rehearsal dinner guest list

justcallmesamson · September 2013

(My fiance has a very large family + our wedding party + out of town guests) means that our rehearsal dinner is getting out of control. What are the rules on inviting family to the rehearsal dinner? Can we chop some of the cousins from the list?

manateehugger · September 2013

The only rule on rehearsal dinner is that you must invite anyone who you ask to attend the rehearsal (i.e. wedding party, officiant, family, etc.) AND the significant others of those people.

It is a nice gesture, but not required, to invite out of town guests.

JoanE2012 · September 2013

PDKH said:

The only rule on rehearsal dinner is that you must invite anyone who you ask to attend the rehearsal (i.e. wedding party, officiant, family, etc.) AND the significant others of those people.

It is a nice gesture, but not required, to invite out of town guests.

Spot on advice.

harper0813 · September 2013

You are absolutely okay to cut non-WP members (and their SOs) from the list. Extended family members are not required rehearsal dinner guests. I can imagine it's adding up quickly for you.

Oh and what @PDKH said. She's a genius.

manateehugger · September 2013

zobird said:

You are absolutely okay to cut non-WP members (and their SOs) from the list. Extended family members are not required rehearsal dinner guests. I can imagine it's adding up quickly for you.

Oh and what @PDKH said. She's a genius.

Who, me????

You da bestest.

KeptInStitches · September 2013

Spot on, @PDKH.

doeydo · September 2013

Invite everyone involved in the ceremony as well as their significant others. The rest is optional.

Jen4948 · September 2013

What @PDKH said. The couple, wedding party, immediate family, officiant, and SOs of each of those persons all need to be invited, but nobody else does.

justcallmesamson · October 2013

Sigh. I know you all are right, but I feel like my aunts (mom's sisters) are going to be disappointed. I guess I'll just have to explain to them that we're only having the wedding party and immediate family. Thanks!

mommapizano · October 2013

Unless you are in the position to host a welcome type dinner including all out of town guests, I would just keep it to your parents, bridal party and their SOs and officiant.

I feel the same was as you, I am having an OOT wedding and I feel bad not inviting everyone who will be there the night before but our budget can't cover it.

davisse3 · October 2013

Could you meet up with other family and out of town guests after the rehearsal? After our rehearsal, we met a lot of friends and family at a bar. It wasn't hosted - we just went to a bar and let people know we were there if they wanted to come by.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Ditto @PDKH. Also, it doesn't have to be a "dinner." We're having a rehearsal lunch, because our musicians are all unavailable during the normal dinner time to have a rehearsal and then have a rehearsal dinner. So, we're having a rehearsal lunch, which is substantially cheaper than a dinner.

(Also, it helps that most of the WP isn't coming to the rehearsal at all, but that's another thread topic.)

ETA: We chose to have a rehearsal lunch AFTER two BMs, and the GM who's the father of the RB said they weren't coming. Once half the WP wasn't planning in coming at all, we figured we might as well make it convenient for the half that was.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Ditto @PDKH. Also, it doesn't have to be a "dinner." We're having a rehearsal lunch, because our musicians are all unavailable during the normal dinner time to have a rehearsal and then have a rehearsal dinner. So, we're having a rehearsal lunch, which is substantially cheaper than a dinner.

(Also, it helps that most of the WP isn't coming to the rehearsal at all, but that's another thread topic.)

I would think that it would be difficult for the WP/SOs to attend a rehearsal lunch. Of course, my rehearsal doesn't need anyone but me and FI, so our 4:15 Wednesday rehearsal (the latest option available) will be sparse.

StephJean83 · October 2013

I've never seen or been to a rehearsal dinner with anyone more than WP, parents, grandparents and non WP siblings(and SOs). I would cut anyone not directly related to the WP. My wedding will be OOT for ALL guests, including FH and I (not a DW just different area of our home state) and inviting anyone outside of the WP would result in two reception basically! Keep that thought in mind when inviting.

