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private ceremony followed by a big "ceremony"??

elb3elb3 member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

I'm having a very small (immediate family only) private civil ceremony the day before the real 'wedding' - the usual big party with dinner, dancing and so on. I don't want to necessarily emphasize the fact that the official process took place the day before, but I would like to have some sort of ceremony-like event during the big party as a focal point. What are the options for a brief event to emphasize that what is being celebrated is, in fact, a marriage, without making my guests feel like they missed out on the actual event? 

thank you!! 

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Re: private ceremony followed by a big "ceremony"??

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    elb3 said:

    I'm having a very small (immediate family only) private civil ceremony the day before the real 'wedding' - the usual big party with dinner, dancing and so on. I don't want to necessarily emphasize the fact that the official process took place the day before, but I would like to have some sort of ceremony-like event during the big party as a focal point. What are the options for a brief event to emphasize that what is being celebrated is, in fact, a marriage, without making my guests feel like they missed out on the actual event? 

    thank you!! 

    What is the reason for the private ceremony one day, then a fake ceremony the next day?  I'm not seeing the logic behind that.  If you want to have a truly private ceremony, then just have the big party the next day, don't have a fake ceremony.  Your guests will feel like the missed out on the actual event, because they WILL be missing out on the actual event.  People will find out, they always do!  Don't lie to your guests.  If you really want the private ceremony, send out invitations to just the party the next day.

    Please come celebrate the marriage of Bride to Groom.

    Date
    Place
    Time

    Bride & Groom will be married in a private ceremony on x date.

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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Why are you getting married the day before?
    Don't do a fake wedding the next day. Just have the party with pp's invitation wording.

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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    The real wedding is the ceremony that makes you man and wife (or wife and wife or groom and groom...). A dress and lots of attention does not make a fake wedding real. Don't lie to your loved ones.



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  • JaneAustensGhostJaneAustensGhost member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Comment
    The fact that you're lying to your loved ones makes me think you're not quite ready to get married.  Why lie?

    Your idea is just plain rude.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    The only option for a brief event that I can think of is to be formally introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Otherwise, as you're already married, I can't think of an event to commentate the event.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Why have the legal ceremony the day before if you want all the bells and whistles the next day?

    And especially, why keep it secret? 

    Why not just have one combined ceremony and reception, rather than pretending the next day that the legal ceremony didn't take place?  That doesn't make sense.
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
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    I would not be happy if I went to a fake wedding--especially if I found out you got married the day before in secret--what is the point of that?  Sorry, but as PPs have pointed out your REAL wedding is the day you legally get married.  Not the day you throw a big party to celebrate it. 

    You can do a private ceremony and throw a big party after, but do not include a fake wedding ceremony with attendants and all that jazz.  make sure your guests know they are attending a party, not a reception, and host them to the nines.
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  • elb3elb3 member
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    hmm, looks like my question was a little misinterpreted. I *definitely* don't want to actually mislead or lie to my guests about what they're witnessing - I don't want anyone coming away thinking they've seen an actual marriage ceremony. 

    I was rather thinking that I'd like to include some focal point during the big party that would mark it as a celebration of a marriage. The idea being, this isn't just a huge party, this is a party celebrating our marriage. That's all. I was hoping to symbolize that somehow, in a way that would be meaningful without being misleading. 
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    elb3 said:
    hmm, looks like my question was a little misinterpreted. I *definitely* don't want to actually mislead or lie to my guests about what they're witnessing - I don't want anyone coming away thinking they've seen an actual marriage ceremony. 

    I was rather thinking that I'd like to include some focal point during the big party that would mark it as a celebration of a marriage. The idea being, this isn't just a huge party, this is a party celebrating our marriage. That's all. I was hoping to symbolize that somehow, in a way that would be meaningful without being misleading. 

    You could do a cake cutting event. You could do a spotlight dance event.
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  • GisellerinaGisellerina member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Comment Name Dropper
    Have your private ceremony, then have your party.  You don't need a fake ceremony for your guests to know they are attending a celebration of your marriage.  I had a ceremony for two (just H and I, not even immediate family) and then had my marriage celebration party for 100 guests.  Everyone knew why they were there - no need for a fake ceremony.  You can also include traditional reception elements in your celebration party - we had a cake-cutting and two toasts (one from H's little brother and one from my best friend).  It is possible to have a lovely marriage celebration party without a fake ceremony.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @elb3 What is the reason behind the private ceremony the day before?  That could help us answer your question better.  Do you just want it truly private, immediate family only?  If that is the reason, then just have your party the next day.  It would still be in recognition of your marriage.  I wouldn't wear a huge ball gown to your party the next day.  But I think if you wedding dress is simple, you could wear it again.  Have a spotlight dance (don't call it a first dance) and allow others to join you during it - to help open up the dance floor to others.  Cut a cake, but don't do the feeding each other.  No garter/bouquet toss.  And skip any ceremony at the party.  I think it would be fine to have your DJ announce you into the party, once everyone got there.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    As Oliveoilsmom said with her invitation wording, you would let your guests know this on your invitation.

    You are inviting your guests to celebrate the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Smith who were wed in a private ceremony on X date. 
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  • tally7tally7 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    You can have the reception the next day and the wedding the day before - just have fun !
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