Wedding Etiquette Forum

First Dance... at the ceremony?

Hey everyone, my wedding is coming up so soon and I'm so excited! We pretty much have everything planned, but I wanted to get some opinions on how we should do our first dance. For our reception, we're just having dinner at one of our favorite restaurants that is setting up a room for us, but neither of us are big on dancing so we weren't planning on doing any kind of dance. Also, we wouldn't really be able to have a dance anyway because there won't be a dance floor and we're not hiring a band or DJ. But, I had decided a long time ago, when we WERE planning on having a bigger wedding with music and dancing, that I wanted to do our first dance to the song "You're My Best Friend" by Queen. I had forgotten about it, until the other day when my fiance grabbed me in the kitchen and started dancing with me, and I realized I really do want to have a first dance as husband and wife! Would it be weird if we did at the ceremony, like after we've been pronounced? Or should I see if the restaurant will let us set up some small speakers and a laptop so we could do it there? Or should we just do it at home, in private, after the whole thing is over? Thoughts?
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Re: First Dance... at the ceremony?

  • I think it would be awkward to do right after your vows. IMHO.  If there can be a small dance area set up at the restaurant then I would go for that.  There isn't anything that says you HAVE to do a first dance.  My FI and I are probably not because already the day is too much about us and we really do hate attention on us...same reason we aren't doing a sweetheart or traditional head table.  
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  • I have never seen a dance directly after the ceremony.  It might appear odd, but if you really want to I guess you could.  If you were to do it at the reception, it is generally considered rude if you have the traditional dances (first dance, father-daughter, etc.) and not let the guests dance.  You could use a playlist for your guests to dance to and ask the restaurant to arrange the tables so that there is some room for people to dance.
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  • I think you should check with your venue to see if you can set up an area for dancing. I would be a little confused if the bride and groom started dancing right after vows.
  • You could play it for your recessional song and up the aisle together =o)

    Omg. I LOVE this idea. Thank you @photokitty!!!
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  • I think you should check with your venue to see if you can set up an area for dancing. I would be a little confused if the bride and groom started dancing right after vows.

    This made me laugh! Yes, that would be a little strange, wouldn't it!
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  • I think you should check with your venue to see if you can set up an area for dancing. I would be a little confused if the bride and groom started dancing right after vows.

    This exactly. It would be very odd. I also think there are other factors to take into consideration... like how long is your ceremony currently? If its long the dance is just going to extend it. Wedding ceremonies are lovely but I hate when they drag on and on. Is it outdoors? Walking outdoors in heels is hard enough nevermind dancing.

     

    Side note: Congratulations...my weddig is very soon as well (two weeks!). I'm sure you are as excited as I am.

  • I think it would be awkward to do right after your vows. IMHO.  If there can be a small dance area set up at the restaurant then I would go for that.  There isn't anything that says you HAVE to do a first dance.  My FI and I are probably not because already the day is too much about us and we really do hate attention on us...same reason we aren't doing a sweetheart or traditional head table.  

    I tend to agree with you about there already being so much attention on us... that's why I thought maybe we'll just have a little private dance when we get home. But I also really like the idea of using the song as our recessional!
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  • doeydo said:
    I have never seen a dance directly after the ceremony.  It might appear odd, but if you really want to I guess you could.  If you were to do it at the reception, it is generally considered rude if you have the traditional dances (first dance, father-daughter, etc.) and not let the guests dance.  You could use a playlist for your guests to dance to and ask the restaurant to arrange the tables so that there is some room for people to dance.

    I actually did not know that was considered rude, so thank you for letting me know! In that case, I think we will definitely pass on doing any dancing at dinner, and just use it as our recessional and maybe dance down the aisle just a little bit :)
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  • SJM7538 said:
    I think you should check with your venue to see if you can set up an area for dancing. I would be a little confused if the bride and groom started dancing right after vows.

    This exactly. It would be very odd. I also think there are other factors to take into consideration... like how long is your ceremony currently? If its long the dance is just going to extend it. Wedding ceremonies are lovely but I hate when they drag on and on. Is it outdoors? Walking outdoors in heels is hard enough nevermind dancing.

