No thank you card, 1.5 months after shower?

CallaLily25 · September 2013

My FI and I sent a gift to his cousin for her bridal shower in late July, but we haven't gotten any indication that they received the gift. We couldn't attend the shower since she lives in CA and we live in PA, but now I'm nervous that the gift was never delivered. The shower was the beginning of August and their wedding is in 2 weeks. What is the typical timeline for bridal shower thank you notes?

I'm just hoping that they received the gift! I feel weird asking them about it, but I would hate for them to not have gotten it for some weird reason.

Jame1987 · September 2013

Not sure what the appropriate time frame is but I would definitely say before the wedding (I would had for there to be THAT many thank yous to write). However if you want to be sure finr and excuse to call about something different and casually ask if they liked or recieved the xyz you sent them.

SP29 · September 2013

Generally, thank you cards should be sent within 2 months of the event.

Is there a family member that you could ask if she received the gift?

doeydo · September 2013

If I were you, I wouldn't call them or anything just yet. Because you live in different states, it might take a while for your gift to be delivered as well as for the thank you note/card to be sent to you.

SB1512 · September 2013

H and I were invited to a couple's July 7th wedding. We could not go, but sent along a card with money in it with H's parents. We have yet to receive a thank you, and neither have H's parents (we live with them while house hunting) and we are all rather annoyed about it.

misssunshine17 · September 2013

I would call and ask in a non aggressive way. I think sent gifts should have a non-formal thank you so the sender knows it has received. I see nothing wrong with making sure someone got your gift.

dramamonkey · September 2013

My understanding is that for pre-wedding parties, thank you should be sent within 2 weeks.

My first shower was this morning, and I already wrote out the thank you notes for all the gifts I received.

I'd just say "I just wanted to make sure you received the gift we sent" or have FI mention something to his aunt/uncle.

melbelleup · September 2013

CallaLily25 said:

My FI and I sent a gift to his cousin for her bridal shower in late July, but we haven't gotten any indication that they received the gift. We couldn't attend the shower since she lives in CA and we live in PA, but now I'm nervous that the gift was never delivered. The shower was the beginning of August and their wedding is in 2 weeks. What is the typical timeline for bridal shower thank you notes?

I'm just hoping that they received the gift! I feel weird asking them about it, but I would hate for them to not have gotten it for some weird reason.

Give it another month and a half. I sent my friend a gift through Macy's, which I saw on the tracking label that it made it to them, but I didn't receive a thank you note until 2 weeks ago. I sent it in June. Although it really sucks when bride's don't send them out right away, give her a little time. It does however remind me to get mine out ASAP when my time comes for my showers and wedding.

climbingsingle · September 2013

I'd wait one more week and then would send her an email saying you just wanted to be sure it arrived and didn't get lost. I wouldn't wait until after the wedding. If it did in fact get lost and wasn't delivered to her, I wouldn't want to be at her wedding with her thinking I didn't send a gift.

CallaLily25 · September 2013

This is all great advice! Thank you so much!

grumbledore · September 2013

My understanding is that for pre-wedding parties, thank you should be sent within 2 weeks. My first shower was this morning, and I already wrote out the thank you notes for all the gifts I received. I'd just say "I just wanted to make sure you received the gift we sent" or have FI mention something to his aunt/uncle.

Yeah I have to agree that 2 months might be okay for a wedding gift thank you, but not a shower gift. There should be far less guests at a shower and therefore the cards shouldn't take as long, not to mention that I would wait for a thank you note after giving a shower gift before I even considered purchasing a wedding gift, because I am a stickler for thank you notes. No note, no more presents for you.

HisGirlFriday13 · September 2013

melbelleup said:

CallaLily25 said:

My FI and I sent a gift to his cousin for her bridal shower in late July, but we haven't gotten any indication that they received the gift. We couldn't attend the shower since she lives in CA and we live in PA, but now I'm nervous that the gift was never delivered. The shower was the beginning of August and their wedding is in 2 weeks. What is the typical timeline for bridal shower thank you notes?

I'm just hoping that they received the gift! I feel weird asking them about it, but I would hate for them to not have gotten it for some weird reason.

Give it another month and a half. I sent my friend a gift through Macy's, which I saw on the tracking label that it made it to them, but I didn't receive a thank you note until 2 weeks ago. I sent it in June. Although it really sucks when bride's don't send them out right away, give her a little time. It does however remind me to get mine out ASAP when my time comes for my showers and wedding.

