Wedding Etiquette Forum

No Show MOH

First, let me start off by saying that my MOH has been my best friend since we were 15 and we've always promised to be each other's MOH...and I love her, and her 3 children (my god-children) dearly. However....since I got engaged last month, she's been an ABSOLUTE NO SHOW! She didn't come to the bridal expo with me, my mother, and 2 of my bridesmaids. I made an appointment to look at dresses (just to get an idea) this weekend, and she said she isn't sure if she can come...to be fair, I did make the appointment less than a week ago so I can understand. But, I also made another appointment at a different boutique for a MONTH from now, told her about it so that she has enough time to look at her schedule and see if she can come (it's all of 25 minutes from our respective homes) and she said NOTHING. I went to one dress appointment by myself (to get over the initial anxiety of dress shopping lol) and sent her a picture of the dress that I LOVE...she sends back "it's cute...just hope they can take it up enough to look good" The HELL?! Yes, I am 5'1 and yes, the dress will need to be taken up, but I also plan on wearing 4 1/2 inch heels. I just feel like she could've kept that comment to herself. The other 2 bridesmaids that I sent the picture too, gushed over it and said I looked amazing. *sigh*

Anytime I try to talk to her about all this, she just keeps saying that she's surprised how "not understanding" I'm being of her schedule and her situation with the kids. Keep in mind, I lived with her for 3 months and have helped raise ALL 3 of her children. Not only that, but I have also cancelled my own plans to help her out and have done so much to help her and the kids, that this really hurts. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to not have her in, or at, my wedding....but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell her how much this hurts me and that I feel like she doesn't want to be a part of it.

Am I being a Bridezilla or overreacting? This has been, to be honest, the biggest stressor of everything thus far.

Re: No Show MOH

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think you've been overreacting.

    Let her figure out her own scheduling and purchase of her dress.  As long as she shows up at your wedding in it on time and in good spirits, she's doing her job as MOH.  That's all you can reasonably expect of her.
    Blue_BirdSTARMOON44[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    That was a letdown about the pic of you in a gown, I agree. She doesn't need to go to the bridal expo. She doesn't need to go wedding gown shopping. She's busy with her family. It probably has nothing to do with you or your wedding. Reevaluate your expectations. Your wedding needs pale in comparison to her children's needs. Most likely she'll show up to buy her BM dress and wear it to the wedding with a smile on her face.

    First, let me start off by saying that my MOH has been my best friend since we were 15 and we've always promised to be each other's MOH...and I love her, and her 3 children (my god-children) dearly. However....since I got engaged last month, she's been an ABSOLUTE NO SHOW! She didn't come to the bridal expo with me, my mother, and 2 of my bridesmaids. I made an appointment to look at dresses (just to get an idea) this weekend, and she said she isn't sure if she can come...to be fair, I did make the appointment less than a week ago so I can understand. But, I also made another appointment at a different boutique for a MONTH from now, told her about it so that she has enough time to look at her schedule and see if she can come (it's all of 25 minutes from our respective homes) and she said NOTHING. I went to one dress appointment by myself (to get over the initial anxiety of dress shopping lol) and sent her a picture of the dress that I LOVE...she sends back "it's cute...just hope they can take it up enough to look good" The HELL?! Yes, I am 5'1 and yes, the dress will need to be taken up, but I also plan on wearing 4 1/2 inch heels. I just feel like she could've kept that comment to herself. The other 2 bridesmaids that I sent the picture too, gushed over it and said I looked amazing. *sigh*

    Anytime I try to talk to her about all this, she just keeps saying that she's surprised how "not understanding" I'm being of her schedule and her situation with the kids. Keep in mind, I lived with her for 3 months and have helped raise ALL 3 of her children. Not only that, but I have also cancelled my own plans to help her out and have done so much to help her and the kids, that this really hurts. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to not have her in, or at, my wedding....but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell her how much this hurts me and that I feel like she doesn't want to be a part of it.

    Am I being a Bridezilla or overreacting? This has been, to be honest, the biggest stressor of everything thus far.


