Looking for a non-traditional engagement ring

Re: Looking for a non-traditional engagement ring

• CLoGreenEyes member

  

  September 2013

  @NewBride, I am sorry you are going through this. It has got to be tough, but I'm glad your man is willing to work on himself and your relationship so you can see a better future together.

  
  

  First, I think it's very, very crucial that you remember what's really important to focus on before thinking about the ring. Since half of your post is about the ring and half is about the underlying issue, I think it's fair to point out. Honestly, I wouldn't even worry about what kind of ring you want until after the deadline you've set. Concentrate on participating in marriage counseling, communicating with each other, and just rebuilding your trust and bond. I think it's very interesting that you have immediately honed in on how much you want him to spend on the ring, instead of stating what you expect from him in terms of accountability, emotional investment in your future, etc. Something to consider.

  
  

  Assuming all of that goes well, I think the ring just depends on your tastes and budget. Go with him, look at rings online or at a jeweler's, see what you like. Basically the same process all couples go through when committing (or re-committing, as the case may be). I am not too much help with jewelry since I don't have a whole lot of my own, but to determine my tastes, I just Google different things when I'm sick of studying. I have browsed Gemvara.com, as they have some pretty unique styles with diamonds as well as a good variety of gemstones. I've seen ladies here mention Moissanite Co. and I am falling in love with some of their wedding sets. Their page on right-hand rings might have some non-traditional rings that would appeal. Otherwise, perhaps others can chime in with other ideas.

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• NewBride1219

  

  September 2013

  I've been so completely focused on what needs to be done that it's been wearing me down.  I have PTSD from my first marriage (there was A LOT of shit I dealt with) and will likely be on medication for the rest of my life.  I've spent time in four different hospitals due to my PTSD.  It's been very rough.  So, believe me.  I'm quite aware of what needs to happen before my deadline.  Things have been extremely hard.

  
  

  So, I thought it might be refreshing to take a minute and think, "You know... maybe he will do what it takes... maybe we'll be stronger through this." and enjoy thinking about the things regular girls think about when preparing to spend their lives with someone.

  
  

  Thanks so much for your response.  I appreciate the thought you put into it.

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  September 2013

  I'm sorry that this happened to you. That sounds really shitty. When is the deadline? What criteria are you striving for here in terms of making this relationship better? Addressing your discussion question: In terms of non-traditional rings, if I were you I would look around Etsy for design ideas. Then possibly bring them to a local jeweler. You can also make a concept ring. For example, say you enjoy science. You could make a DNA helix ring out of a metal and have diamonds around the band. Or check out the star wars r2d2 engagement ring by Paul Bierker ring. Depending on your deadline, you have time to figure out what you'd like to do in terms of your ring design and with your relationship. Good luck. I hope things work out for the best. 

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• bethsmiles member

  

  September 2013

  Like the PPs said I'm sorry about everything they've gone through. I think @Amapola14 gave you great advice regarding your situation so I'll skip right to your question about rings.
  
  Have you considered getting a non-diamond engagement ring? It can make the ring quite a bit cheaper, isn't traditional, and there a lot of really beautiful options.
  
  I second the idea of looking around etsy, there are a lot of really awesome designs there.
  

  
  

  
  

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• CLoGreenEyes member

  

  September 2013

  Gotcha. Thank you for your post and clarifying, that all makes sense. And again, so sorry that you have been through so much. You definitely deserve some brighter days ahead!

  
  

  I totally forgot about Etsy! Custommade.com may also have some ideas and designs that tickle your fancy; you may even find a vendor you like that you can work with directly.

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• minskat30 member

  

  September 2013

  I think @amapola14 gave you some great advice.  I assume you are still in therapy to try to resolve this, right?  I'm really sorry you are going through this.  An affair is devistating and, with your past history, I can see why you would want to focus on something normal. I admire your courage in trying to work this out with you husband - I think a lot of women who haven't been through an affair immediately think it is a deal breaker but when you go through it, I would imagine, it is an entirely different scenario.

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• NewBride1219

  

  September 2013

  Thank you so much, ladies.  Your comments have been encouraging.  I love the R2D2 ring... so unique!  

  
  

  I really think I'm leaning toward a non-diamond ring now.  And I think I'll have something designed, like bride2b suggested.  

  
  

  Great ideas, ladies!  I knew I came to the right place.

  
  

  And thanks again for the encouragement and support.  A lot of people jump on the "Why don't you just leave him" bandwagon, but I just don't have a peace about leaving and one thing my first marriage taught me is that if you wait until you know for sure you're making the right choice, you'll never have regrets.  

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  September 2013

  @NewBride1219 my FI actually debated whether or not to get me the R2D2 ring as an e-ring. He actually used it as a diversion (I was convinced that I was going to have some star wars bling on my finger), but he ended up going with a jeweler from Etsy and created a ring that I love just as much if not more. I've seen a bunch of things done in terms of design, my friend who is a HUGE harry potter fan received a .5KT  yellow diamond  (used from his grandmother's ring) solitaire with a rose gold band with wing etchings creating a snitch. It was very unique and I thought her FI was really creative with that one. You also have to find the perfect jeweler to execute the design which will mean a LOT of interviews, and combing over reviews from prior customers. I really hope things work out! 

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• loves2shop4shoes member

  

  September 2013

  My situation here is completely non-traditional.  My first marriage ended when my ex cheated on me so many times that he lost count.  When he refused to give up his hookers, I left him.
  
  I'm so sorry you went through that.  How awful.
  

  
  

  I married a man who was completely devoted to me and my kids.  But then he had an affair.  He was remorseful (unlike my ex) and we are working on things.  There are days when I hate him so much for what he did that I want to leave.  But then there are good days.  I've set a deadline date and if things are drastically improved by that date, I will leave him.  If things are better, he will propose again and we'll start over, celebrating a new anniversary each year with a new wedding ring. 
  
  I don't understand.  You get married to someone once.  You don't get a marriage, or wedding, or engagement do-over.  Do you really think that the way to move past an affair is to get re-engaged and celebrate a new anniversary?  Do you think looking down at a new ring (instead of the one he originally proposed with) WON'T remind you of the fact that he had an affair?  I mean, it's not the one he proposed with...so of course it will!  It'll be a constant reminder that things have changed.  I have no stake in this, but do you REALLY think this will fix your marriage?
  

  
  

  Today is one of those days when I really need to think about things in a positive light.  Because our situation is so untraditional, I want a ring that is completely untraditional (I sold my ring after his affair).  We can't afford something huge and fancy, but I don't want to go cheap... I need him to financially invest in me again.  I'm thinking around $4000.

  
  

  I'm a bit of a nerd/geek/book-lover, so I've even considered geekery-type rings.  I am just f'ing sick of being betrayed by the men I marry and I want a ring that will NOT remind me of that every.f'ing.single.day.

  
  

  See previous comment about how a new ring WILL remind you of it every day.  Since it's not the original ring.  And you'll know the story behind it.
  
  Hug.  Goodluck to you.
  

  My NEW Blog!
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  September 2013

  For non-traditional, there are also a lot of beautiful antique rings out there that seem to vary a lot more in style than engagement rings do nowadays. (Though maybe an antique would go against the idea of a 'fresh' start)

  
  

  Also just wanted to say that I think it's really brave first of all for opening up about the situation you're in. It's an unfortunate truth that a lot of people DO commit/experience infidelity in a marriage, and MANY of them decide its worth it to work through it instead of walking away from the life they've built together. Sometimes those experiences can lead to rebuilding an even stronger foundation, sometimes they don't. However it works out, I hope you find peace and strength in yourself. 

  
  

  xo

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