Registry and Gift Forum
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non-guests asking about registry

Our wedding is coming up in a few weeks! It is very small and we are not inviting a lot of our more casual friends, work colleagues, and extended family. We don't bring up our wedding around these people, but many of them know that we are getting married soon and they bring it up regularly in conversation ("Sooo, how is wedding planning going?"). Usually I just give them a little update on something ("I have a dress now!" or "It is going to be outside so I hope this rain goes away!") and then change the subject.

Recently, however, several of these people have asked where we are registered. Is it rude to just tell them and then change the subject, as is my habit these days when non-guests bring up wedding-y things? But they are essentially saying "I want to buy you a gift even though I am not invited!" and that is so incredibly nice and generous (and something I would never do, b/c I am not that nice) that I don't know what to say. (They could just be making conversation, but at least one co-worker has already bought me something off of the registry). I know this is a non-issue, in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel guilty and awkward  :/

Anybody else have this sort of thing come up? What did you say when people who weren't invited to your wedding asked about your registry?

Re: non-guests asking about registry

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    rvg22 said:
    Our wedding is coming up in a few weeks! It is very small and we are not inviting a lot of our more casual friends, work colleagues, and extended family. We don't bring up our wedding around these people, but many of them know that we are getting married soon and they bring it up regularly in conversation ("Sooo, how is wedding planning going?"). Usually I just give them a little update on something ("I have a dress now!" or "It is going to be outside so I hope this rain goes away!") and then change the subject.

    Recently, however, several of these people have asked where we are registered. Is it rude to just tell them and then change the subject, as is my habit these days when non-guests bring up wedding-y things? But they are essentially saying "I want to buy you a gift even though I am not invited!" and that is so incredibly nice and generous (and something I would never do, b/c I am not that nice) that I don't know what to say. (They could just be making conversation, but at least one co-worker has already bought me something off of the registry). I know this is a non-issue, in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel guilty and awkward  :/

    Anybody else have this sort of thing come up? What did you say when people who weren't invited to your wedding asked about your registry?


    Ughh. They shouldn't be asking in the first place. With the help of our little friend Mr. Google, it's incredibly easy to find out where a couple is registered without asking them.

    Anyways. It's fine to answer them. "FI and I have registries at Macy's and Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Have you tried the bean dip?"

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    I would just answer with where you are registered at and change the subject.  Do they know that you are having a small wedding and that they are not invited? 
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    doeydo said:
    I would just answer with where you are registered at and change the subject.  Do they know that you are having a small wedding and that they are not invited
    Almost definitely yes.  I have mentioned to pretty much anyone who brings up my wedding that it is very small, "not able to invite everyone we would have liked", etc.

    And yeah, I have never asked any bride/groom about their registry ever, it is so easy to find online!


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    Very timely post...we are going through the same thing (20 people invited, DW wedding, etc). We have been asked this A LOT but have not registered yet so I've been able to answer with that, but I wasn't sure how to respond. (And like @rvg22 all of these people know the wedding situation/that they are not invited) 
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    We got asked that a lot, and while it is awkward, they still asked so I let it go and told them-- In our situation,  we are small business owners so a lot of customers would ask us all the time.  Some of them actually sent a gift too, so if that happened I sent one of our thank you cards and when I see them at the shop I show them some wedding pictures.  At first I totally would change the subject but people would keep asking and say they wanted to get us something, I figured it was better to get something from the registry rather than a completely random gift.  We had customers who even after the wedding, would see we just got married and even they got us gifts.  Sometimes its people just making small talk as well, so even if they ask about it do not assume they will buy you something, but if they do follow up with a thank you!
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