Gift giving- cultural differences?

Re: Gift giving- cultural differences?

• GypsyWife_ member

  

  October 2013

  Just be happy with what you got. I don't see getting 100-250$ for a gift as a cultural difference.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2013

  I think you should give what you either always give or what you feel comfortable giving according to your personal budget.  Do not use culture or how much you were given to decide what you should gift someone.  Do what you always do.

  
  

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• doeydo member

  

  October 2013

  Italians typically get big/money gifts for weddings.  Btw, this is not a racist statement.  My mother married into an Italian family and my half sisters are half Italian.

  
  

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• mommapizano member

  

  October 2013

  I would say give what you can afford and what you would normally do. Just as you say you are happy with all the gifts you received, this couple should/will be happy with what they get as well. 

  
  

  I am not sure about gift giving cultural differences but ultimately, even if there is some sort of cultural difference, I would go with what you normally give. 

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• JeeGooDowster member

  

  October 2013

  @eileenrob i sent you a private message

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  October 2013

  I doubt Hispanics as a whole have a generally accepted dollar gift for weddings. Just like Anglos don't. How about for weddings on your side, you decide, and for weddings on his side, he does.

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• WonderRed member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  "Hispanics" cover a huge range of different cultures ranging from Argentina to Uruguay, to Colombia, to Central America, to Mexico, to Puerto Rico, to Spain, and beyond.   They all have different cultures, traditions and customs.  Just like Caucasians in the US South, Caucasians in New England, Caucasians in Denmark, Caucasians in Croatia, and Caucasians in South Africa all do things differently.
  

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• NYCBruin member

  

  October 2013

  Maggie0829 said:

  I think you should give what you either always give or what you feel comfortable giving according to your personal budget.  Do not use culture or how much you were given to decide what you should gift someone.  Do what you always do.

  This.  I don't think this is a "cultural" difference so much as an individual family difference.  Give what you feel comfortable giving.  To me that amount depends on how close I am to the couple and what is within our budget at the time.

  Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!

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• Belle2188 member

  

  October 2013

  I think it's more like the Italians/Irish that have the cultural difference than the other way around.  We like to give big wads of cash or large checks at weddings and special events  Coming from a large Italian family myself, it's definitely easy to get used to that (let's be realistic here...who doesn't like large cash gifts?), but it's important not to expect it from everyone when it's not really customary for most people and it's definitely not required.  You should give your SIL whatever you want and can afford to give her.  Don't worry so much about what everyone else will give.

  

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• Xstatic3333 member

  

  October 2013

  Hmmm, I'd be less tempted to think its a cultural difference than that your family just likes to go big. I'm from a pretty expensive area, and those numbers seem quite high to me. It's very generous! Kudos to you for being gracious about all of your gifts.

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• cruffino member

  

  October 2013

  eileenrob said:

  Hi!  I'm Irish/Italian and my husband is Salvadoran/Dominican, and we had a wonderful wedding surrounded by all of our family members.  We were thrilled and touched to receive gifts from most of them.  It was hard not to notice a difference in gift amounts: my parents, aunts and uncles, and older, married cousins gave around $500 per couple, (some in $1,000-$5,000 range), and my younger, single cousins (college-aged, early 20s..) gave $150-250, which is what I used to give as a single, younger wedding guest.  Hubby's family members (our age and the older generation) gave $150-250 per couple, and his cousins in their 20's gave us nothing, not even a card, maybe assuming that because their parents gave a gift they didn't have to?  I don't mind the difference, I truly consider any gift to be heartfelt and generous, but I'm wondering what Hispanics' general gift-giving etiquette is- hubby said he doesn't know.  We are attending the wedding of one of his step-sisters next month, and I'd rather fit in and go with the crowd- should we give what we received from most of his family members, even though it's lower than what'd I give one of my own siblings?  I don't like the idea of conforming but I also don't want everyone thinking we're high-rollers (which, unfortunately, we aren't!).  As it is, my father-in-law occasionally slips his daughters and step-daughters money, but not my husband, saying sons don't need financial help. Is anyone able to enlighten me on what the norm may be in Salvadoran or Dominican culture?

