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Chit Chat

Aisle Escorts/Giving Away?

So, a little bit of background: my parents divorced when I was in college (it shot my grades to hell and I ended up flunking out, but that's another story for another time). My dad remarried a little while later, and while I get on with my stepmom just fine, I don't recognize her as my parent in anyway - I was an adult when she married my father, my mother's still alive, I don't "need" another mother. We're more like friends than anything else, which is not surprising because she's closer in age to me than she is to my dad.

My dad was an absent parent. He traveled a lot for work, and so I didn't get to see him very often as a kid. He just wasn't a big part of my childhood. He missed 6 of my birthdays in a row, but was always home (canceled trips etc) for my sister, which hurt, as you can imagine. As an adult, I've made the effort to become closer to him (and he's done the same), but we're still not exactly close.

Unrelated to our closeness issue, he's not contributing to the wedding.

My mom raised me pretty much single-handedly, got me through a lot of drama. She picked me up, dusted me off, and set me on the right path again whenever I strayed. She's visited me every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, every time I've been in hospital, despite the hospital being far from home and visiting hours clashing with work hours. I HATED my mom growing up, because she was always there - sometimes too much there. At 27, I realise all the sacrifices she made in her own life to make mine better. She's more than just my mom, she's my best friend. And she is contributing to the wedding - far more than I would ever have asked.

The thing is, now I've got to think about who's going to escort me down the aisle. I would rather just walk by myself, but I know some ladies on here have said that they felt they needed the support/felt like they were going to fall walking by themselves.

I hate hate HATE the idea that someone from my family is "giving" me to FI, like I'm an object. I spoke to my mom about it and she said "Why don't you look at it like we're approving/blessing the marriage?" I think that may be even worse. Maybe I'm just being difficult.

Then she suggested that both she and my dad walk with me, just as an escort, nothing more. I'm honestly not thrilled about it, but I don't want to hurt or offend my parents.

So ladies, what would/did you do?
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Re: Aisle Escorts/Giving Away?

  • You can choose who you want to walk with.  I did walk with my dad.  This is something that you need to choose yourself.  You can also walk in with your FI.  And don't think of it as "giving" you away, all they are doing is escorting you down the aisle to the front where the wedding takes place.  I feel it's more of a "giving away" when the officiant asks "who presents this bride?" than being walked down the aisle.
  • You can choose who you want to walk with.  I did walk with my dad.  This is something that you need to choose yourself.  You can also walk in with your FI.  And don't think of it as "giving" you away, all they are doing is escorting you down the aisle to the front where the wedding takes place.  I feel it's more of a "giving away" when the officiant asks "who presents this bride?" than being walked down the aisle.
    Thanks for the reply. I'm just really conflicted and I guess I needed reassurance that it's okay to not have an escort, or to have a non-traditional escort...? I spoke to my mom about the possibility of walking together with FI, and she said she wasn't crazy about the idea. But that's not the final word on it or anything. I have a lot more to consider.

    And yes, I agree about the "who presents this woman" thing - SO not having that in my ceremony!
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  • It's perfectly fine to walk down the aisle by yourself. If you don't feel comfortable any other way, this is how I'd do it.
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  • I think you should choose and not be influenced by your parents. If you want to walk by yourself, then that is what you should do.

    There isnt a right or proper way to do this. It is whatever feels right to you.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm walking myself. Nobody is presenting me or giving me away.  If that's what you'd prefer, go for it.
  • It's just an escort down the aisle.

    I walked with my mom and stepdad (same situation as you...he's not my "father". Married my mom when I was an adult). My bio dad is deceased.

    I would have preferred just my mom, but it was easier to just have both of them to avoid hurt feelings. Life is short.

    Up to you.

  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited October 2013

    I was in a very similar position to you, but for different reasons.  I am still not close to my dad.

    I had one of my brothers escort me.  Do what's best for you - alone, mom, dad, FI.  Don't give in to the pressures of tradition or family.

     

  • I am walking by myself. I walk upright without falling everyday (well not everyday... sometimes the wall just jumps out at me!) why would that day be any different.

    I have a feeling that my Dad isn't going to be thrilled about it and may not come to my wedding because of it but I don't care, if he doesn't come that his issue not mine.

    Do what you want to do! If that means walking alone, with a friend or with you FI (I have seen it done before) then so be it. This is one of the most important walks you will take, and if you'r not happy that's no good..... God I can't belive I am going to say this... but It's your day, Enjoy it!

  • How do you picture yourself walking down the aisle? By yourself? With your mom?

    Either way is perfectly fine if it will make you feel comfortable in the moment. Think about how you will feel during the actual walk down the aisle, and not about what anyone will say before or after.



    Anniversary
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  • Thanks ladies. I'm still not 100% sure what I want to do, but I have a feeling I will be soon!
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  • Late to the post, but want to offer this.  We attended a wedding recently where the bride was escorted by her dad.  The officiant asked "Who gives this woman, etc." and her dad said, "With our blessing, Bride gives herself to Groom, to be married".  I thought it was a nice twist in wording that expressed her parents blessing, but that it was ultimately the bride's decision.
  • gailpete said:
    Late to the post, but want to offer this.  We attended a wedding recently where the bride was escorted by her dad.  The officiant asked "Who gives this woman, etc." and her dad said, "With our blessing, Bride gives herself to Groom, to be married".  I thought it was a nice twist in wording that expressed her parents blessing, but that it was ultimately the bride's decision.
    That's actually really nice. I'll definitely keep that in "the file".
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