Hey ladies, I need some advice on how to handle a situation with my roommate in the least rude way possible. Cliff notes version: my roommate is up my ass and I don't know how to politely tell her to back off.
I just moved into a new apartment on Sept 1st. After my horrific former living situation I thought this would be ideal, as we're both two independent young women who are pretty much on our own in the world and we would get each other. I told her before I moved in, all I was looking for was a clean, safe place to live, a kitchen I can cook up a storm in, and it's ok if my SO comes over occasionally. All systems go, it seemed at first.
She split up almost a year ago from her SO of 6 years (she's been very down about it, understandably) so it makes sense that she was probably hoping for not just a roommate but also a friend. As soon as I move in, she swarms me. I work across the street from where we live, and every night that I close at work, she comes over for the last 1.5-2 hours that I'm there and SITS THERE until I get done working. When I come home and try to make dinner, she stands over my shoulder and tells me "Don't use too much spice! Don't put that in! Why are you cooking like this? Do it this way!" At one point I walked away from the stove and said "Ok you just do it then." She thought I was joking and told me to finish...but somehow she ended up at the stove finishing anyway. I tried to explain to her that if I could cook professionally I would, I love cooking that much, I've been cooking for over half my life so it really bothers me when someone stands over my shoulder and dictates to me how to cook. She didn't seem to care, or must've thought I was joking again.
She is also extremely critical of EVERYTHING. Why do I use extra virgin olive oil to cook, don't I know it has cholesterol? Why do I eat at Panera, don't I know it's one of the worst places you can eat? Why do I drink 1% milk, don't I know organic whole milk is a million times better? Why did I buy a 4-cyl car, don't I know that because the engine is smaller and it has to work harder thus being WORSE on gas? Some of the shit she says is just ridiculous, and to question whether or not I know that OIL contains CHOLESTEROL is insulting beyond reason.
I believe that she is 1. happy to have a friend in her life since her breakup, because she doesn't really have anyone else in the area to spend time with beside her ex's family (which she still does) and 2. happy to have someone back in her life that she can control. I JUST left a situation of living with someone who was like this and I didn't realize before I moved in that she would be, too. I pay every month to rent where I live, I didn't sign up for Rent-A-Friend and quite frankly I'm not interested in spending THAT much time with someone I just met a month and a half ago. I'm far from an introvert but I'm more comfortable keeping to myself after a long day at work. I spend 8+ hours a day socializing with people for my job, when I come home I don't want to be forced into doing it even more (which I explained to her, multiple times, to which she says things like "Oh please, you don't have to be at work until noon tomorrow, you can stay up and hang out with me!" or "Oh come on, I'm not asking you to spoon-feed me, just eat with me!" <- she said that when I started to go upstairs to my room to get my laptop charger. She didn't even care WHY I was walking out of the kitchen, she just started whining.)
My SO says to give her a break, she's obviously very lonely since her breakup and she's probably very excited to have a friend in her life. I get that she's lonely, and I get that she must like having another woman to live with since her last roommate was a guy she wasn't exactly friendly with, but why does that have to be my problem? Why do I have to babysit her when I come home from work when all I want to do is crash in bed? I know I can tell her that I'm not allowed to have anyone in the place when I'm closing at work, but how do I communicate to her that when I'm home, sometimes I just want to be left alone? Morning coffee doesn't need to be a group project. Dinner doesn't even need to be a group project. I don't want to hear comments like "Ohhh, fine, I'll just sit here ALL BY MYSELF THEN!" from a 30-something year old woman when I tell her that I'm just going to go lay down and call it an early night. We both have off on Mondays and she seems to think we must spend them TOGETHER. Before this continues and I lose my sanity after a year, I need to figure out how to address this.
ETA: please also tell me if I'm just being a raging bitch. I really might not realize it because I feel so suffocated that all I can focus on is how to regain some of my own comfort. If I'm way off-base, I want to know