Wedding Recap and Withdrawal
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Missing my friend on the big day

So my wedding came and went and there was only one big thing that was wrong that I can't quiet get over.  My best friend of 8 years and her kids were to be in my Bridal Party.  Shortly before the big day they moved out of state, and that was fine.  Her and I were friends during my first marriage and she helped me pick myself up when that fell apart.  She was my friend through the messy divorce and even after as I started dating and then found my fiance.  She was and is a great friend.  However when it came time to come up for the big day a couple days before she tells me her husband won't let her use his car because her car is making noise.  So I say okay, I will come get you, I'll help pay for a train ticket, a bus ticket, hell even a flight, but I won't let you miss just because he is being a jerk.  She says she'll get the car checked out and head up the next day.  So all the next day I am texting her trying to make sure she is okay, I hear nothing till 5pm or so, and she is sobbing.  He basically told her if she comes here to not bother coming home.  I was devastated, he can be a jerk, but I never thought he would do this. I so thought we were all friends.  So I tell her that I understand, I do, but I'm sad.  Not only was a short a ring bearer, a flower girl, and a bridesmaid because of that jerk, but one of my best friends was missing and she waited 7 years for my princess wedding.  She was almost as excited as I was about the whole thing.  I feel bad for my friend, more so because now we are hours apart and I can just drive over there and say hey.  I want to ship her all the stuff I bought for the kids, but I'm worried he will intercept it.  I was thinking of putting a different address on it, but well I'll have to see what address I use.  I just don't understand, did I do something to piss him off?  I know she didn't, she does everything for him and those kids.  I was so pissed at him when I found out and I'm still pissed, but I'm also sad that I lost that moment because he chose to be so selfish.  I love my friend and I won't stop being friends with her because he decided to be a total jerk.  It's just one of those things I guess.  It didn't ruin the big day, but it was a little different without her and the kids there. 

Re: Missing my friend on the big day

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    rgronke That horrible and I got a little choked up for you while reading this. That is completely unacceptable of him to do that to her. The reality is that you cannot change their sick/twisted relationship. I commend you for still having a good day in spite of all of that. It sounds like you made the most of your day and had a really good time! Congratulations to you and yours. I think it would be hard to maintain a friendship with someone who is  married and has kids with a jerk like that. Just know in your heart that you two are still close and your marriage won't be anything like that. I am so surprised by people that get controlled by their spouses like that. Again, congratulations on your big day! The rest will play out in time.

     

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    Wow, I'm so sorry you went through that! I got a little choked up reading this too. My FI and my best friend didn't get along for a really long time, but once things started getting serious and they both realized neither one of them was going to be rid of the other, things calmed down. I'm sorry things didn't turn out as well for you. Maybe he's going through something personal that is making him act like that? Hopefully things will get better and it won't always be like this.
    Anniversary
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    I am going to put this out there... he isn't selfish. He is abusive. Your friend should consider speaking to someone famillar with Domestic Violence. This is exactly the behavior that often esclates. He is controlling her behavior with threats. That isn't safe. She is lucky to have a friend like you.
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    i agree with colleen - it sounds like they need to see a marriage counselor at the very least. i mean, i REALLY don't like my fiance's sister (she treats her parents and siblings like crap and tries to make money off of everyone), but i'm not going to tell him to skip her wedding day. i mean, it's not like it's an everyday event!
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    I was just so surprised by it, but at the same time not.  It was just a lot.  I don't think she's ready to see her marriage for what it is right now, but with time she will.  It just sucks, but thank you for your support.
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