    [Deleted User]
  • First, let me start off by saying that my MOH has been my best friend since we were 15 and we've always promised to be each other's MOH...and I love her, and her 3 children (my god-children) dearly. However....since I got engaged last month, she's been an ABSOLUTE NO SHOW! She didn't come to the bridal expo with me, my mother, and 2 of my bridesmaids. I made an appointment to look at dresses (just to get an idea) this weekend, and she said she isn't sure if she can come...to be fair, I did make the appointment less than a week ago so I can understand. But, I also made another appointment at a different boutique for a MONTH from now, told her about it so that she has enough time to look at her schedule and see if she can come (it's all of 25 minutes from our respective homes) and she said NOTHING. I went to one dress appointment by myself (to get over the initial anxiety of dress shopping lol) and sent her a picture of the dress that I LOVE...she sends back "it's cute...just hope they can take it up enough to look good" The HELL?! Yes, I am 5'1 and yes, the dress will need to be taken up, but I also plan on wearing 4 1/2 inch heels. I just feel like she could've kept that comment to herself. The other 2 bridesmaids that I sent the picture too, gushed over it and said I looked amazing. *sigh*

    Anytime I try to talk to her about all this, she just keeps saying that she's surprised how "not understanding" I'm being of her schedule and her situation with the kids. Keep in mind, I lived with her for 3 months and have helped raise ALL 3 of her children. Not only that, but I have also cancelled my own plans to help her out and have done so much to help her and the kids, that this really hurts. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to not have her in, or at, my wedding....but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell her how much this hurts me and that I feel like she doesn't want to be a part of it.

    Am I being a Bridezilla or overreacting? This has been, to be honest, the biggest stressor of everything thus far.

    You're overreacting. I get that you're bummed that she's not overly excited, but the bolded is just silly. Her not willing to gush over you is not a stressful. No one will be as excited for your wedding as you - and that's ok. Repeat that to yourself. 

    You don't have an MOH problem, you have a friend problem. Why don't you ask her out to coffee to just catch up on life? Ask her how things are going on her end. Say you're feeling disconnected from her. DO NOT mention your wedding. I understand it's the biggest thing in your life right now, but take it down a notch just for a bit. It sounds like she's got something going on so be there for her; be her friend, not the bride, for just a bit. 

    Friendships are not tit for tat. They are about caring for one another. Don't try to measure up your helping her with the kids with her trying on dresses. Kids trump dresses any day. Sorry. 

    And talk here on TK about your dress and colors and everything else. You'll get plenty of opinions and gushing without driving your nearest and dearest insane. 
    image
    simplykaylamelbelleupPrettyGirlLost
  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    You are a wonderful friend for helping her raise her kids and taking time for them.
    Raising children is one of the most difficult, time consuming things a person can do in her life. Planning a wedding... not really.
    If she has three kids to schedule her life around and has to work to support them, it's great if she has time to left over to take part in the process, but please don't be too hurt that that isn't her priority, because honestly it shouldn't be.

    Just remember that no one is ever excited about your wedding as much as you and your groom will be.

    As long as she gets the dress which is within the budget she gave you, and shows up with a smile on your wedding day, she's done everything she needs to do as a MOH. If that's all she's able to do it isn't because she doesn't love you. And if she's able to do more, then that's really special considering what else she's got going on and she obviously cherishes you a lot.

    Take heart!

    ETA:
    About your dress... don't know what to tell you. Maybe she wasn't in love with it and she wanted to give you her honest feedback. Not everyone is going to love the exact same dress. But if you pick one you love, even if she didn't love it on the hanger or in the pictures from the shop dressing room... when she sees you walk down the aisle, so happy on your wedding day, she'll definitely change her tune. :)
    melbelleupPrettyGirlLost
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    First, let me start off by saying that my MOH has been my best friend since we were 15 and we've always promised to be each other's MOH...and I love her, and her 3 children (my god-children) dearly. However....since I got engaged last month, she's been an ABSOLUTE NO SHOW! She didn't come to the bridal expo with me, my mother, and 2 of my bridesmaids. I made an appointment to look at dresses (just to get an idea) this weekend, and she said she isn't sure if she can come...to be fair, I did make the appointment less than a week ago so I can understand. But, I also made another appointment at a different boutique for a MONTH from now, told her about it so that she has enough time to look at her schedule and see if she can come (it's all of 25 minutes from our respective homes) and she said NOTHING. I went to one dress appointment by myself (to get over the initial anxiety of dress shopping lol) and sent her a picture of the dress that I LOVE...she sends back "it's cute...just hope they can take it up enough to look good" The HELL?! Yes, I am 5'1 and yes, the dress will need to be taken up, but I also plan on wearing 4 1/2 inch heels. I just feel like she could've kept that comment to herself. The other 2 bridesmaids that I sent the picture too, gushed over it and said I looked amazing. *sigh*

