them. I have also been to a few bridal showers there when I wasn't invited to the wedding, so I thought it might be okay. It's not. People invited to pre-wedding parties must be invited to the wedding. I would like your opinions, though. I still have months of time, but I figured I should clear the air now.

Lastly, what's the difference between a bridal shower ladies only shower and a wedding shower co-ed shower?... I honestly don't know.

Thank you in advance for your help, ladies!

EffervescentElephant said:

I am not throwing my own shower. But you said above....??? I should've mentioned that, sorry! My mom is probably the one throwing it, since my fiance's family lives farther away, and my MOH and bridesmaid won't deal with it. It sounds like no one has offered to throw you a shower. If no one offers, you don't get one. Definitely don't ask for one - it's considered rude. It's no big deal if you don't have one. Lots of brides don't have showers.
I'll just wait and see then if there is a church bridal/wedding shower. I have no idea if they're planning anything or not.
Thank you so much for clarifying everything!!

Answered.

Re: Answered.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards