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Adding +1 after the fact

dramamonkeydramamonkey member
250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I know that this could possibly be perceived as "b-listing" - but what is the proper etiquette on allowing truly single guests to have plus ones (after you've sent the invitation). 

Invitations went out for my November wedding, and RSVPs have been coming in. So far, I've had a few more declines than I initially anticipated, and as such I was thinking about extending a +1 to a few single friends, particularly those friends who won't know a ton of people at the wedding (and/or all the people they know are in couples). 

Is that a no no etiquette-wise? Does it send the message "Sorry I didn't care enough to give you a date originally, but now that I've got the space, why don't you bring a friend?" 

Or is it OK?

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Re: Adding +1 after the fact

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    dramamonkey said:
    I know that this could possibly be perceived as "b-listing" - but what is the proper etiquette on allowing truly single guests to have plus ones (after you've sent the invitation). 

    Invitations went out for my November wedding, and RSVPs have been coming in. So far, I've had a few more declines than I initially anticipated, and as such I was thinking about extending a +1 to a few single friends, particularly those friends who won't know a ton of people at the wedding (and/or all the people they know are in couples). 

    Is that a no no etiquette-wise? Does it send the message "Sorry I didn't care enough to give you a date originally, but now that I've got the space, why don't you bring a friend?" 

    Or is it OK?

    I'd skip it unless they ask you if they can bring someone.
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2013
    I don't think allowing a plus one is b-listing, because you aren't selecting the invited person. You are just allowing them to bring a date now. I think it's ok and you don't have to word it like that - perhaps say, "I realize I didn't indicate on you can bring a guest with you on your invitation, but if you would like to we'd be happy to have them for the occasion. Just let me know their name so I can prepare their escort card."
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I think this is ok.  It's not like you are inviting them last minute, your just allowing them to bring a guest.  You are giving guests an option to bring someone for their own comfort, which I think is fine.  I could be in the minority on this though.

    I would just say that you are able to extend a plus one and to let you know by x date, if you will be bringing anyone with you.

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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I asked the same question back in June! I think it's just fine. Just call or send a message to the individuals, in circles of course (so that word doesn't get around that you allowed some plus ones but not others), and let them know that they're welcome to bring a guest and just let them know their name by such and such date if they have someone in mind.
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    I see no problem with this. It's definitely not b-listing.
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  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    Not the same thing as b-listing. We sent our invites out and then three days later made the decision to upgrade our reception space to a bigger dining room so we would have room for a live band after dinner.   We didn't send out any new invitations to anyone who wasn't on the guest list in the  first place, but we did call our truly single guests about a week after the change and let them know we'd decided to add plus 1s.  No one was offended by it at all.
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  • tinaisoddtinaisodd member
    10 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    photokitty said:
    I don't think allowing a plus one is b-listing, because you aren't selecting the invited person. You are just allowing them to bring a date now. I think it's ok and you don't have to word it like that - perhaps say, "I realize I didn't indicate on you can bring a guest with you on your invitation, but if you would like to we'd be happy to have them for the occasion. Just let me know their name so I can prepare their escort card."
    this!
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  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    The only trouble that you might come across is if the people who declined plans change. Then what would you do?
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  • AbbyjensenAbbyjensen member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    It's not really a good idea. It makes things more complicated both for your guests and for you. If they ask you to bring a date, go ahead and say yes, but I wouldn't try to contact every single one of them.
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  • KayDeeeKayDeee member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I  think this would be a nice thing to do for the truly single. Do it, but make sure they RSVP with the correct # of people on time of course :)
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  • fallbride99fallbride99
    First Comment
    I think it's fine. We've done the same for a few guests.
    Report Reply
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