  (FYI, all of our family members on both sides are professionals with good jobs, roughly the same socioeconomic class and education level.  And we all live in NYC or Long Island, in case anyone was wondering the region..)

  I'm a NYC Italian too, and what you described is the norm in my family. I can't speak to other cultures, but I know that when I attended the wedding of my friend who is from Alabama, she told me that my gift was too generous (not in a negative way, just in a surprised way). So I'm not sure if it's regional or cultural, but probably both.
  

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• melbelleup member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  eileenrob said:

  Hi!  I'm Irish/Italian and my husband is Salvadoran/Dominican, and we had a wonderful wedding surrounded by all of our family members.  We were thrilled and touched to receive gifts from most of them.  It was hard not to notice a difference in gift amounts: my parents, aunts and uncles, and older, married cousins gave around $500 per couple, (some in $1,000-$5,000 range), and my younger, single cousins (college-aged, early 20s..) gave $150-250, which is what I used to give as a single, younger wedding guest.  Hubby's family members (our age and the older generation) gave $150-250 per couple, and his cousins in their 20's gave us nothing, not even a card, maybe assuming that because their parents gave a gift they didn't have to?  I don't mind the difference, I truly consider any gift to be heartfelt and generous, but I'm wondering what Hispanics' general gift-giving etiquette is- hubby said he doesn't know.  We are attending the wedding of one of his step-sisters next month, and I'd rather fit in and go with the crowd- should we give what we received from most of his family members, even though it's lower than what'd I give one of my own siblings?  I don't like the idea of conforming but I also don't want everyone thinking we're high-rollers (which, unfortunately, we aren't!).  As it is, my father-in-law occasionally slips his daughters and step-daughters money, but not my husband, saying sons don't need financial help. Is anyone able to enlighten me on what the norm may be in Salvadoran or Dominican culture?

  (FYI, all of our family members on both sides are professionals with good jobs, roughly the same socioeconomic class and education level.  And we all live in NYC or Long Island, in case anyone was wondering the region..)

  Heck. Be happy you got what you did. For me, I give $50 (in gifts) for weddings and bridal showers. That included my FI and me. It may not seem right, but it is what I can afford. My one friend is getting married this weekend and although I didn't attend either her shower or wedding I gave her $100 worth of plates (only paid $50 though because it was a buy one get one deal at macy's). Needless to say, she didn't pay for anything for me other than invites and stamps. I love her, she's helped me a lot with planning my wedding, therefore I wanted to get her something big. My brother's wedding is right after my wedding and I'll most likely spend $100-$150 on their gifts total. My friend's is right before my wedding and she's in mine, I will most likely spend $50 on her and I'm not attending her wedding. Honestly, it depends on what they can afford. We all know weddings are expensive (mine is $48 per person). But I don't expect money or a gift from anyone. If they give me something, that's awesome. If not, oh well. I pay for gifts on my side and my FI pays for gifts on his side. We do this for christmas, birthdays and weddings. It works.
  
  ETA: prices and gifts given very much change based on economy and where you live.  Also, give what you want to give your SIL, not what others give.
  

  

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• ei34 member

  

  October 2013

  Thanks everyone for your thoughtful insight!  I think I'm just going to stick to what I'd give one of my siblings, regardless of my SIL and her fam thinking it's too high.  You can't go wrong being true to yourself.  Thanks again!

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  October 2013

  Schatzi13 said:

  STARMOON44 said:

  I doubt Hispanics as a whole have a generally accepted dollar gift for weddings. Just like Anglos don't. How about for weddings on your side, you decide, and for weddings on his side, he does.

  
  

  I imagine there are regional, familial, and ethnic factors in play here, as well as individual budgets. The bolded suggestion is the easiest. (It's also what H and I do.)

  
  Glad you made a decision.  I know my family is more conservative with gifts while my FI's will spend three to four times more!  Both families are from long Island NY, and we all (mostly) live within two counties.  I don't think the difference is cultural, as much as it is familial and (somewhat) regional.

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