MIL Vent...WWYD?

Re: MIL Vent...WWYD?

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  October 2013

  CallaLily25 said:

  Feel free to tell me if I'm overreacting by getting mad at this and what you would do in my situation:
  
  We have FI's cousin's wedding in two weeks. The wedding is across the country from us. We're flying in the morning before (Friday) and leaving early afternoon on Sunday. We got our own separate invitation for the shower and for the wedding itself (sent a separate gift to the shower), but for some reason we didn't get a separate invitation for the private brunch the next morning. Ok, not a big deal. BUT, FI and I just found out tonight that MIL received the invitation for all of us a month ago and took the liberty of RSVPing for me and FI. Then tonight at dinner she just casually mentions it to tell us that we need to pack something nice to wear for it. When FI expressed his disinterest in going, she said "Well, you have to. I already RSVPed for both of you. Bride and Groom will expect you and want to see you."
  
  I'm angry for two reasons: 1. We're adults. I feel like we should have been given a choice as to whether or not to attend regardless of if we got our own separate invitation for it or not. 2. Our flight leaves only 1.5 hours after the brunch ends, and we'd really prefer not to attend the brunch as we have to get to the airport (which is 50 minutes away) pretty early since it's a major airport that is always extremely crowded.
  
  I'm not trying to insult the bride and groom, but am I wrong for not wanting to attend and for being annoyed with MIL for RSVPing for us without our knowledge? WWYD in this situation?
  
  Thanks for any advice!
  

  To the first bold: That's BS.

  
  

  To the second bold: No. You're right; you and FI are adults and your FMIL had no right to do that.

  
  

  You're not over-reacting. You're perfectly within your rights to say to her, "FMIL, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't have RSVP'd for us without checking with us first. Due to our flight, we'll be unable to attend the brunch. I'm sorry you RSVP'd without asking us, but we're not going to be able to make it. We'll call Cousin and let her know."

  
  

  And then stand your ground.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• photokitty mod

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  No, you're not wrong . I would call the bride personally and apologize for the confusion and decline the invite. It's two weeks away, so they can hopefully adjust the count without any problem.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• ceceibson member

  

  October 2013

  What OPs said.  You should have received your own invitation.  FWIW, my mother does stuff like this to me all the time [commits me to things and then tells me about them].  No way would I go, given the time crunch between the brunch and your flight.

  
  

  You are well within your rights and etiquette to say the above to your MIL, then contact your cousin, tell her MIL RSVP'd yes without asking you and tell cousin you won't be there.  No apology necessary.  Cousin started this by not sending you a separate invitation and MIL made a bad situation worse.

  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  October 2013

  I bet the different invites (shower, wedding, brunch) were sent by 3 different people and whoever sent the brunch invites was lazy and just sent it to parent's house.  Because it doesn't make any sense why you would get the shower and wedding invite to your house and not the brunch. Regardless, your FMIL was wrong by responding for you. Call the bride and groom and let them them know that unfortunately you won't be able to come to the brunch but are looking forward to the wedding.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• mlg78 member

  

  October 2013

  I agree they were likely sent by different people and don't fault the bride and groom.  I also agree with calling up the bride and telling her you can't make the brunch due to your flight times and then have your FI speak with his mother about this.

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• CallaLily25 member

  

  October 2013

  Thank you for the great advice! I'm glad to know I'm not just overreacting. I will definitely be calling the bride, and FI is going to be having a discussion with his mom.
  

  
  

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• melbelleup member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  CallaLily25 said:

  Feel free to tell me if I'm overreacting by getting mad at this and what you would do in my situation:
  
  We have FI's cousin's wedding in two weeks. The wedding is across the country from us. We're flying in the morning before (Friday) and leaving early afternoon on Sunday. We got our own separate invitation for the shower and for the wedding itself (sent a separate gift to the shower), but for some reason we didn't get a separate invitation for the private brunch the next morning. Ok, not a big deal. BUT, FI and I just found out tonight that MIL received the invitation for all of us a month ago and took the liberty of RSVPing for me and FI. Then tonight at dinner she just casually mentions it to tell us that we need to pack something nice to wear for it. When FI expressed his disinterest in going, she said "Well, you have to. I already RSVPed for both of you. Bride and Groom will expect you and want to see you."
  
  I'm angry for two reasons: 1. We're adults. I feel like we should have been given a choice as to whether or not to attend regardless of if we got our own separate invitation for it or not. 2. Our flight leaves only 1.5 hours after the brunch ends, and we'd really prefer not to attend the brunch as we have to get to the airport (which is 50 minutes away) pretty early since it's a major airport that is always extremely crowded.
  
  I'm not trying to insult the bride and groom, but am I wrong for not wanting to attend and for being annoyed with MIL for RSVPing for us without our knowledge? WWYD in this situation?
  
  Thanks for any advice!
  

  I'd show up, tell the bride and groom thanks for having us, eat a little and leave before the brunch is over. Catch your flight and move on If you can't make it due to the start time being close to flight time as well, call the bride and groom, apologize then have FI talk to his mom. 
  

  

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• ei34 member

  

  October 2013

  I would totally be frustrated!  Glad you came here to vent because you're absolutely right to feel the way you do!  I'd be mad at: A)  FI's cousin for not sending you your own invitation- she did it for the shower and wedding so what happened there?  and your MIL absolutely should have checked with you guys before RSVP'ing!  Incredibly inconsiderate!

  That being said, you and FI have every right, as adults, to say that you're not attending the brunch.  Even if you didn't have a flight to catch, you could tell MIL and FI's cousin that you should have been made aware in advance.  Don't go to the brunch!  And have FI talk to his mom for things that pop up like this in the future (because I'm sure they will ).  She can't make decisions for you guys!

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  October 2013

  I would find out who's hosting and call them to let them know that you didn't find out about the brunch until last night and unfortunately, your flight is early and you won't be able to attend. I think this is an important lesson for whoever sent these invitations that this is exactly why adults get their own invitation.

  
  

  Then I'd call the B&G and explain that you were included on FI's mom's invite and didn't find out about until last night - and unfortunately you fly out early. 

  
  

  As for FI's mom, he deals with her. All he really has to say is "Sorry, we didn't find out about it until last night and the logistics with our flight don't work. Hopefully next time we receive our own invitation with enough notice to book our flights around it. Unfortunately that's not the case this time, but we look forward to the wedding."

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