What would you do?

elio23 · September 2013

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted here in years (I was married in 2011) but I just received a wedding invitation that left me scratching my head. A high school friend of mine sent an me an invitation to her wedding. It will be a church wedding and there will not be any kind of reception. No cake and punch....nothing. It says so in big, bold letters on the bottom of the invite. She has always been very religious- no drinking, swearing, dancing..etc, so she was never been a party person. What confused me was that they have registered at three different stores. Am I supposed to bring a gift into the church? Has this happened to any of you? My mom said that she may set up a gift table at the church entrance ( her father is the pastor) but this whole thing seems very awkward to me.I'm not very close to her and we rarely speak anymore. I'm just wondering what you guys would do. Thanks.

Viczaesar · September 2013

I personally wouldn't attend. I definitely wouldn't give a gift.

AprilH81 · September 2013

I would probably not go to the wedding unless she was a close friend. Yes, the ceremony is the meaningful part but by not hosting SOMETHING afterwards it sounds very gift-grabby to me.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

I'd decline, but send her a nice card. . . I would not send a gift though, as you stated that you are no longer close.

KatWAG · September 2013

I am torn on this. Gifts are always optional. The wedding is for the couple and the reception is for the guests. For me, the type of reception shouldn't pay any part in what type of gift you give. IS she going to have a reception/ party later on or in a different state?

If you decide to go, I would send her a nice card.

Jen4948 · September 2013

I'd decline. Maybe I'd send a card.

climbingsingle · September 2013

I've never heard of something like this before. I'd decline the invite and I wouldn't send a gift. I probably would send a card.

itzMS · September 2013

elio23 said:

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted here in years (I was married in 2011) but I just received a wedding invitation that left me scratching my head. A high school friend of mine sent an me an invitation to her wedding. It will be a church wedding and there will not be any kind of reception. No cake and punch....nothing. It says so in big, bold letters on the bottom of the invite. She has always been very religious- no drinking, swearing, dancing..etc, so she was never been a party person. What confused me was that they have registered at three different stores. Am I supposed to bring a gift into the church? Has this happened to any of you? My mom said that she may set up a gift table at the church entrance ( her father is the pastor) but this whole thing seems very awkward to me.I'm not very close to her and we rarely speak anymore. I'm just wondering what you guys would do. Thanks.

I actually just posted about this on another board!

Sadly, this is becoming very trendy.

"It's an HONOR for you to come see me get married so bring me pressies but I won't host any reception for you because I don't want to and it's MY SPECIAL DAY!"

I would send them a nice card to their home. Attend the ceremony if you wish, but there's no way I'd buy a gift unless you're feeling terribly generous.

ElcaB · September 2013

That's odd. I agree with PPs: decline and send her a card.

misssunshine17 · September 2013

She's looking for gifts. Guess she missed where you're not supposed to be greedy. I would decline.

KeptInStitches · September 2013

I'd send a card but decline. If I'm invited to a wedding, I should be offered something as hospitality, IMO - doesn't have to be a 5-course meal, cake and punch are fine, but something.

Swazzle · September 2013

Ditto PPs. I wouldn't attend and I wouldn't send a gift. I would send a card.

photokitty · September 2013

I would decline and prolly send a gift.

Out of curiosity, how did you know she is registered at 3 stores? If she included that info with the invite I wouldn't send a gift.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

This is inconsiderate and horribly rude. Nothing says "come and celebrate me and bring me presents, but just so you know I won't be thanking you for any of that" like this invitation.

Unless you're really close with this person, I would decline and send her a congratulations/happy wedding card. No gift.

elio23 · September 2013

Thanks everyone. My husband just wanted to sent a card too. I think we'll do that. Sad to see this is becoming a trend and yes, their registration information was listed on the invite. I appreciate all your responses! Good luck with all of your wedding planning.

tammym1001 · September 2013

That seems really odd to me that they aren't doing anything at all after the wedding. Is it possible some people got an invite that says no reception, but maybe family is being taken to dinner or something? Not that that's any less rude, but I don't understand absolutely nothing at all after the ceremony.

elio23 · September 2013

tammym1001- That could be, I may just not be a chosen one. But the wedding is in the SMALL town where we grew up and word gets around quickly. I'm guessing they'll probably go to her moms house afterwards. Maybe immediate family will hang there. The whole thing is very gift-gabby. I declined the shower invite I was sent via facebook when I found out it was a pay-your-own meal type of thing. Poor etiquette is very common there. Dollar dances are the norm and you won't be able to find a reception hall that will do either a hosted bar or allow you to do a dry wedding. They're in it for the business and these places are cash bar only. But I've never seen this before...I've always at least had cake and soda.

