Are you not having a shower just b/c ur doing a DW?

Sara191431 · August 2010

Another post got me thinking about it. I guess the thought never crossed my mind that just cause we are having a destination wedding we then shouldn't have a shower. I've attended countless showers in my last 10 years, I'm 30, so I just automatically thought I'd have a shower like everyone else did. One person said that they weren't because all the people that would came to the shower wouldn't be attending the wedding. I'm sure everyone invited to the shower will more than likely be invited to the wedding, granted I'm sure a lot won't end up attending the wedding though.

So back to my question, will someone be throwing you a shower or no?

amandajean36 · August 2010

my FMIL and my aunt both offered to throw me a shower. i turned both down. mainly because when my FMIL throws showers, they're huge productions and she invites like 70 women - no lie - and i would know maybe 10 of them. normally, this isn't a concern because both of her other kids have had giant weddings (over 300 guests). my problem is that i *know* someone would get invited to the shower that isn't invited to the wedding...so i told her "no thanks".

as for my aunt, she'd just have a few of us (my family is really small), and i'd rather just host a girls lunch or something in Vegas...so people only have to travel one time (she lives about 4 hours from any of my other relatives or friends, and i'd have to fly from DC to MI for the shower --- just not feasible).

i don't think as a general rule you shouldn't have a shower because you're having a DW. i just think alot more attention needs to be paid to the guest list, and whoever gets invited to the shower needs to be invited to the wedding (i.e. if your host invites your 3rd cousin Mary, she now needs an invite to the wedding even if she wasn't on your list before)

j_jaye · August 2010

I have been told by my MOH that she will be throwing a shower for me at home before the wedding and the girls that I play a team sport with were outraged that I was not having a Hen's (bachelorette) party at home even though most will not be invited to the wedding and they are aware of that. So one of the girls on the team who is invited to the wedding (BM's girlfriend) has already told my MOH and my sister that the three of them will need to organise one at home as well as one in vegas!
I think I will be spoiled because I am sure my work will throw one too (just the type of people who like to do things for others).
I don't think you actually have a say whether or not someone offers to throw you a pre-wedding party but you can politely decline the offer. Especially if you feel uncomfortable.

1DestinationBride · August 2010

FMIL lives in a different state than me and FI....she's actually throwing me a shower when we visit her before the wedding, then my sister is throwing me a shower for our in-state friends/family.

kdj2011 · August 2010

My sisters are both my MOH and they are planning to throw a shower and a bachelorette party both here at home probably around a month before the wedding. We are inviting everyone to the wedding that would have been invited any way and those that can make it, great and those that can't, that's cool too. Plus all my family is local, in my hometown, so they won't really be traveling to both events.

thefuturemrsrumley · August 2010

I didn't want a shower for this reason. But, my wedding party insisted. We all live in different states, me being in Texas. We did a shower weekend (to make the trip worth it) with our Mom's, Grandmas, and my bridesmaids and MOH only. We all stayed in a hotel downtown and did fun things each of the three days. We did it about 7 months before the wedding since all the girls would be travellilng again for that. It was so fun and I'm so glad we did it. Pics in bio.

wenawinter · August 2010

I know I am having a shower. The only people invited are the people that were invited to the wedding. It's not huge, I think including me & the bridal party 40 were invited, and I'm sure many won't go, which is fine. I didn't really want one, just because we are both older and I don't need very much, but the girls insisted I have one.
I too am sure my work will throw me a shower too, as that is just what we do when someone gets married.

Sloane99 · August 2010

I didn't have a shower either, most of our guests don't live in my hometown so I thought it would be a bit much to have a big shower with a bunch of people that we didn't invite to the wedding. I did go for a nice dinner out with our Moms and my BMs though which was just perfect for us and given that I don't love showers at the best of times, I thought this was a great idea.

Olivea12 · August 2010

I didn't want a shower because my wedding guest list was so small and also didn't want gifts from people. I would never invite people to a shower who weren;t invited to the wedding.

My sisters threw me a surpirse shower anyway though, but there was only 6 of us there. It was more like a bridal lunch with a few gifts.

If someone offers to throw you a shower and you want to accept, than go for it!

MVJP10 · August 2010

I agree, if it is offered you should accept as long as the same guests that are invited to the shower are invited to the wedding. Even if they cannot attend the wedding, as long as the invitation is extended I don't think it's a faux paus.

I'm in the camp that you don't have to give up things just because you are having a DW. I'm actually having 2 bach parties and so is my fi - one in our home town with people that can't make the wedding and one in Vegas with the people that can. One of my friends is going to both of mine and his brothers are going to both of his. We're having dinner, drinks, and dancing and the Vegas one may just involve drinking lol.

stinkerbell6879 · August 2010

Ditto everyone else about the small guest list and not wanting to invite people who were not invited to the wedding. I only had a work shower and they were all invited to the wedding. I think in general showers thrown by work or your church group, etc... are the exception to the "must be invited to the wedding" rule.

tlbattaglia · August 2010

My MOH is having a shower and bach party for me about a month before the wedding. Even though it's a DW, I still wanted one.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

I didn't do a shower or a bachelorette. Only four of our female guests live locally to me, so the only way to pull that off was to require everyone to spend a lot longer in Vegas than necessary. Plus, my sister did her shower the day before her wedding for pretty much the same reasons, and it was super stressful. I didn't want to have to deal with it.

bcschuman · August 2010

Being that this is so far out... there really has not been a discussion on it. I know several people who have done destination weddings and had showers... several actually. I would imagine I will have a couple because that is how family does things and my sister-in-law was thrown one from us and she got married out of state.

SunnyCanadian · August 2010

i was lucky and blessed to have two bridal showers, one thrown by my friends and family, and the other by my coworkers.

DH and I also had bachelor/bachelorette parties both here at home AND in Vegas, again planned by our friends and family.

I really don't agree with the idea that just cuz you're having a DW, you don't get to have a shower and bachelor/ette parties. As long as your not demanding them to happen lol!

fizzycolors · August 2010

I wasn't planning on having a shower and declined my FMIL's offer to have one because we wouldn't be able to invite any extra people to the wedding (very small, 10 people max allowed at our ceremony). However, the girls at work are throwing me a little something and I'm super excited about it. Only a few of the people who are going are invited to the wedding and originally I didn't want to have the shower for that reason, but everyone wants to celebrate anyways.

solbej · August 2010

I am having a shower and a bachelorette party also. The shower is friends, family, and co-workers. Our Vegas wedding is very intimate only family (less than 10 people), but we are having a reception at home which we will play the wedding video and invite all of our friends and family to. In my case, people were more offended when I initially turned these things down.

Sara191431 · August 2010

Thanks for all the input ladies! My MOH and mom want to throw me a shower, and I just wanted to make sure this wasn't something I was supossed to turn down. So yay, good to go!

Are you not having a shower just b/c ur doing a DW?

Re: Are you not having a shower just b/c ur doing a DW?

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