For a total wait time of three months? No, absolutely not. That's ridiculous. The OUTSIDE of acceptable for a shower or other pre-wedding event is two weeks. Not two months. Certainly not three months.

I would have someone call -- you, your FI, whomever is closer to the person -- and be like, "We just wanted to make sure you got the WXYZ gift we sent you for your shower? The postal service is so unreliable, but we checked with the company we sent the gift through, and it says it was delivered."

If you think there's an element of shaming her in this, you're right. You are shaming her into doing what she should have done a month ago, which was write the damn thank-you note.

melbelleup · September 2013

grumbledore said:

My understanding is that for pre-wedding parties, thank you should be sent within 2 weeks. My first shower was this morning, and I already wrote out the thank you notes for all the gifts I received. I'd just say "I just wanted to make sure you received the gift we sent" or have FI mention something to his aunt/uncle.

Yeah I have to agree that 2 months might be okay for a wedding gift thank you, but not a shower gift. There should be far less guests at a shower and therefore the cards shouldn't take as long, not to mention that I would wait for a thank you note after giving a shower gift before I even considered purchasing a wedding gift, because I am a stickler for thank you notes. No note, no more presents for you.

And this is why I'm not sending my friend a wedding gift. I can't make the wedding regardless, and didn't attend the shower, but I sent 2 plate sets to her because I love her.

CallaLily25 · September 2013

I'm glad to know that I'm not wrong in feeling a little upset that I didn't get a thank you. It just seems a little unappreciative to me, but I didn't want to be catty or anything. I would've even settled for an informal text message or facebook post, haha.

I think I will have my FI casually ask his cousin. I don't want it to be awkward, but you are all right...she should have sent the note!

loca4pook · September 2013

Definitely ask.

My sister in law thought she sent a gift and then emailed me asking if I had received it. I had not. I was soooo glad she asked otherwise she would have thought I was rude forever. In the end, she realized she never hit "submit" and didn't actually order the gift...

Had she not asked, she would have never discoverd the error and would have just forever thought I had bad manners

loca4pook · September 2013

I agree. I HATE when I send a gift and people cannot even have the decency to acknowledge it. I'd even be happy with a thank you on facebook...uggh..people need to learn manners.

I had someone recently say to me "oh..yeah, I don't do those". seriously...You can't just say it "cute" and think that absolvves you. manners are manners

grumbledore · September 2013

I agree. I HATE when I send a gift and people cannot even have the decency to acknowledge it. I'd even be happy with a thank you on facebook...uggh..people need to learn manners.

I had someone recently say to me "oh..yeah, I don't do those". seriously...You can't just say it "cute" and think that absolvves you. manners are manners

______________________________________________________

I gave the whole lunch room a speech on thank you notes over the summer because one of them never got one from someone and a bunch of girls piled on saying, "Some people just don't know/don't do them." I lost my mind.

In the same group of like 8 women, two were guests at PPDs this summer. And had no problem with it. I just can't.

aurorajanette · September 2013

loca4pook said:

I agree. I HATE when I send a gift and people cannot even have the decency to acknowledge it. I'd even be happy with a thank you on facebook...uggh..people need to learn manners.

I had someone recently say to me "oh..yeah, I don't do those". seriously...You can't just say it "cute" and think that absolvves you. manners are manners

I hate it too. I attended a wedding last August of a previous co-worker from a job that I had left like 2 months before, and gave her a card with a generous check ($75 - we weren't friends, just co-workers). She cashed my check, and I never got a thank you note. I mentioned it to a work friend who also attended. She was blunt with the girl and asked why she didn't send them, and she responded with, "I didn't send one to anyone who gave me less than $100, because otherwise they were barely covering their plate, so it wasn't really a gift". Neither of us talked to her again after that. So rude.

CallaLily25 · September 2013

aurorajanette said:

loca4pook said:

I agree. I HATE when I send a gift and people cannot even have the decency to acknowledge it. I'd even be happy with a thank you on facebook...uggh..people need to learn manners.

I had someone recently say to me "oh..yeah, I don't do those". seriously...You can't just say it "cute" and think that absolvves you. manners are manners

I hate it too. I attended a wedding last August of a previous co-worker from a job that I had left like 2 months before, and gave her a card with a generous check ($75 - we weren't friends, just co-workers). She cashed my check, and I never got a thank you note. I mentioned it to a work friend who also attended. She was blunt with the girl and asked why she didn't send them, and she responded with, "I didn't send one to anyone who gave me less than $100, because otherwise they were barely covering their plate, so it wasn't really a gift". Neither of us talked to her again after that. So rude.

