Dear Prudie,
I’ve been asked by my older brother to be the groomsman at his upcoming
wedding. I’m an atheist and he’s a Pentecostal, so he’s making a
significant gesture to me. However I’m uncertain about agreeing, because
of his choice of best man. Some background: The “Smiths” were close
family friends for many years, and they had several children, including
“Paul” who was one year younger than me, and “Mary” who was a few years
younger. Twelve years ago, when I was a senior in high school, Paul
murdered Mary. It turns out Paul was jealous of Mary’s intelligence and
popularity and craved attention for himself. He served four years in
prison. Shortly after being released he was born again, joining the same
church my brother attends. My mother and I both suspected Paul’s
conversion was a matter of convenience. But Paul is such a pillar of the
church community that my brother has selected him to be his best man.
Mary, meanwhile, is no longer mentioned, as though she’s been airbrushed
from the Smiths’ family history. A police officer I know who worked on
Paul’s case told me that Paul never showed any remorse for his act. I’d
like to know that Paul does feel remorse and abhorrence for what he did,
but I also know that preparing for a joyous occasion like a wedding
isn’t the appropriate time to explore this. As a result I feel uneasy
about being close to Paul for this event. Am I being reasonable, or are
my concerns about Paul irrelevant in this situation?