Do we need invites ?

zeldfish · September 2013

We are getting married in 64 days.

We have booked somewhere (it was available so we went with it)

It isnt a big wedding mainly because we come from massive families so even just with parents, siblings, grandparents and neices and nephews it isnt small (I'm one of 6, FH is one of 10)

We double checked the date with people and have told them all. Everyone knows, it is all written down and all that

Do we still need to give them all invites?

itzMS · September 2013

zeldfish said:

We are getting married in 64 days.
We have booked somewhere (it was available so we went with it)
It isnt a big wedding mainly because we come from massive families so even just with parents, siblings, grandparents and neices and nephews it isnt small (I'm one of 6, FH is one of 10)
We double checked the date with people and have told them all. Everyone knows, it is all written down and all that

Do we still need to give them all invites?

Not necessarily.

Don't you need to know who is coming, though, to order food and/or tell your caterer?

misshart00 · September 2013

I don't think you necessarily have to, but I would. Some people forget to write things down and some people like to have the sentimental piece. You can get some cheap ones at Michael's or Hobby Lobby. Or even order through VistaPrint.

NYCMercedes · September 2013

I always do invitations, either evites or written.

cowgirl8238 · September 2013

I personally would still do invitations. They don't have to be super fancy or anything, but you should provide people with a physical paper reminder. Plus as a PP mentioned won't you need RSVP information.

zeldfish · September 2013

itzMS said:
Don't you need to know who is coming, though, to order food and/or tell your caterer?

No we dont - they all know, everyone is comming, booked where we are having the meal after with firm numbers so dont need to tell them anything else

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I would still do invites. Invites to me make an event seem more special and, not so much formal, but more of an actual event, rather then just some random gathering of friends and family. KWIM?

Your invites don't have to be fancy or expensive. Just do something simple.

doeydo · September 2013

I would still do them.

misshart00 · September 2013

You just don't want people calling you the day of the wedding saying "now what time are we supposed to be there?" or "what's the exact address of the restaurant?" That's why an invitation is helpful.

itzMS · September 2013

zeldfish said:

itzMS said:
Don't you need to know who is coming, though, to order food and/or tell your caterer?

No we dont - they all know, everyone is comming, booked where we are having the meal after with firm numbers so dont need to tell them anything else

So you have 15 siblings (plus 15 spouses) plus let's say 10-15 additional (to count for parents/nieces nephews...)

Thats still almost 50 people to keep track of!

Of course you'll want them to have the information in writing, and their response in writing.

I'm assuming you're paying per person? So even if you're off by as little as 2-4 people, it could end up saving you $50-$100.

doeydo · September 2013

itzMS said:

zeldfish said:

itzMS said:
Don't you need to know who is coming, though, to order food and/or tell your caterer?

No we dont - they all know, everyone is comming, booked where we are having the meal after with firm numbers so dont need to tell them anything else

So you have 15 siblings (plus 15 spouses) plus let's say 10-15 additional (to count for parents/nieces nephews...)
Thats still almost 50 people to keep track of!
Of course you'll want them to have the information in writing, and their response in writing.
I'm assuming you're paying per person? So even if you're off by as little as 2-4 people, it could end up saving you $50-$100.

I agree. OP, just how many guests are you inviting?

GypsyWife_ · September 2013

I've been invited to a lot of weddings without an invitations. I don't know how they planned to have enough food and drinks though.

tammym1001 · September 2013

I would still send something. I'm one of those people though who brings the invite with me so I can make sure I have the right time and address and all of that stuff even if I know exactly where I'm going.

aurianna · September 2013

My cousin got married memorial day weekend this year at a destination wedding by a lake. It was family only and came out to less than 30 people and they didn't do invitations.

It would have been nice. I didn't know the exact time of the wedding until the day before and I never actually knew where to go. We knew the lake but not exactly where despite my asking her for the info multiple times. We were at her dad's mercy as far as finding out what was what.
I kept feeling this mild panic of not knowing where I was or where I was going or when I had to be there, even though there were people who did know.

A simple invitation with the time and address, that I was less likely to lose than the random slips of paper I jotted things down on would have made me felt more comfortable in the event I got separated from people or overslept or lost my cell phone reception or what have you.

I made my own custom invites for my SIL's baby shower and had 30 printed at Office Depot for $10, and I imagine you could get even cheaper things elsewhere.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

OP - I'd do invites. You can do super cheap ones but it might be something you'd like to hang on to.

I got invites from Michael's w/ a 40% coupon. They came blank in a box and we just printed them on our home computer. Super easy and really cheap. We probably spent about $50 (invited over 200 ppl).

allispain · September 2013

misshart00 said:

You just don't want people calling you the day of the wedding saying "now what time are we supposed to be there?" or "what's the exact address of the restaurant?" That's why an invitation is helpful.

Exactly. Invitations are a great way to make sure everyone has all of the necessary logistical information (plus lots of people like to put them on their fridge!).

emmyg65 · September 2013

I'm a paper person, so I would still do invites. They just make it feel like more of an event. You can get nice but cheap ones at Target too.

zeldfish · September 2013

Okay - I'll get on them now then. Thanks

doeydo said:
I agree. OP, just how many guests are you inviting?

It's 63 people

I'll get started on the invites

Jen4948 · September 2013

zeldfish said:

Okay - I'll get on them now then. Thanks

doeydo said:
I agree. OP, just how many guests are you inviting?

It's 63 people

I'll get started on the invites

Great!

