Finalizing Head Count

dbanana · September 2013

So quick question on how to proceed here...

Wedding is October 12th. I need the head count to our caterer by September 28th (this Saturday). Our RSVP deadline was last Saturday (September 21st). We have had responses from everyone, sans one person. At this point, I have reached out to him to confirm whether or not he will be attending. So far, no response. My question is: what do I do about this? I text him, although I'm not sure he has the same phone number that I have, and received no response. I then facebook messaged him (last resort) and he has read the message but has not responded.

I know its only one person, but I don't want to include him in the final headcount and have to pay for his meal if he does not attend. On the other hand, I do not want to leave him out of the seating chart and he ends up attending. When someone does not respond by your deadline and does not respond to a further call, do you just assume they are not attending? What is right etiquette-wise?

misshart00 · September 2013

Send one more message saying if you don't hear from him by x date, you'll count him as a no.

JoanE2012 · September 2013

Send him a message and tell him if he doesn't respond by Friday that you will mark him as a "no".

huskypuppy14 · September 2013

Also, when you do catering, usually your headcount date at 2 weeks out is your minimum. That number can't go down, but if you find out he can come, I'm sure you can add him up to a few days before the wedding. And really, what happens when extra people show up at weddings, which we hear about on here all the time? They just charge you for any extras. I know when I did my sisters shower a couple years ago, I wish I had known these things. I had 3 or 4 people not show up, but 3 of them were maybe to begin with. So I should have said it was for 3 less people. Its not a huge deal, it was only 20 dollars a person, I think with tip and tax it ended up being an extra 100 dollars total.

grumbledore · September 2013

I would count him as a no and then if he shows up just add him on the day of.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

I would count him as a no. Unless he is in the hospital or had a death in his family there is no reason for him not to respond. If by some chance he is rude & just shows up, ask you vendor how they deal with that. Mine just said if we ended up going over original head count that they would just take the cost of the additional people out of our security deposit. Chances are you will have a table where you have one or two chairs free that he can be put at.

Jen4948 · September 2013

Consider him a no.

SewInLoveWithDMB · September 2013

I would consider him a no and not ask again. If he was planning on coming, he has had many times where he could have let you know.

dbanana · September 2013

I ended up messaging him once more and saying that our count is due on Friday so that if he does not respond by Thursday, I will consider him not coming (I added that we would love to have him there, but understand if he is unable to attend). As of this morning, he has officially viewed and not responded to that message. We will see what happens. At this point, its not a huge concern but rather an annoyance - is it that hard to even respond, "Not sure, will let you know soon."?

@SewinLoveWithDMB another October 12th bride!

Jen4948 · September 2013

It sounds to me like this guy is too rude, immature, or uncaring to simply respond "no."

simplykayla · September 2013

I'm having a similar situation like this right now, except it's with my sister. She ignored several of my attempts to contact her until I finally gave her a straight up deadline. We need to know by X date or I am marking you as a "No". Her response to that was that she still didn't know if she could make it, and has no idea when she'll no. The deadline I gave her is tomorrow, so I guess we'll see, but I'm dreading having to count my sister as a "No" because she cannot give me an answer.

simplykayla · September 2013

simplykayla said:

I'm having a similar situation like this right now, except it's with my sister. She ignored several of my attempts to contact her until I finally gave her a straight up deadline. We need to know by X date or I am marking you as a "No". Her response to that was that she still didn't know if she could make it, and has no idea when she'll know. The deadline I gave her is tomorrow, so I guess we'll see, but I'm dreading having to count my sister as a "No" because she cannot give me an answer.

ETA = I can't spell.

Jen4948 · September 2013

simplykayla said:

I'm having a similar situation like this right now, except it's with my sister. She ignored several of my attempts to contact her until I finally gave her a straight up deadline. We need to know by X date or I am marking you as a "No". Her response to that was that she still didn't know if she could make it, and has no idea when she'll no. The deadline I gave her is tomorrow, so I guess we'll see, but I'm dreading having to count my sister as a "No" because she cannot give me an answer.

It's really sad that your sister is jerking you around like this. I think you'll have to count her as a "no." I hope that's not the case, but given that she's pulling this on you and didn't take the time or reserve the resources to make sure she could attend kind of sounds like her passive-aggressive way of saying she doesn't want to come even if she can.

Finalizing Head Count

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