That is appalling! Wow...no words.

grumbledore · September 2013

aurorajanette said:

loca4pook said:

I agree. I HATE when I send a gift and people cannot even have the decency to acknowledge it. I'd even be happy with a thank you on facebook...uggh..people need to learn manners.

I had someone recently say to me "oh..yeah, I don't do those". seriously...You can't just say it "cute" and think that absolvves you. manners are manners

I hate it too. I attended a wedding last August of a previous co-worker from a job that I had left like 2 months before, and gave her a card with a generous check ($75 - we weren't friends, just co-workers). She cashed my check, and I never got a thank you note. I mentioned it to a work friend who also attended. She was blunt with the girl and asked why she didn't send them, and she responded with, "I didn't send one to anyone who gave me less than $100, because otherwise they were barely covering their plate, so it wasn't really a gift". Neither of us talked to her again after that. So rude.

Dear Lurkers - this is not okay. This is some of the rudest shit I've ever heard. My head would explode if someone said this to me.

photokitty · September 2013

CallaLily25 said:

aurorajanette said:

loca4pook said:

I agree. I HATE when I send a gift and people cannot even have the decency to acknowledge it. I'd even be happy with a thank you on facebook...uggh..people need to learn manners.

I had someone recently say to me "oh..yeah, I don't do those". seriously...You can't just say it "cute" and think that absolvves you. manners are manners

I hate it too. I attended a wedding last August of a previous co-worker from a job that I had left like 2 months before, and gave her a card with a generous check ($75 - we weren't friends, just co-workers). She cashed my check, and I never got a thank you note. I mentioned it to a work friend who also attended. She was blunt with the girl and asked why she didn't send them, and she responded with, "I didn't send one to anyone who gave me less than $100, because otherwise they were barely covering their plate, so it wasn't really a gift". Neither of us talked to her again after that. So rude.

That is appalling! Wow...no words.

My jaw literally fell open when I read that! =-O OMG! How rude!

On a side note, I didn't cash a check before I mailed the thank you note - good motivation to get them done quick!

I once asked a friend if she got my wedding preset bc 5 months later I didn't receive a thank you. She said "yes and I sent you a thank you." I said I didn't get it and she said oh well, I'm not sending another one.

grumbledore · September 2013

photokitty said:

CallaLily25 said:

aurorajanette said:

loca4pook said:

I agree. I HATE when I send a gift and people cannot even have the decency to acknowledge it. I'd even be happy with a thank you on facebook...uggh..people need to learn manners.

I had someone recently say to me "oh..yeah, I don't do those". seriously...You can't just say it "cute" and think that absolvves you. manners are manners

I hate it too. I attended a wedding last August of a previous co-worker from a job that I had left like 2 months before, and gave her a card with a generous check ($75 - we weren't friends, just co-workers). She cashed my check, and I never got a thank you note. I mentioned it to a work friend who also attended. She was blunt with the girl and asked why she didn't send them, and she responded with, "I didn't send one to anyone who gave me less than $100, because otherwise they were barely covering their plate, so it wasn't really a gift". Neither of us talked to her again after that. So rude.

That is appalling! Wow...no words.

My jaw literally fell open when I read that! =-O OMG! How rude!
On a side note, I didn't cash a check before I mailed the thank you note - good motivation to get them done quick!
I once asked a friend if she got my wedding preset bc 5 months later I didn't receive a thank you. She said "yes and I sent you a thank you." I said I didn't get it and she said oh well, I'm not sending another one.

Ew. The graceful thing to do would have been to say, "Oh no, I feel terrible, I'm so sorry you didn't get it! We love the ______ and never would have been so thoughtless."

Her reaction makes me not believe her.

arrippa · September 2013

My brother and SIL never sent a thank you note for a DW and a huge check. I am still a little bitter about that. I spent a lot of money on flights and hotels. I didn't expect a thank you for that but I did for the check.

MrsLillyG · September 2013

I was talking to a cousin about thank you notes for her wedding that was this past june and she said she would probably start writing thank you cards this coming january. lol

harper0813 · September 2013

Please ask them. I had a gift that Crate and Barrel never shipped and I wouldn't have known if a guest hasn't asked if I'd received it - 2.5 months later. I told her that I didn't remember getting it, I found it the order under C&B's thank-you list online and I called C&B. They shipped it right away.

No thank you card, 1.5 months after shower?

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