AroundTheBlock · September 2013

Obviously, you need to invite people if you want them to come. But you know that. The big myth, however, to which you do NOT need to kow-tow, is that weddings are some mystical category of human behaviour that have their own mysterious "wedding etiquette" that requires you to do things you would not otherwise do.

If you are having a formal party, you send formal invitations. If you are following standard etiquette, then truly formal invitations will be engraved in black ink on white or ecru heavy paper-stock. If you are playing fast-and-loose with standard etiquette then you'll get away with printing or letterpress incorporating coloured inks and graphics, on coloured and/or embossed or die-cut shaped papers. But it's still more-or-less formal with more-or-less standard wording. If you are having a formal wedding, you do what you would do for any other formal party: issue formal invitations.

If you are having an informal party, then you send informal invitations. If you are following standard etiquette then these take the form of hand-written notes in natural language, informing your guests of the time and place of your party. If you are more modern or more free-spirited maybe you send emails or make phonecalls or send cute" printed cards or e-vites. And -- here is where the "wedding myth" breaks with reality -- if you are having an informal wedding you do what you would do for any other informal party: issue informal invitations just the way you would normally do it. If you normally issue invitations by phone and email, just make sure when you do so that your guests know that THAT is the invitation and not to wait for any other, and that they have all the time and date and place information.

You may be told that "wedding etiquette" requires paper invitations. There is actually no such thing as "wedding etiquette". "Etiquette" is just your normal good manners, and typically you use your highest standard of good manners for very important occasions like a wedding. But you should not adopt manners that you would never otherwise practice: that would be phony and pretensious. And pretensiousness is actually rather bad etiquette.

manateehugger · September 2013

Adopting good manners and caring for the comfort of every single guest is NEVER pretentious. How could it even be?

You make no sense, Around the Block, and you're making up your own rules.

misshart00 · September 2013

AroundTheBlock said:

Obviously, you need to invite people if you want them to come. But you know that. The big myth, however, to which you do NOT need to kow-tow, is that weddings are some mystical category of human behaviour that have their own mysterious "wedding etiquette" that requires you to do things you would not otherwise do.
If you are having a formal party, you send formal invitations. If you are following standard etiquette, then truly formal invitations will be engraved in black ink on white or ecru heavy paper-stock. If you are playing fast-and-loose with standard etiquette then you'll get away with printing or letterpress incorporating coloured inks and graphics, on coloured and/or embossed or die-cut shaped papers. But it's still more-or-less formal with more-or-less standard wording. If you are having a formal wedding, you do what you would do for any other formal party: issue formal invitations.
If you are having an informal party, then you send informal invitations. If you are following standard etiquette then these take the form of hand-written notes in natural language, informing your guests of the time and place of your party. If you are more modern or more free-spirited maybe you send emails or make phonecalls or send cute" printed cards or e-vites. And -- here is where the "wedding myth" breaks with reality -- if you are having an informal wedding you do what you would do for any other informal party: issue informal invitations just the way you would normally do it. If you normally issue invitations by phone and email, just make sure when you do so that your guests know that THAT is the invitation and not to wait for any other, and that they have all the time and date and place information.
You may be told that "wedding etiquette" requires paper invitations. There is actually no such thing as "wedding etiquette". "Etiquette" is just your normal good manners, and typically you use your highest standard of good manners for very important occasions like a wedding. But you should not adopt manners that you would never otherwise practice: that would be phony and pretensious. And pretensiousness is actually rather bad etiquette.

I don't think anyone here said that wedding etiquette requires paper invitations. We just pointed out the logistics for having them.

WildMagelet · September 2013

I'll get started on the invites

If you're wanting something budget-friendly I've seen tons of pocketfold kits in the clearance aisle of our local Wal*Mart as well as more basic invites.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

AroundTheBlock said:

Obviously, you need to invite people if you want them to come. But you know that. The big myth, however, to which you do NOT need to kow-tow, is that weddings are some mystical category of human behaviour that have their own mysterious "wedding etiquette" that requires you to do things you would not otherwise do.
If you are having a formal party, you send formal invitations. If you are following standard etiquette, then truly formal invitations will be engraved in black ink on white or ecru heavy paper-stock. If you are playing fast-and-loose with standard etiquette then you'll get away with printing or letterpress incorporating coloured inks and graphics, on coloured and/or embossed or die-cut shaped papers. But it's still more-or-less formal with more-or-less standard wording. If you are having a formal wedding, you do what you would do for any other formal party: issue formal invitations.
If you are having an informal party, then you send informal invitations. If you are following standard etiquette then these take the form of hand-written notes in natural language, informing your guests of the time and place of your party. If you are more modern or more free-spirited maybe you send emails or make phonecalls or send cute" printed cards or e-vites. And -- here is where the "wedding myth" breaks with reality -- if you are having an informal wedding you do what you would do for any other informal party: issue informal invitations just the way you would normally do it. If you normally issue invitations by phone and email, just make sure when you do so that your guests know that THAT is the invitation and not to wait for any other, and that they have all the time and date and place information.
You may be told that "wedding etiquette" requires paper invitations. There is actually no such thing as "wedding etiquette". "Etiquette" is just your normal good manners, and typically you use your highest standard of good manners for very important occasions like a wedding. But you should not adopt manners that you would never otherwise practice: that would be phony and pretensious. And pretensiousness is actually rather bad etiquette.

NYCMercedes · September 2013

@aroundtheblock, why would you use a word you can't spell, like pretentious? It's not a typo when you do it twice. You lose credibility

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