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XP: invitation start time etiquette

cruffinocruffino member
First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
edited September 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
my ceremony is starting at 4 PM sharp. the church we are getting married in is very serious about starting and ending on time, as in they impose late fees. i planned to put 4 PM on the invitations. today, the wedding coordinator at the church suggested that i put 3:30 PM, so that guests will be on time. 

i'm not comfortable with this. as a guest, if i receive an invitation that says 4, i'll arrive between 3:30-3:45, assuming that it will start at 4, not that i should arrive at 4. i don't like my time wasted and i don't want to waste the time of my guests. 

i'm thinking that i'll go with my original plan of putting 4 PM, but would like your feedback. what should i do?

edited for spelling.
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Re: XP: invitation start time etiquette

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    MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I was wondering the same thing. I haven't done any "research" on this yet, so I have no idea if there is an obvious answer, but if you put "5pm" on the invite, doesn't that mean that guests should show up at 5pm? And even if all of your guests are on time, it will still take time to get everyone seated, so the ceremony probably can't start until 5:15pm at the earliest. Or does the invite make it clear that the ceremony STARTS at 5pm, and then guests should simply know to get there earlier? 
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    doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Put your ceremony start time on the invitation.  Otherwise, you are lying to your guests and everyone will be sitting there for a half hour wondering WTH is going on.
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    LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Put the time you intend in starting. It's rude to guests who plan accordingly. Since you have a coordinator, it will be up to her to hold back those stragglers to be seated quietly after the procession.

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    ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    bakerie said:
    You list the time the ceremony starts on the invitation. To list an earlier time would be rude to your guests.
    This. Put 4 and begin at 4. Most people will be there early. Those who would be late are going to be late regardless. If your coordinator or someone else at the church will be there for your wedding, ask them to hold the late people in the back or help them slip in quietly.
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    harper0813harper0813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    You think well. Go with your original plan of listing the actual start time on the invite. People generally don't arrive right at the start time - they come earlier so that they can get good seats with people they know. Our guests started arriving 30 minutes early and the only guests that were late came an hour late. So you're right - just give your guests the benefit of the doubt.
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    mrsbizzzmrsbizzz member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    I agree, put 4:00pm. Besides, you are going to start at 4:00pm whether all guests are there or not. It's not like someone typically walks through the ceremony site and does a head count and then determines it's ok to begin.

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    Pepper6Pepper6 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    My wedding started at 4, we put 4 on the invites, and every single guest was seated by 3:55 and we started promptly at 4.  Most adults know how to be punctual, don't punish your entire guest list for the assumption that someone will be late.
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    cruffinocruffino member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    yeah, definitely going to stick with 4 PM. i'm not sure why she thought it was a good idea to put it earlier. thanks all!
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    chibiyuichibiyui member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'd put something like "Ceremony to start promptly at 4" on the invite.
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    SwazzleSwazzle member
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    Ditto PPs. Put 4pm on your invitations.

    If I got an invitation that said the ceremony is to begin at 3:30, I would arrive at 3:15. And then I'd be really annoyed at having to sit there for 45 minutes. 



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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'd put something like "Ceremony to start promptly at 4" on the invite.
    The word "promptly" is not necessary. It is almost condescending to your guests. Most people know that if an invitation says 4pm they know that the ceremony is set to start at 4pm. For those that are always late to everything, the word "promptly" is not going to change that.

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    ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderfulifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful member
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    Swazzle said:
    Ditto PPs. Put 4pm on your invitations.

    If I got an invitation that said the ceremony is to begin at 3:30, I would arrive at 3:15. And then I'd be really annoyed at having to sit there for 45 minutes. 
    this exactly. people who are late will be late no matter what.

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    SewInLoveWithDMBSewInLoveWithDMB member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    Agree with all of the above - put 4 pm on your invites. 
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    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
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    orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    oh no. our wedding coordinator made the same suggestion & we followed it on our invites. :/
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    orwhatuwill said:
    oh no. our wedding coordinator made the same suggestion & we followed it on our invites. :/
    Then I suggest you move the start time of your ceremony up to whatever you have listed on your invites.

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    orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Stop being so logical lol! good call!
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    orwhatuwill said:
    Stop being so logical lol! good call!
    LOL!  I am surprised that I am still logical because with my work and my clients logic usually goes out the window.