    Anytime I try to talk to her about all this, she just keeps saying that she's surprised how "not understanding" I'm being of her schedule and her situation with the kids. Keep in mind, I lived with her for 3 months and have helped raise ALL 3 of her children. Not only that, but I have also cancelled my own plans to help her out and have done so much to help her and the kids, that this really hurts. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to not have her in, or at, my wedding....but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell her how much this hurts me and that I feel like she doesn't want to be a part of it.

    Am I being a Bridezilla or overreacting? This has been, to be honest, the biggest stressor of everything thus far.


    Yes, you're overreacting, and on your way to Bridezillaville. Unless your MOH didn't show up to your actual wedding she is not a 'no show.' Stop inundating her with stuff about your wedding. If she's interested in looking at pictures of dresses or going to bridal shows she'll initiate. The only thing she actually has to do is get the selected attire and show up the day of the wedding. Anything else is gravy.



    [Deleted User]
  • I had 3 bridesmaids. The only one of them that I went shopping with for bridesmaids dresses was my sister and that's because she asked me to. The other two paid and picked up their dresses on their own. I didn't need to supervise them. They are adults. All I did was tell them the color and i showed them the dress my sister liked and bought. I also told them if they liked another dress in the same color i was fine with that too. Also I went dress shopping for me with just my sister and my mom. One of my bridesmaids had a toddler and the other was in grad school. I didn't expect them to drop everything for me.

    Stop being the bride for a minute and just be a friend. Have lunch or dinner and catch up. I know this is the biggest thing you have going on right now and its hard to keep fromttalking about it. But she has other more important things - like her three kids.
    mbcscrat04
  • If THIS is stressing you out then wait 'til the poo really hits the fan in wedding planning.  Seriously...this is nothing.  I'll venture to say you're probably being a crappy friend since this whole wedding thing has started rolling along.  I had to catch myself a number of times in the 9 months I was engaged and chatting with friends in the wedding party. We get so wrapped up in our lives and the wedding planning that we tend to become crappy friends.
    mbcscrat04
  • As PP have said, the only thing BMs (including the MOH) really must do is show up, in the agreed upon dress and sober. 

    However, I know many brides hope to do more with the gals.  You need to talk to your MOH and see what works for BOTH of you.  If you'd like her to accompany you on the dress hunt, ask her about what works for her in terms of scheduling (obv your schedule is important too...like most things in friendships, it's about finding the spot that makes you boh happy). 

    You should also just chat with her like you always have....about life in general, aside from weddings.  Nurture the friendship, don't lose it in the flurry of wedding planning.

    And breathe.  And smile.  You are lucky to have a friend of so many years.  You are lucky to be marrying someone you love.  Weddings are stressful and it is important to take time to just "be" and to look around and be happy at having so much love in your life

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    mbcscrat04
  • First, let me start off by saying that my MOH has been my best friend since we were 15 and we've always promised to be each other's MOH...and I love her, and her 3 children (my god-children) dearly. However....since I got engaged last month, she's been an ABSOLUTE NO SHOW! 


    She didn't come to the bridal expo with me, my mother, and 2 of my bridesmaids. I made an appointment to look at dresses (just to get an idea) this weekend, and she said she isn't sure if she can come...to be fair, I did make the appointment less than a week ago so I can understand. But, I also made another appointment at a different boutique for a MONTH from now, told her about it so that she has enough time to look at her schedule and see if she can come (it's all of 25 minutes from our respective homes) and she said NOTHING.  Why does she need to go to an expo with you are already going with a bunch of people? 

     I went to one dress appointment by myself (to get over the initial anxiety of dress shopping lol) and sent her a picture of the dress that I LOVE...she sends back "it's cute...just hope they can take it up enough to look good" The HELL?! Yes, I am 5'1 and yes, the dress will need to be taken up, but I also plan on wearing 4 1/2 inch heels. I just feel like she could've kept that comment to herself. The other 2 bridesmaids that I sent the picture too, gushed over it and said I looked amazing. *sigh*  So, you are upset because she wasn't excited about the dress you loved? Whether something can be shortened and still look good is a legitimate concern if it's going to be a big alteration. She's your friend, don't you trust her to tell her the truth when you ask her what she thinks? Sure, she could have "gushed", but why would she fake it?