OP, is it tradition in your family to include extended family? If it is, that might play a role in if I'd extend an invite to aunts and uncles only, with the WP, parents, grandparents and siblings.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Ditto @PDKH. Also, it doesn't have to be a "dinner." We're having a rehearsal lunch, because our musicians are all unavailable during the normal dinner time to have a rehearsal and then have a rehearsal dinner. So, we're having a rehearsal lunch, which is substantially cheaper than a dinner.

(Also, it helps that most of the WP isn't coming to the rehearsal at all, but that's another thread topic.)

I would think that it would be difficult for the WP/SOs to attend a rehearsal lunch. Of course, my rehearsal doesn't need anyone but me and FI, so our 4:15 Wednesday rehearsal (the latest option available) will be sparse.

We're getting married on a Sunday, so the rehearsal lunch is on Saturday. The WP isn't attending because FI's brother 'has better shit to do,' so he and his son (the RB) aren't coming; one of my BMs is going to a book festival, the other BM doesn't want to come, etc.

One GM, the BM, the MOH (my SIL), and my nephew the RB are all coming. All anyone has to do is walk down an aisle, so I'm not thinking they need a whole lot of practice.

MandyMost · October 2013

As an OOT guest, I've been to

1) a rehearsal dinner that was essentially the entire guest list; stations for food, open bar, etc. It was like a reception without the dancing.

2) an after-rehearsal hosted cocktail reception--I think there were hors d'oeurves, and open bar, but the whole event lasted maybe 2 hours.l It was for the entire guest list.

3) invited to meet everyone at a location (such as a bar, or the hotel bar) AFTER they had the small/private rehearsal dinner; nothing was hosted

4) not invited to anything the day before the wedding, and just entertained myself.

Honestly, I felt a little weird about #1, and #4 was fine but I really would have liked to have the invitation to meet up later like with #3.

justcallmesamson · October 2013

So it's not weird to just spread the word that folks can come meet us at a bar after RD?

GrrArgh · October 2013

Both of our families are huge, with many out of town guests. We've opted to just invite the immediate family (parents, grandparents, siblings) and those who are participating in the ceremony with their respective plus 1's. If we got into inviting all the OOT guests, we might as well go ahead and make the rehearsal the ceremony there would be so many people in attendance. My Aunt (who is very sweet and wonderful for doing this) has actually offered to have a family dinner/get-to-gether style the same night as the rehearsal for the OOT family members coming in on our side of the family so they can all have a mini family reunion before the ceremony/reception the next day.

ei34 · October 2013

My husband and I hosted the six members of our bridal party, parents, and siblings back at our place for wine, pizza and some homemade pasta dishes after the church practice, and the feedback was positive- it was quick and they were home early (it was a Wednesday night). None of our extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) had any qualms with not being invited. We both have enormous families, and opening it up to any more than our immediate families would have been tricky. When in doubt, go small and simple at the rehearsal dinner. (<- "small" lol...and two days later we had a wedding with 175 guests )

Good luck and enjoy your rehearsal dinner and wedding!

mimiphin · October 2013

I was a bridesmaid for an out of town (for me) wedding and SO's were NOT invited to the RD (I even offered to pay for him, it was at a local resturant, no go!). I didn't go (I was also sick) but it was partly out of protest. We are a unit and a team, what the hell is my guy suppost to do while I'm out to dinner in a city he doesn't know? Sit in the hotel and watch tv for 4 hours?

Please please please invite SO's!

MandyMost · October 2013

kmdassow said:

So it's not weird to just spread the word that folks can come meet us at a bar after RD?

I don't think so...as long as it's done both tactfully and in a casual manner. People understand that the couple will have a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and really shouldn't be offended if they're not invited to all that--but most people would probably love to see you for a few minutes before the big day anyway!

[Deleted User] · October 2013

We had a fair amount of OOT guests, we didn't invite them all to the RD. The except were relatives who were staying with our parents for the wedding. How do you tell your guests, stay here at our home & entertain yourselves & figure out dinner while we go to the rehersal & dinner?

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