TheBaysideBride · September 2013

that's bizarre.

send a card.....

NYCBruin · September 2013

KatWAG said:

I am torn on this. Gifts are always optional. The wedding is for the couple and the reception is for the guests. For me, the type of reception shouldn't pay any part in what type of gift you give. IS she going to have a reception/ party later on or in a different state?

If you decide to go, I would send her a nice card.

I agree with the bolded, except that there is NO reception happening. The bride even had the nerve to write it on the invitation!

OP-sounds like you're going with sending a card and not attending.

That this is a trend makes me sad for humanity. Now someone buy me a gift, because, damn it, I DESERVE one!

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

I'd decline and send her this gift: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/miss-manners-guide-to-a-surprisingly-dignified-wedding-judith-martin/1100291408?ean=9780393069143

delujm0 · September 2013

I've been to a few weddings for "very religious" people who don't drink or party or anything like that, and even for those, they had the ceremony in the church and then cake and punch in the church all-purpose space for about an hour afterwards. It wasn't fancy, but it was something. If she can't even be bothered to thank her guests for attending by providing them with cake and punch, she shouldn't be expcting gifts (which i assume she is because you wouldn't know about her three registries unless it was in the invitation which is completely rude).

i would pass, unless she was a VERY close friend. And honestly, if she was a VERY close friend, i'd offer to make her a cake that she could feed people after the ceremony as my gift!

doeydo · September 2013

I might attend but I wouldn't bring her anything since it is just a ceremony. If there was a shower I was invited to I would bring a gift, but it sounds like you aren't close anymore so that probably won't happen.

APDSS22 · September 2013

Wow. If this is a trend, do you think there's any possible way of stopping it? Maybe we could plaster etiquette pamphlets everywhere...

cowgirl8238 · September 2013

elio23 said:

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted here in years (I was married in 2011) but I just received a wedding invitation that left me scratching my head. A high school friend of mine sent an me an invitation to her wedding. It will be a church wedding and there will not be any kind of reception. No cake and punch....nothing. It says so in big, bold letters on the bottom of the invite. She has always been very religious- no drinking, swearing, dancing..etc, so she was never been a party person. What confused me was that they have registered at three different stores. Am I supposed to bring a gift into the church? Has this happened to any of you? My mom said that she may set up a gift table at the church entrance ( her father is the pastor) but this whole thing seems very awkward to me.I'm not very close to her and we rarely speak anymore. I'm just wondering what you guys would do. Thanks.

Personally I would not go and I would not send/give a gift...I find it rude when people invite someone to just a ceremony and then say well thanks and leave. I would, however, send her a card the day after the wedding and congratulate her on her marraige and leave it at that.

itzMS · September 2013

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Wow. If this is a trend, do you think there's any possible way of stopping it? Maybe we could plaster etiquette pamphlets everywhere...

It seems like what I've found (I've done research on Mr. Google), is that the couple is trying to save money, but still wants 200 people to come to the ceremony to bring them cards and gifts. So the couple tries to find any way to not host a reception.

Sadly, a lot of people feel that "It's an honor to be invited to the ceremony" and that guests "shouldn't expect a free meal".

Uh, yeah. Barf.

thisismynickname2 · September 2013

Decline and send a card.

Is this a residual effect of family/friend/societal pressure? "But, I want to see you get married!" For years I said I wanted to elope but my closest friends and parents all said that, seriously. And perhaps the registries are because "well, people are going to buy us gifts anyway .."

Just a thought.

loca4pook · September 2013

Is it possible it is a "tiered" wedding wher you are invited to CHURCH but not reception? If THAT is the case, definitely no gift

loves2shop4shoes · September 2013

If she put her registry in the invite, that's RUDE.

I'd decline. She could've at least given you some cake to NOM.

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