Dear Amy: When I was in my 20s, I was in a loving and devoted relationship with a woman for five years. After several bad episodes, she ended it.
Four decades later, I still value the quality of the affection we shared and the lessons that I learned. That relationship has shaped much of the way I choose to live today. While I truly have no lingering desire for her, I am deeply appreciative of her influence in my life. We have gone our separate and successfully married ways. I am a thousand miles away and completely "over her."
We have not communicated in all this time.
During our relationship, she made me a gift. It is a beautiful, finely knit sweater, which took her many hours of effort. I have kept it in excellent condition for all these years.
I have a desire to return it to her with no messages attached, so that she might enjoy it or give it away. I want no response for this gesture. For me, this is just to say an (unspoken) thanks for all that she gave me all those years ago.
Is this unwise? Could this look like an attempt at a rapprochement, or would this gesture anger her? Should I give the sweater to her brother and let him decide what to do with it? — Grateful for the Gifts