    Anytime I try to talk to her about all this, she just keeps saying that she's surprised how "not understanding" I'm being of her schedule and her situation with the kids. Keep in mind, I lived with her for 3 months and have helped raise ALL 3 of her children. Not only that, but I have also cancelled my own plans to help her out and have done so much to help her and the kids, that this really hurts. I don't know what to do at this point. You, as a single person with presumably no children were able to change your schedule to help her out, and you are upset that she, a mom with three kids, can't do the same for you? Let this go, raising kids isn't the same as planning a wedding when it comes to commitments and priorities. 


    I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to not have her in, or at, my wedding....but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell her how much this hurts me and that I feel like she doesn't want to be a part of it. What makes you think she doesn't want to be a part of it? Remember, to you, this is a huge life event, but to her, it's a party months, if not years, away. I'm sure on that day she'll be there happy, sappy, and gushing over you!

    Am I being a Bridezilla or overreacting? Yes. This has been, to be honest, the biggest stressor of everything thus far.


    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • Thank you all for your honest and very objective thoughts, I really appreciate it. After re-reading what I wrote, I realize that I really did come across as a Bridezilla lol And yes, maybe I should slow down a little...I didn't realize I was jumping the gun so much with some planning....I've never done this before lol

    I guess what I was trying to say, and obviously didn't say was that what I found to be so hurtful is the fact that she was all excited when I told her and when I first started planning, she was asking questions about color scheme, size of the bridal party, type of BM/MOH dresses, venue style, etc...and then just dropped off the radar.

    I've called and left messages, not related to the wedding, to try and catch up. Most of the calls/messages have gone unreturned. If something is going on with her, it would be news to me. It's not like us to go without talking or not knowing what's going on with the other.

    We haven't done any looking for BM dresses as now is entirely too early. The appts that I made for dresses were for my wedding dress. And I don't expect her to be at ALL of my shopping excursions, but 1 at least would be nice. And, what I don't get is that when I told her that my one BM was coming to the expo with me, she got upset and said that she felt like I was "leaving her out" and "not including" her when I invited them both at the same time...hence some of my confusion. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading more into this than I should be, maybe I'm being overly sensitive. I don't know. All I do know is that when I invite her to do stuff, she can't come and then gets upset when someone else (My Mom, my MIL, or another BM)  but then wants to do a full-on BM get together.

    SKPMaurorajanette
  • You are just bummed that your best friend isn't as into this as you are, which is normal. The best thing you can do is make appointments for stuff, invite who you would like to be there but understand that not everyone is going to be able to make it to everything. Try not to include your BM in on everything you do. Sometimes too many people, too many opinions, it makes things confusing & stressful.

    When it comes to dress shopping, find out what her budget it, so that way if you and the other BM go shopping without her you can pick dresses out keeping that in mind. If she isn't there when you all come to a decision on what to do for dresses, then she just doesn't have a say in it, as long as the dress is in the budget she gave you.

    Good luck & remember to occassionally call/text/email her & just ask her how she's doing, how the kids are doing, don't bring up any wedding stuff unless she asks about it. It will go a long way with your friendship. Yes, your wedding is important, but so are the things going on in their lives. :)

    mbcscrat04
  • Salsera29Salsera29 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013

    Thank you all for your honest and very objective thoughts, I really appreciate it. After re-reading what I wrote, I realize that I really did come across as a Bridezilla lol And yes, maybe I should slow down a little...I didn't realize I was jumping the gun so much with some planning....I've never done this before lol

    I guess what I was trying to say, and obviously didn't say was that what I found to be so hurtful is the fact that she was all excited when I told her and when I first started planning, she was asking questions about color scheme, size of the bridal party, type of BM/MOH dresses, venue style, etc...and then just dropped off the radar.

    I've called and left messages, not related to the wedding, to try and catch up. Most of the calls/messages have gone unreturned. If something is going on with her, it would be news to me. It's not like us to go without talking or not knowing what's going on with the other.