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    Belle2188Belle2188 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Definitely go with your gut and put the actual time.  I think it's pretty rude to lie about it.

    I went to a wedding this past weekend where the invitation said 3:30 and it actually started at 4:30, and I was pretty annoyed by it.  We had to travel to get there and our flight (which was that morning) was delayed, so we panicked thinking we were going to miss the ceremony until one of the ushers told us we actually had an extra hour.  Thanks for the unnecessary stress, guys!  Granted, the invitation (which never actually made it to our house) also said "cocktail attire" on the bottom, so I'm not sure what I was expecting ;)
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    cruffinocruffino member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Belle2188 said:

    Definitely go with your gut and put the actual time.  I think it's pretty rude to lie about it.

    I went to a wedding this past weekend where the invitation said 3:30 and it actually started at 4:30, and I was pretty annoyed by it.  We had to travel to get there and our flight (which was that morning) was delayed, so we panicked thinking we were going to miss the ceremony until one of the ushers told us we actually had an extra hour.  Thanks for the unnecessary stress, guys!  Granted, the invitation (which never actually made it to our house) also said "cocktail attire" on the bottom, so I'm not sure what I was expecting ;)
    a whole hour?! I would be so pissed at that.
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    cruffino said:
    my ceremony is starting at 4 PM sharp. the church we are getting married in is very serious about starting and ending on time, as in they impose late fees. i planned to put 4 PM on the invitations. today, the wedding coordinator at the church suggested that i put 3:30 PM, so that guests will be on time. 

    i'm not comfortable with this. as a guest, if i receive an invitation that says 4, i'll arrive between 3:30-3:45, assuming that it will start at 4, not that i should arrive at 4. i don't like my time wasted and i don't want to waste the time of my guests. 

    i'm thinking that i'll go with my original plan of putting 4 PM, but would like your feedback. what should i do?

    edited for spelling.
    This. Friends of mine got married recently. The invitation and their website said the ceremony started at 4. FI and I made sure to get there between 3.30 and 3.45, which is my normal arrival window for a wedding.

    We started getting seated at 4.10. The bridesmaids came down the aisle at 4.30. Apparently, the *real* start time was 4.30, and they put an earlier time on it to make sure the groom's (notoriously late) family was there on time. 

    Meanwhile, those of us who were there for what we thought was on-time were speculating amongst ourselves which of the parties needed to be talked 'round to going through with the wedding.

    Because that's what happens when weddings don't start on time -- people wonder which one of the parties needs to be convinced to go through with it.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Yea, I think it's disrespectful to the guests.  Adults should be able to plan accordingly and get places on time.  If the invitation said 4, I would get there by 3:50 at the absolute latest.
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    syoun1njsyoun1nj member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I went to a wedding where they listed the start time as 30 min-an hour before the start time - i cant remember. The bride wanted to ensure the guests heard her sister/mother play the pre-ceremony music. Which was lovely, but we were sitting in a roasting hot church during this wondering wtf was happening. The rest of it was lovely, and I had since forgotten until this post, but it was very annoying at the time.Guest know to arrive early, and if not, you start anyway.
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    xhellokittyxhellokitty member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2013
    i'm a lurker, but this boggles my mind

    why would you punish punctual people and reward notoriously late people...
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    MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I was thinking along the lines of having a regular dinner party--you would generally invite people for a certain time, and then plan to serve food at some point after that time, correct? You wouldn't ask people to show up at 6pm, and serve dinner at 6pm. Right? Although, sometimes for holidays I guess I"m told the time the dinner will be, and then am expected to show up an hour before then. Hmmm. Not that a ceremony is a dinner.  

    I guess if I just saw a time listed I would assume that was the time I was supposed to get there, yet if it was worded like "Ceremony to begin at 6pm", then I'd definitely be there by 5:45 at the latest. 
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    orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I just looked back on our wedding website, we actually say:

    Guests are asked to arrive at 6:30pm.

    A simple wedding ceremony will be held at 7:00pm...

    I think that we did this because the venue valets all of the cars and they wanted to ensure it was spaced out enough...or something...


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    orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    ps invites say 6:30
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    SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    To me a ceremony start time has more to do with something like a concert or a sports game, then a dinner party.The only reason a ceremony should start late is if a VIP, i.e the bride, groom, MOH, BM, officient or parent of the bride/ groom etc.  are late.  If they are late, it is their own fault if they miss the event.
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