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Asking about SOs

clcountryclcountry member
Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I am collecting the last few addresses for our guest list and it involves talking to some of DF's family his mother wants us to invite. I have asked DF and his mother to get these addresses for me for several months, but they haven't, so I am just going to do it myself even though I don't know them terribly well. What is a generally polite way to ask if they have a significant other we need to invite? More specifically, one of his relatives was supposed to get married this month, but the wedding was called off under some difficult circumstances. Is there a way for me to sensitively ask him if I should invite his ex-fiancée or if they are truly broken up?

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Re: Asking about SOs

  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you should ask your FI or you FMIL to get those addresses and information on all the people on their side that you are not familiar with and give them a deadline.  You could say something like "I need the information on these guests by October 1st because I am going to begin doing invites" or something.  I don't think you should try calling these people and asking if they are in a relationship or not, I am sure your FI or FMIL will know or be able to find out.  As for the man who is no longer engaged, depending on their relationship, your FI could just talk to him and ask how it's going between him and "Jane".
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  • clcountryclcountry member
    Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    Yeah, I've already given them a deadline, and it has long since passed. My side of the family and the family members DF did get me addresses for have been addressed and ready to go for two weeks and were supposed to go out yesterday. I think I'm just going to be letting this go.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well then, if I were you, I would send out the invites.  You gave them plenty of time and a deadline so if they didn't get you the information then the people that your FMIL wanted to have invited don't get to be.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Clearly they don't want these people invited that badly.  I would say that too. If they did, this would be a priority for them. 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Send out the invites and these people don't get them. If your fiancé doesn't care enough to take care of this, his loss.
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  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I sadly have to agree.  prepare the invites for them then hand them to your FI and tell him it's up to him and his family to get them in the mail at this point.  You shouldn't have to work that hard to invite his family's guests.
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  • Belle2188Belle2188 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I have to respectfully disagree with PP's.  I do agree that OP's FI or FMIL should be making the calls, but I'm not into being spiteful, particularly in a case like this where it could cause problems between her FI and his family.  They are going to be her family too, after all.  I would probably sit down with FI and make the calls "with him" (let him make the calls, but help out by reading him the phone numbers or something).
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Belle2188 said:

    I have to respectfully disagree with PP's.  I do agree that OP's FI or FMIL should be making the calls, but I'm not into being spiteful, particularly in a case like this where it could cause problems between her FI and his family.  They are going to be her family too, after all.  I would probably sit down with FI and make the calls "with him" (let him make the calls, but help out by reading him the phone numbers or something).

    And what about her FMIL causing problems for HER? I'm all about not being spiteful but there are limits to everything, and OP's FMIL is trying the limits of that patience. Seriously, how hard is it to get names and addresses for people you DEMAND to have invited?!
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Belle2188 said:
    I have to respectfully disagree with PP's.  I do agree that OP's FI or FMIL should be making the calls, but I'm not into being spiteful, particularly in a case like this where it could cause problems between her FI and his family.  They are going to be her family too, after all.  I would probably sit down with FI and make the calls "with him" (let him make the calls, but help out by reading him the phone numbers or something).
    I respectfully disagree with this. It's not spiteful to send out invites now - it's the plan that was communicated to them. OP would simply be sticking to the plan that everyone is and was aware of. She's not being rude or inconsiderate. 

    If you want, OP, I'd let them know that you're sending out everyone else's invitation since the deadline is passed. If they want these people to receive one, you need the addresses by Wednesday. If you don't get them by Wednesday, these people will not be invited. 
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  • allispainallispain member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    OP, I would send out the invitations that you have prepared. I would also stuff envelops for the ones for which you have no addresses. I would then deposit them in front of FI and say that the invitations are ready but he needs to get the addresses and address them himself (or have his mother do so). Let him know that he has until the end of the week, since you don't want to send out the invitations so late that guests will a) not be able to respond by the RSVP date or b) feel like they've been b-listed.

    You could also go the slightly nicer route of saying "Let's make a deal. If you get those addresses to me by Friday, I will address them myself and send them out."

    If he does not take care of it, that is something that he will have to deal with later. If he does, then great.
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