    We haven't done any looking for BM dresses as now is entirely too early. The appts that I made for dresses were for my wedding dress. And I don't expect her to be at ALL of my shopping excursions, but 1 at least would be nice. And, what I don't get is that when I told her that my one BM was coming to the expo with me, she got upset and said that she felt like I was "leaving her out" and "not including" her when I invited them both at the same time...hence some of my confusion. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading more into this than I should be, maybe I'm being overly sensitive. I don't know. All I do know is that when I invite her to do stuff, she can't come and then gets upset when someone else (My Mom, my MIL, or another BM)  but then wants to do a full-on BM get together.

    Kudos to you for taking the honest feedback like an adult. Many other threads that start out with a question like yours go much differently. I encourage you to stick around here you will learn a lot! 

    If it is important to her to be there for these appts, ask her to give you a date/dates she can go and then work your schedule around it. 

    Edited to fix where I said "you will earn a lot." I promise you will "earn" nothing lol
    mbcscrat04SKPMaurorajanettejendemeyer
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2013

    First, let me start off by saying that my MOH has been my best friend since we were 15 and we've always promised to be each other's MOH...and I love her, and her 3 children (my god-children) dearly. However....since I got engaged last month, she's been an ABSOLUTE NO SHOW! She didn't come to the bridal expo with me, my mother, and 2 of my bridesmaids. I made an appointment to look at dresses (just to get an idea) this weekend, and she said she isn't sure if she can come...to be fair, I did make the appointment less than a week ago so I can understand. But, I also made another appointment at a different boutique for a MONTH from now, told her about it so that she has enough time to look at her schedule and see if she can come (it's all of 25 minutes from our respective homes) and she said NOTHING. I went to one dress appointment by myself (to get over the initial anxiety of dress shopping lol) and sent her a picture of the dress that I LOVE...she sends back "it's cute...just hope they can take it up enough to look good" The HELL?! Yes, I am 5'1 and yes, the dress will need to be taken up, but I also plan on wearing 4 1/2 inch heels. I just feel like she could've kept that comment to herself. The other 2 bridesmaids that I sent the picture too, gushed over it and said I looked amazing. *sigh*

    Anytime I try to talk to her about all this, she just keeps saying that she's surprised how "not understanding" I'm being of her schedule and her situation with the kids. Keep in mind, I lived with her for 3 months and have helped raise ALL 3 of her children. Not only that, but I have also cancelled my own plans to help her out and have done so much to help her and the kids, that this really hurts. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to not have her in, or at, my wedding....but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell her how much this hurts me and that I feel like she doesn't want to be a part of it.

    Am I being a Bridezilla or overreacting? This has been, to be honest, the biggest stressor of everything thus far.


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Yes, you are.  You are being ridiculous.  Your friend has 3 children and a life of her own - she's not going to be at your beck and call.  There's nothing wrong with her not going dress shopping with you.  If it's really important to you that she be there with you, maybe find out her schedule
    before you schedule appointments rather than summoning her to be there.

    And take a chill pill, you literally just got engaged, let's not go off the deep end after a month.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Salsera29 said:

    Thank you all for your honest and very objective thoughts, I really appreciate it. After re-reading what I wrote, I realize that I really did come across as a Bridezilla lol And yes, maybe I should slow down a little...I didn't realize I was jumping the gun so much with some planning....I've never done this before lol

    I guess what I was trying to say, and obviously didn't say was that what I found to be so hurtful is the fact that she was all excited when I told her and when I first started planning, she was asking questions about color scheme, size of the bridal party, type of BM/MOH dresses, venue style, etc...and then just dropped off the radar.

    I've called and left messages, not related to the wedding, to try and catch up. Most of the calls/messages have gone unreturned. If something is going on with her, it would be news to me. It's not like us to go without talking or not knowing what's going on with the other.

    We haven't done any looking for BM dresses as now is entirely too early. The appts that I made for dresses were for my wedding dress. And I don't expect her to be at ALL of my shopping excursions, but 1 at least would be nice. And, what I don't get is that when I told her that my one BM was coming to the expo with me, she got upset and said that she felt like I was "leaving her out" and "not including" her when I invited them both at the same time...hence some of my confusion. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading more into this than I should be, maybe I'm being overly sensitive. I don't know. All I do know is that when I invite her to do stuff, she can't come and then gets upset when someone else (My Mom, my MIL, or another BM)  but then wants to do a full-on BM get together.

