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It's a crying at my desk kind of day

When you ladies went through the transition from college to real job, did you ever have to ask who your real friends are? 

I graduated a year early from all my friends. I was an overachiever and I chose to save money and to jump feet first into the workforce. However, I still live in the area of my college and one of my roommates is still in college including being the President of our fraternity so we've had some good chats. Just now, some of my friends are coming forth and saving that not only have I been acting like because I graduated and have a job, I'm more mature then them, but that I act like a child around BF and like him and I being playful is childish and all this other stuff. At the same time, I feel like none of them want to actually take the time and seriously ask me how I'm doing or tell me about their lives. So many of the conversations end like "How are classes?" "Good." *cue crickets*. I only have a few close friends left that I feel even care about my life. They say I'm glued at BF's side, but they've never invited me out on their own. I've usually had to begin the conversation. I feel like I'm trying so much harder than they are. 

Please ladies put me in my place if I need it. I kind of need a mix of soothing and tough love.

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Re: It's a crying at my desk kind of day

  • That sucks that your friends have been judgmental. I can see both sides though...

    Have you invited your friends out with your BF?  It is a two way street.

    Also, most people only have a small circle of GOOD friends (the ones who would help you hide a body) and the rest are really acquaintances who you have fun with. 

    The transition from college to full time work can be difficult.  You miss your friends, the college lifestyle (the summer breaks) and the other fun stuff you used to do.  Sometimes it sucks being a grown up.


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  • I have invited friends out with BF a ton of times. Many times, they just blow me off and don't come. They tried to bring up Friday night's party but that night, BF and I were completely separate. He didn't even know how drunk I was because he barely saw me because he was hanging out with other people. 

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  • minskat30minskat30 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    That sucks @Kait.  This could be unfounded on their part entirely but usually when my friends bitch at me for being absent, there is a layer of truth to it.  How much time are you spending with your friends vs job vs BF?  Your friends may be feeling a little insecure because you graduated early and are out in the job force...they may be struggling with how to relate to that...so give them some time and make the extra effort to continue to ask them about their lives.  What kind of stuff are you doing that your friends are calling childish?  H and I kid around and are silly all the time but, honestly, usually tone it down in front of others.  That is just us though.
  • I usually split my time with weekends are BF/friends time (combined usually), week days are work days and weekday nights I'll make plans with my friends. Like I have a weekly girls night on Thursday night with my best friend. 

    BF suggested too that it may be that they're scared where they'll be post graduation. Since I have a job, degree, car, apartment and BF that I may be a reminder of what's to come sooner than they'd like?

    They claim that poking each other once in awhile and stuff is childish.

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  • @kait, I'm sorry :( Growing up sucks sometimes and as PP have stated, this is about the time when people start drifting apart. Your friends could be nervous about leaving school and getting jobs,worried about their relationship or futures in general and taking it out on you. It sucks but its all part of growing up. Don't let it get you too down. Once everyone's back on the 'same page' things have a way of settling down. 



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  • @kait, I experienced some of what you're describing, but it was when I had Bean 11 yrs ago. I think it tends to happen when one friend goes through a life changing event ahead of, or at a different time than the larger group of friends.

    Like @minskat30 said, it could be totally unfounded, but there is possibly a layer of truth. Take time to really think about the things you might be saying, or the way in which you might be talking to them. I'm not saying that you ARE, but be sure that you're not saying things along the line of "Oh, you don't know how easy you guys have it now!" or, "Just wait until you're in the real world like me." KWIM? Again, not saying that you actually are saying these things, but I know I've been guilty of doing it without realizing. It may make them feel like you think you know everything and they know nothing.

    Also, I would suggest possibly scheduling friend time seperate from boyfriend if possible. I know you said something about a girls night that you do with your BFF,  but is your larger group of friends pretty close knit? Is BF a newbie to said group? They might be feeling the 'outsider intrusion' if he is. Try to ease him in and when you are out as a whole group, be sure you're spending ample time talking to your friends and not spending all your time googoo eyeing your BF. That'll make that 'outsider' feeling even more prominent.

    I hope all of my ramblings make sense. I'm sorry if they don't. I'm a little scatter brained as of late. :)

    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









  • Thanks @beanbot2002. That actually made a lot of sense.

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  • Hooray! Someone understood my ramblings!
    "Stuart was scared, but he loved Margalo, Mommy. And there is nothing bigger than love." -The Bean
     "His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa









  • I have been going through the same thing.. My college roommate of 4 years and who I claimed to be one of my BEST friends in my life and truly believed she would be there for me for my future wedding and kids etc.. just one day stopped talking to me.. I was dating my BF for about 8 months at the time.. I met him after I graduated and we hit it off right away and she cried to me once about how she hopes he doesnt replace her.. I told her that I will always make time for my friends and him.. and I did.. she got a job in Philly and was leaving NY shortly after she accepted and during that time by 16 year old cousin who was battiling cancer passed away.. then a week after that my BF's uncle passed away.. we spent 2 weeks straight at a funeral home and cemertaries.. I had no time to go out drinking and partying nor would I ever do that after such a rough 2 weeks.. I called her she never answered.. I texted her offering to take her out to lunch and pinkberry because that was our thing and she never wrote me back.. I thought "oh okay she is busy moving etc I am sure she will eventually get back to me we have gone weeks without talking just because we have been so busy..." but months have gone by and I haven't heard a word from her.. she has been hanging out with people that she swore she hates.. she has talked to my best friend from 6th grade behind my back how she hates my relationship and how "In love i am with him.." I couldnt believe it It truly hurt me.. and now I refuse to ever speak to her.. there is so much in my life she has missed out.. like how I FINALLY got a job about a broken ankle after graduation and just the work force being really sucky.. We actually moved in together and moved 5 hours home to Virginia I finally got my own apartment with my love and I am finally in a place in my life where I am happy and excited to tell people... but all in all people SUCK and as long as you are happy with your SO that is all that matters... I have realized it is the person you fall asleep with at night that is supposed to make you the happiest.. everyone roots for you to fail in life and as long as you realize that there will be good days and bad days with you BF you will forever be happy!

     

    dont fret over your friends.. if they arent truly happy for you then they arent your friends.. trust me :)

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