Bridal Shower- HELP!! Clueless MOH

Re: Bridal Shower- HELP!! Clueless MOH

• MobKaz member

  

  September 2013

  gramkl01 said:

  I am the Maid of Honor for an upcoming wedding in May 2014. I have just started to look into hosting the Shower and have some great ideas. Luckily, the Bride has given me free range to do whatever I think she will like. I have been looking at various websites for etiquette and it appears that there is a lot of contradictory and missing information which leads me to believe that practically anything goes in today wedding world. For this wedding there are roughly 120 guests located all over the place. The wedding is a a golf resort in NY in the grooms hometown, but the Bride and her closest family and friends live in NC, including me (the hostess). The bride would like to have the shower in NC and invite the out- of- towners, most of which will be the grooms side. I am assuming about 50% of the people on the guest list are women. Of that 60 women, about 50% will travel/attend the shower. So as of now I can expect 30-35 people. My main questions are:

  
  

     1. Is it appropriate to invite all the females that are invited to the wedding? I personally feel that you do not invite every woman that happens to be on the guest list.  The MOB and MOG are invited to all showers as a matter of courtesy.  I read on one site that this makes you appear to be a gift-hungry monster, and then read on another that you can offend ladies if they are not invited by making then feel like they are not as close to the bride as they thought. If you don't invite everyone, where should the line be drawn?  We typically invite immediate family members, the bridal party,  and close friends of the bride.  Considering the rather small nature of the expected turn out, I personally do not see a problem inviting all the ladies.  Is there a chance someone on the groom's side of the family may hold a separate shower in NY?  You don't want to invite people twice, with the exception of the MOB/MOG.

    

     2.  Is there a good way to word the invitation so guests, specifically out of town guests do not feel obligated to attend or send a gift? We don't want anyone to feel guilty if they cannot come and we certainly do not want people to feel like they have to send a gift just because they are invited. The idea really is just "the more the merry" to celebrate with the bride before the big day. The guests are capable of making that decision on their own.  Do not add any additional wording other than that which is pertinent to the details of the event.

     

     3. Is it proper to have a meal like a brunch, lunch or dinner? Can I plan several passed hors' d ouevres and a few desserts or could this make the out of town guests angry? I've heard stories about people being mad that they paid to traveled for an event/party and weren't served a meal.  In my area, showers always involve a full meal.  We often try to host a brunch as it allows for more flexible food choices and tends to be a bit more cost effective.  However, I have attended showers that have some appetizers, cake, punch and coffee.  If you want to avoid serving a full meal, just hold your shower at a time between lunch and dinner.  At 2:00 PM I would not expect a meal to be served.  However, if you are serving something more substantial, I would make it clear in the invitation, i.e., Bridal Shower Brunch, Luncheon, or Dinner.

  
  

  I am definitely a planner and like to have things laid out well in advance but this is my first "Bridal Shower" rodeo and I am having some issues. Any feed back that people can provide will be GREATLY appreciated!

  
  

  Thank you,

  Sarah

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  September 2013

  1. It's not necessary to invite every female wedding guest to the shower. The mothers, sisters, grandmothers (usually), the bridesmaids should receive invitations. You should tell the bride how many guests you'd like to invite and ask her to make the guest list so you don't leave out any VIPs. 

  
  

  2. Invitations aren't subpoenas. Invitees are free to accept or decline without excuse, as long as they RSVP. Just send the same invitation to everyone. 

  
  

  3. In my area, CT and MA, showers usually include a meal. It's perfectly appropriate to serve snack, cake and punch, but I've never been to a shower like that. It seems to vary by region. What's the norm in your area? 

                     

  Report0 Reply
• doeydo member

  

  September 2013

  1.  No and it might turn into a bigger shower that what you wanted.  You could ask the bride to give you a guest list or you could invite the MOG, MOB, other close family members, close friends, and members of the bridal party.  

  2.  I don't think you should put anything about gifts or "don't feel like you have to come" in the invitations.  The invitees will determine themselves if they want to bring a gift or not and whether or not they will attend.

  3.  Every shower I have been to incorporates a meal.  If you are not hosting it during a meal time I would still suggest having light snacks and drinks.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2013

  Most showers I've been to have heavy apps, dessert, coffee, and sometimes a Bloody Mary and mimosa bar. Have it at a non-meal time and you're fine.
  
  I would not invite every woman who is invite to the wedding - it does look a little gift grabby. Especially since they live in NY. Often showers will be for only one side of the family plus friends with the MOG/MOB and sisters invited. The groom's side may also want to throw her a shower. Invite MOG and FSIL and call it a day.
  
  Etiquette wise, it's fine to put registry info on a shower invitation since its a gift giving event but I would not mention anything about gifts outside that.

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• MobKaz member

  

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  scribe95 said: Here in the Midwest - Ohio and Indiana - I have never been to a shower with a full meal. Usually they just have a ton of appetizers, drinks and cake. Plenty to fill up on but not a sit-down meal.
  
  As for guests, I would not invite OOT people except for MOG and female siblings if he has any. I think this looks gift grabby.
  I would keep the list to close family and friends. The largest shower I have ever been to is maybe 25 people. Most are 15 to 20 and at someone's house. I have never been to one in restaurants, which is popular in other areas.
  
  
  In general I agree with this.  But each family dynamic is a little different and I think it depends on the relationship between the bride and the particular OOT guest.  In our case, our immediate family OOT guests insist on being invited to showers regardless of attendance possibility.  Our distance does not define the closeness of our relationships, and we would be hurt not to be included, at least in spirit.  If the OP knows that no one on the groom's side will host their own shower, it might be prudent to get advice from the MOG as to who might wish to be included on the invitation list for the NC shower.  As a MOB and MOG, I would have no issue fielding such a question.

  
  

  And, as a Chicagoan midwesterner, full meals are the norm. The difference might be familial more than regional.

  Report0 Reply
• dramamonkey member

  

  September 2013

  My MOH had me make the guest list, and I was sure to include MOG, FSIL, and Future Niece. Every relative invited was local (with the exception of my Aunt - mom's sister - who was already going to be in town that weekend!)

  Report0 Reply