    Kudos to you for taking the honest feedback like an adult. Many other threads that start out with a question like yours go much differently. I encourage you to stick around here you will learn a lot! 

    If it is important to her to be there for these appts, ask her to give you a date/dates she can go and then work your schedule around it. 

    Edited to fix where I said "you will earn a lot." I promise you will "earn" nothing lol
    This, exactly! 
    mbcscrat04
  • Out of interest is she married?

    Sounds like it could be jealousy either because she is single or because she had her day long ago.

    LakeR2014[Deleted User]
  • Pepper6Pepper6 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2013

    First, let me start off by saying that my MOH has been my best friend since we were 15 and we've always promised to be each other's MOH...and I love her, and her 3 children (my god-children) dearly. However....since I got engaged last month, she's been an ABSOLUTE NO SHOW! She didn't come to the bridal expo with me, my mother, and 2 of my bridesmaids. I made an appointment to look at dresses (just to get an idea) this weekend, and she said she isn't sure if she can come...to be fair, I did make the appointment less than a week ago so I can understand. But, I also made another appointment at a different boutique for a MONTH from now, told her about it so that she has enough time to look at her schedule and see if she can come (it's all of 25 minutes from our respective homes) and she said NOTHING. I went to one dress appointment by myself (to get over the initial anxiety of dress shopping lol) and sent her a picture of the dress that I LOVE...she sends back "it's cute...just hope they can take it up enough to look good" The HELL?! Yes, I am 5'1 and yes, the dress will need to be taken up, but I also plan on wearing 4 1/2 inch heels. I just feel like she could've kept that comment to herself. The other 2 bridesmaids that I sent the picture too, gushed over it and said I looked amazing. *sigh*

    Anytime I try to talk to her about all this, she just keeps saying that she's surprised how "not understanding" I'm being of her schedule and her situation with the kids. Keep in mind, I lived with her for 3 months and have helped raise ALL 3 of her children. Not only that, but I have also cancelled my own plans to help her out and have done so much to help her and the kids, that this really hurts. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to not have her in, or at, my wedding....but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell her how much this hurts me and that I feel like she doesn't want to be a part of it.

    Am I being a Bridezilla or overreacting? This has been, to be honest, the biggest stressor of everything thus far.




    PPs have covered the whole MOH thing well, so I just wanted to comment on this....are you sure you want to do that?  You will likely be in your shoes for 12+ hours, 4 1/2" heels will probably make you want to cut off your feet long before then.  And if you get your dress altered for 4 1/2" heels, then you can't switch to flats later because it will be too long.  If you can handle all that, then great, but I just notice that some brides don't think about this kind of stuff at first and then come back to tell us how much they regret it later.

    Also, if the picture you sent her had tons of bunching at the bottom because it was too long, that makes a huge difference in the way the dress looks.  Depending on the style, they can only cut off so much length without altering the entire look of the dress, so it doesn't sound like your MOH was trying to be bitchy with that comment, just concerned about how it will look once it's altered to fit you.  When you do buy your dress, see if it comes in a petite length, that will help avoid the worry about changing the look of the dress.
  • Take a few breaths and don't stress.  As most of the pp's have pointed out all a BM has to do is show up the day of wedding in the dress and be sober.  It can be a bit of a bummer that she isn't as excited for your wedding as you are but then again who is ever more excited then the bride about her wedding?  It sounds like you still have some good friends to help you out.  Enjoy!
    mbcscrat04
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Out of interest is she married?

    Sounds like it could be jealousy either because she is single or because she had her day long ago.

    Or not.  I don't see anything that indicates jealousy.



    SKPMgrumbledore
  • Again, thank you so much for all of your input! I actually talked to her last night and while I kept the wedding talk to a minimum, she did mention some of the things that I addressed in earlier posts. A lot of what has happened and what was causing some of the hurt feelings was just miscommunication and misunderstanding....on both sides.

