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Need advice

kalforhelpkalforhelp
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello everyone, would like to get your views. Here it is: the 'bride' married the groom over 2 years ago by JOP. Originally planned to do other ceremony (not religiously affiliated) so bride could wear the wedding dress MOB purchased. Reason for JOP was a custody issue that was taking place in the next week. 2 years later MOB who is family...is having a "wedding". Said wedding is taking place during the celebration of my inlaws 60th wedding anniversary, which inlaws are saying their vows and the bride and groom are getting "married". "Bride finally gets to wear her wedding dress!" Bridal shower invitations along with gift registry (from the bride n groom..same last name) including save the date card. I don't get why the in all actuality the 60th is not until next January, but we are celebrating that along with the wedding at the same time? So interested in some views of this. This is not sitting well with me, 2 years later? A bridal shower and wedding?? Not a renewing of vows but wedding? I believe a friend of family is officiating. So I of course get my inlaws a gift, and just send a card in January on there 60th? What about the "bride and groom" who are already 2 years into a marriage, that according to MOB has been nothing but arguing, money issues (man wont work), and several separations. Obviously I go, but this whole 'wedding shower/wedding' combined into the 60th anniversary has me shaking my head "really"? Just enjoy the day and say Congrats to the inlaws and Congrats to the mr. & mrs.? Is this oddly out of the norm ettiquettely as far as weddings go today? Your thoughts?
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Re: Need advice

  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are already married and therefor any fake ceremony, bridal shower, wearing of a wedding dress, bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc. is inappropriate and phony.  If *you* wanted to, you could have a vow renewal.  However, it sounds like the mother and father of "the bride" are planning this whole thing without any consideration for what the couple actually wants.   
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    kalforhelp said:
    Hello everyone, would like to get your views. Here it is: the 'bride' married the groom over 2 years ago by JOP. Originally planned to do other ceremony (not religiously affiliated) so bride could wear the wedding dress MOB purchased. Reason for JOP was a custody issue that was taking place in the next week. 2 years later MOB who is family...is having a "wedding". Said wedding is taking place during the celebration of my inlaws 60th wedding anniversary, which inlaws are saying their vows and the bride and groom are getting "married". "Bride finally gets to wear her wedding dress!" Bridal shower invitations along with gift registry (from the bride n groom..same last name) including save the date card. I don't get why the in all actuality the 60th is not until next January, but we are celebrating that along with the wedding at the same time? So interested in some views of this. This is not sitting well with me, 2 years later? A bridal shower and wedding?? Not a renewing of vows but wedding? I believe a friend of family is officiating. So I of course get my inlaws a gift, and just send a card in January on there 60th? What about the "bride and groom" who are already 2 years into a marriage, that according to MOB has been nothing but arguing, money issues (man wont work), and several separations. Obviously I go, but this whole 'wedding shower/wedding' combined into the 60th anniversary has me shaking my head "really"? Just enjoy the day and say Congrats to the inlaws and Congrats to the mr. & mrs.? Is this oddly out of the norm ettiquettely as far as weddings go today? Your thoughts?

    "Just enjoy the day and say Congrats" sounds perfect to me. This is most definitely an "oddly out of the norm" party. I would not attend a shower, but bring two cards and plan on just to have a good time at the party.
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  • kalforhelpkalforhelp
    First Comment
    Did not attend said bridal shower to which I am now on the "S" list...
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    kalforhelp said:
    Did not attend said bridal shower to which I am now on the "S" list...
    I'd say that's their problem. All of that is very strange in my eyes. I think it's rude that they're asking for gifts by having a bridal shower when they're well into 2 years of marriage. Normally those are to start out the bride and groom in their new life. It seems like a sneaky way to just get money and gifts. Also, since the 60th anniversary isn't until January I wouldn't get them a gift now and just attend the party/ceremony (what is it even?) and then send them a card or a gift if you plan to on their actual anniversary.
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    kalforhelp said:
    Did not attend said bridal shower to which I am now on the "S" list...
    I'd say that's their problem. All of that is very strange in my eyes. I think it's rude that they're asking for gifts by having a bridal shower when they're well into 2 years of marriage. Normally those are to start out the bride and groom in their new life. It seems like a sneaky way to just get money and gifts. Also, since the 60th anniversary isn't until January I wouldn't get them a gift now and just attend the party/ceremony (what is it even?) and then send them a card or a gift if you plan to on their actual anniversary.
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  • kalforhelpkalforhelp
    First Comment
    I thoroughly agree. I guess i say kudos (NOT) to the MOB (my sis-in-law) on getting her "brides" wedding paid for! I should be happier for the soon to be married couple, but idk why this is annoying me so much?!! Been in the family for 29 years, had a huge wedding back then, shower also. If MOB wanted, she should have thrown a reception together after civil ceremony. She chose not. I'm wondering if our daughter's wedding in Chicago last year didn't turn everything green. I'm being ostracized for not attending bridal shower when no one from H's side even went!! Sorry to rant...not my intention. It's not like I am not going to attend the event.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is one of the strangest PPDs (pretty princess day) that I have seen in a while on TK. if it wasn't wrapped up into the 60th wedding anniversary party, I would not even attend. I wouldn't even care how I was viewed after declining to attend a shower where the wife (since she is not a bride) would be accepting presents. As for the "ceremony" itself, I would even step out of the room when its time for the "b&g" to "marry"! This is wrong for so many reasons!
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  • kalforhelpkalforhelp
    First Comment
    According to invite it is "a double ceremony .... & ..... Are celebrating their 60th and Mr. & Mrs. ..... Are celebrating the wedding of their daughter to ....."
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  • kalforhelpkalforhelp
    First Comment
    I doubt that the wording "vow renewals" entitles the "married couple" to the many perks as compared to the wording "wedding". Someone tell me to get over it, maybe this will strengthen their abusive on again/off again current marital status for the childrens sake. Everyone deserves a second chance right?
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kalforhelp said:
    I doubt that the wording "vow renewals" entitles the "married couple" to the many perks as compared to the wording "wedding". Someone tell me to get over it, maybe this will strengthen their abusive on again/off again current marital status for the childrens sake. Everyone deserves a second chance right?

    My guess is that MOB is fully aware of the inappropriateness of this fake wedding, so she is choosing to pair it with the sentimental 60th wedding anniversary in the hopes of drawing more interest and better attendance.   NO ONE in their right mind would support the sham of the PPD in and of itself.

    Whether the MOB thinks she has "something to prove", is trying to "one up" another event, or even make an attempt at "jump starting" a shaky marriage, her method is wrong with a capital W.  You are right; the only potential proper way to have done this would have been to have an after party shortly after her civil ceremony, sans all the wedding trappings.

    Stick to your principals.  It sounds like being ostracized might be the only good outcome of this scheisse show.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I could tell you to get over it, but this whole situation just sounds ridiculous. It lessens and cheapens the hard work the couple who will be married for 60 years have done throught their whole marriage. I would probably give the "B&G" a nice vow renewal or anniversary card. Your SIL is being insane if this entire mockery puts you on her shit list.
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  • kalforhelp2kalforhelp2
    First Comment
    I so agree!!! :( thanks for your comments!
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