     

    Side note: Congratulations...my weddig is very soon as well (two weeks!). I'm sure you are as excited as I am.


    If all goes as planned, the ceremony should only be 15-20 minutes, and it is outdoors. The shoe factor wasn't one I had considered, thanks for bringing that up! And I also hate it when ceremonies drag on. I think using the song as our recessional is a good way to incorporate it without doing anything way out there.
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  • Oh, and @SJM7538, congratulations to you also!
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  • You could play it for your recessional song and up the aisle together =o)
    I'm with photokitty, using it as a recessional is probably your best option. Even at the reception, it would be odd to just have one dance. If it's a song that means that much to you, make it the FIRST song you hear together as husband and wife! 
  • SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    edited October 2013
    doeydo said:
    I have never seen a dance directly after the ceremony.  It might appear odd, but if you really want to I guess you could.  If you were to do it at the reception, it is generally considered rude if you have the traditional dances (first dance, father-daughter, etc.) and not let the guests dance.  You could use a playlist for your guests to dance to and ask the restaurant to arrange the tables so that there is some room for people to dance.

    Wait, what? I'm confused. I thought how the time line works is after the bride and groom are introduced into the reception hall then the first dance takes place. Am I wrong?

    ETA - Never mind. I think i misunderstood. I just thought you meant it's rude if the guest cant dance RIGHT THEN but i think you may have meant it's rude if no dancing will take place for the guest period.

  • Another idea, we had our pastor take a moment of reflection in the middle of the ceremony where we just looked at each other and enjoyed the moment.  I had the pianist play a song special to us, that became more special when I played it for my husband at our reception.  I really like the recessional song, idea too.
  • After reading this I wonder if our idea is equally awkward. Please share your thoughts.....

    Our ceremony is in a public park that has an old antebellum house, a reception hall, and a pavilion all very close together. We are exchanging vows on the front porch of the house, having dancing on the pavilion, and food in the reception hall. We are only serving heavy appetizers so we are not having a cocktail hour while we take photos. Our original plan was to have the MC announce right after vows that the food stations and dance floor "are now open" while we did our formal photos. My fiance was afraid no one would want to dance before we did our first dance, so we changed it to vows on the front porch, then everyone walks over to the pavilion for our first dance, the DJ announces that the dance floor and buffet are open for all to enjoy while the bridal party have their photos taken. After photos we we would join our guests and mingle. 

    Obviously ours is a very casual wedding and reception, but does that sound like it will flow okay?
  • After reading this I wonder if our idea is equally awkward. Please share your thoughts.....

    Our ceremony is in a public park that has an old antebellum house, a reception hall, and a pavilion all very close together. We are exchanging vows on the front porch of the house, having dancing on the pavilion, and food in the reception hall. We are only serving heavy appetizers so we are not having a cocktail hour while we take photos. Our original plan was to have the MC announce right after vows that the food stations and dance floor "are now open" while we did our formal photos. My fiance was afraid no one would want to dance before we did our first dance, so we changed it to vows on the front porch, then everyone walks over to the pavilion for our first dance, the DJ announces that the dance floor and buffet are open for all to enjoy while the bridal party have their photos taken. After photos we we would join our guests and mingle. 

    Obviously ours is a very casual wedding and reception, but does that sound like it will flow okay?
    Rather than threadjack, just start your own thread :)



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  • sorry Dreamer.... I saw another thread going off tangent from etiquette to the traffic problems in Boston on Sept 1st and there were many replies about that so I thought it was okay to start another subject in a thread. Will repost as a new thread....
  • sorry Dreamer.... I saw another thread going off tangent from etiquette to the traffic problems in Boston on Sept 1st and there were many replies about that so I thought it was okay to start another subject in a thread. Will repost as a new thread....
    I think you're just more likely to get answers that will be helpful for you if you start your own thread, that's all :)
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  • You could play it for your recessional song and dance up the aisle together =o)

    ETA left out the word dance :-p
    This is an awesome idea!
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