    I apologized for the things that I had done, or said, that made her feel a certain way and she did the same. I told her that as much as I would love for her to be able to come out for every wedding-related excursion I know that it isn't feasible and that I'm happy just to have her there to help celebrate with me and that I'm happy to have her come with, or join in, on any wedding related excursions that she can. Thankfully we really cleared the air last night and I think now that we both opened up and made sure we were on the same page that things will be better :)

    Again, thank you all for your input and opinions. And for those wondering, yes I was serious about wearing 4 1/2 inch heels lol I'm in heels that high all day so it's not anything new and after the 10+ years I spent waiting tables/bar tending it's nothing new to my feet lol And thank you for suggesting that I try to find the dress I love (so far) in a petite size! I hadn't even thought of that :)

    I'm glad you worked it out and are both feeling better! 


    mbcscrat04
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Glad that you were able to work things out! 
    mbcscrat04
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Thank you for coming back to tell us the good news!
    mbcscrat04
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Out of interest is she married?

    Sounds like it could be jealousy either because she is single or because she had her day long ago.

    Why the fuck do other women always pull the "oh it must be jealousy" card?  Just because someone does not want to be involved in planning or is not "OMG YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED!" does not equal to them being jealous.

    This woman has three kids, has a family, I am guessing she works and has other priorities to worry about.  Her not making her friends wedding a top priority does not mean she is jealous.  It means she has a life to deal with.  I am sure she is still very happy for her friend and she can be happy for her friend without having to be fully involved in the wedding planning.

    grumbledoreSKPM
  • Again, thank you so much for all of your input! I actually talked to her last night and while I kept the wedding talk to a minimum, she did mention some of the things that I addressed in earlier posts. A lot of what has happened and what was causing some of the hurt feelings was just miscommunication and misunderstanding....on both sides.

    I apologized for the things that I had done, or said, that made her feel a certain way and she did the same. I told her that as much as I would love for her to be able to come out for every wedding-related excursion I know that it isn't feasible and that I'm happy just to have her there to help celebrate with me and that I'm happy to have her come with, or join in, on any wedding related excursions that she can. Thankfully we really cleared the air last night and I think now that we both opened up and made sure we were on the same page that things will be better :)

    Again, thank you all for your input and opinions. And for those wondering, yes I was serious about wearing 4 1/2 inch heels lol I'm in heels that high all day so it's not anything new and after the 10+ years I spent waiting tables/bar tending it's nothing new to my feet lol And thank you for suggesting that I try to find the dress I love (so far) in a petite size! I hadn't even thought of that :)


    So glad you called her and worked things out.  I would have hated to hear a friendship was lost over your wedding day.  Congrats to you all and happy planning! :)
    mbcscrat04
  • First, let me start off by saying that my MOH has been my best friend since we were 15 and we've always promised to be each other's MOH...and I love her, and her 3 children (my god-children) dearly. However....since I got engaged last month, she's been an ABSOLUTE NO SHOW! She didn't come to the bridal expo with me, my mother, and 2 of my bridesmaids. I made an appointment to look at dresses (just to get an idea) this weekend, and she said she isn't sure if she can come...to be fair, I did make the appointment less than a week ago so I can understand. But, I also made another appointment at a different boutique for a MONTH from now, told her about it so that she has enough time to look at her schedule and see if she can come (it's all of 25 minutes from our respective homes) and she said NOTHING. I went to one dress appointment by myself (to get over the initial anxiety of dress shopping lol) and sent her a picture of the dress that I LOVE...she sends back "it's cute...just hope they can take it up enough to look good" The HELL?! Yes, I am 5'1 and yes, the dress will need to be taken up, but I also plan on wearing 4 1/2 inch heels. I just feel like she could've kept that comment to herself. The other 2 bridesmaids that I sent the picture too, gushed over it and said I looked amazing. *sigh*

    Anytime I try to talk to her about all this, she just keeps saying that she's surprised how "not understanding" I'm being of her schedule and her situation with the kids. Keep in mind, I lived with her for 3 months and have helped raise ALL 3 of her children. Not only that, but I have also cancelled my own plans to help her out and have done so much to help her and the kids, that this really hurts. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I don't want to not have her in, or at, my wedding....but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell her how much this hurts me and that I feel like she doesn't want to be a part of it.

    Am I being a Bridezilla or overreacting? This has been, to be honest, the biggest stressor of everything thus far.


    Actually, that was good advice. I am short and some dresses actually can NOT be taken up. Luckily, I learned from my older sister's heartbreak over the same issues ..She was trying to save you from possibly falling in love with a dress that can't be hemmed. It's a true statement
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