would you consider......

foreverinlove14 · October 2013

I have been with my guy for six months on the 20th of this month, and he has asked me to marry him twice the first time I laughed it off and said lets wait for a while and the second time was so sweet he put a ring pop on my finger and asked me of course I laughed at his sweetness and said yes. Now that has happened I have looked at dresses and everything and he is teasing me about when and where he is going to give me the real ring which is putting me on edge. Some of my friends say that they would consider us engaged but others don't, I'm so confused about this. My question to everyone is would you consider us engaged or not?? please help.

bethsmiles · October 2013

It doesn't matter what others think - do you and your SO consider yourselves engaged? This really isn't something you should have to consult others about.

Shiroyasha · October 2013

In my opinion, if you two consider yourselves engaged, then yes you are. You don't need a ring to be engaged.

loves2shop4shoes · October 2013

A ring does not an engagement make.

Out of sheer, morbid curiousity...how old are you?

CLoGreenEyes · October 2013

It's whatever you and your BF decide. Nobody but the two of you can determine that. I would hold off on any planning until you guys talk it out and make a mutual decision.

psychbabe314 · October 2013

Like everyone else says, it is up to the both of you to make a mutual decision. It is cute that he is so interested in it, but how do you feel about it?

cu97tiger · October 2013

Everyone has already answered your question, so I'll be the killjoy that says this: if you are engaged, I hope you consider a long engagement. Six months is a short amount of time to be with someone and pledge the rest of your life to them. While yes, it COULD work out, you also have barely scratched the surface of getting to know each other.

CLoGreenEyes · October 2013

What Tiger said exactly. I missed that piece last night when I read this. And I second Shoes' question.

KeptInStitches · October 2013

Beth is wise. Tiger is wise, too.

buddysmom80 · October 2013

Tiger is wise, at six months, BF and I were in the honeymoon stage, neither of us could do nothing wrong. Fast forward a few years later and we are still learning new things about each other and adjusting to living together.

cu97tiger · October 2013

buddysmom80 said:

Tiger is wise, at six months, BF and I were in the honeymoon stage, neither of us could do nothing wrong. Fast forward a few years later and we are still learning new things about each other and adjusting to living together.

Totally this, too. DH and I have been together for 64 months (haha, remember that chick?) and we are still learning how to coexist. Not in a 'I don't know how to live with this person' kind of way, but in a 'what's the best way for us to meld our different living styles' way. And we've been living together for roughly 4 years!

beanbot2002 · October 2013

@cu97tiger is very very wise. Please listen to her.

Personally, if BF proposed to me (even now) with a ring pop, I wouldn't consider ourselves engaged. I would just chalk it up to a cutesy/silly moment and not an actual proposal. But that's me...I think I had 4 high school boyfriends 'propose' to me with ring pops, so there's that.

Blackbird230 · October 2013

I'm on both sides of this. One, if there's any doubt in your mind, you're not ready for it. It sounds like you just said yes because he was being cute, not because you necessarily feel ready for that step.

On the other hand, my grandparents were engaged after a week of dating. It worked out for them. It happens. Have BF and I (similar timetable) considered getting engaged? Yes, but we want to wait a year and then have a long engagement even though we've been friends for 3 years before dating.

bride2b71614 · October 2013

For clarity: You said that he's done this twice, the second time with a ring pop. After you started looking at dresses etc,he talked about when he's going to give you the real ring (also laughs at the fact that you are going through the planning process, which appears to be without him at this point)? Again, just want clarity on that. Based on my reading comprehension alone, I would lean towards saying that you are not engaged. As for advice: I ditto with all PPs. This is a discussion that you should have with your BF (or FI at this point?) in order to clarify the situation. Second, despite popular opinion, an actual engagement ring is not required in order to be engaged, a proposal with intent to marry between a couple is considered an engagement. A thread a long time ago (don't remember which board) had a woman whose friends didn't consider her e-ring to be an e-ring (apparently the stone wasn't traditional enough, the size wasn't large enough, it was kind of a sad post to read). A poster told that original poster that if they subject of the e-ring was brought up, she should use a ring pop and tell her friends that she would hate to overwhelm them with the size of the ring. That being said, six months is a fairly short amount of time to be together, and I agree with tiger in the sense that you might want to consider a long engagement due to the timespan if you and your partner agree that you are engaged. Also, how old are you? Again this can contribute to your friends responses when it comes to your friends and our general advice giving. Over all, I hope that you have a conversation with your BF/FI about whether or not this was a serious proposal of sorts, and maybe cut back on the planning until he says that his proposal was serious and that he is going to marry you. Good luck.

loves2shop4shoes · October 2013

Can I just add that in the first grade, my crush, whose name was Timothy, proposed to me with a ring from a Cracker Jack box. I turned him down because I said I wanted to know my multiplication tables first. He cried.

Fran1985 · October 2013

So sometimes I think people get confused between "wanting to marry this person" and being engaged. FI and I talked about marriage many times before we were officially engaged. We talked about future, ideas about kids, life plans, etc. For us, becoming engaged was the official planning the wedding stage. Since you've only been dating six months, I'd let this be the stage where you are excited because you could see yourself marrying this man. There should be no rush! If you want to get married it means you want to be together forever, so you should think about a lot of things before you start planning the wedding (kids? where will you live, get finances in order, etc) Quick engagements def can work wonderfully, but what's the rush? I would enjoy this time, and wait to officially have the engagement discussion until you feel like you know each other well enough to have that discussion. there should be no doubt in your mind when you are engaged, and you should be an equal partner in that discussion.

thejinxchan · October 2013

bride2b71614 said:

For clarity: You said that he's done this twice, the second time with a ring pop. After you started looking at dresses etc,he talked about when he's going to give you the real ring (also laughs at the fact that you are going through the planning process, which appears to be without him at this point)? Again, just want clarity on that. Based on my reading comprehension alone, I would lean towards saying that you are not engaged. As for advice: I ditto with all PPs. This is a discussion that you should have with your BF (or FI at this point?) in order to clarify the situation. Second, despite popular opinion, an actual engagement ring is not required in order to be engaged, a proposal with intent to marry between a couple is considered an engagement. A thread a long time ago (don't remember which board) had a woman whose friends didn't consider her e-ring to be an e-ring (apparently the stone wasn't traditional enough, the size wasn't large enough, it was kind of a sad post to read). A poster told that original poster that if they subject of the e-ring was brought up, she should use a ring pop and tell her friends that she would hate to overwhelm them with the size of the ring. That being said, six months is a fairly short amount of time to be together, and I agree with tiger in the sense that you might want to consider a long engagement due to the timespan if you and your partner agree that you are engaged. Also, how old are you? Again this can contribute to your friends responses when it comes to your friends and our general advice giving. Over all, I hope that you have a conversation with your BF/FI about whether or not this was a serious proposal of sorts, and maybe cut back on the planning until he says that his proposal was serious and that he is going to marry you. Good luck.

I'm with bride2b on this one... I was all sorts of confused because you didn't seem to say YOURSELF that you wanted to marry him, just that it was sweet so you said yes... sooooo, I'm assuming you do want to marry him, but to me, at least how I read it, was that he "playfully" asked you as in to kinda get a feel to see if you were on the same page about marriage as him. Have you guys had any serious talks about marriage, life, and the future? If yes, and you both really are on the same page, then talk to him to clarify an engagement. As many said, a ring does not designate the engagement.. however, just from your little blurb it's a bit confusing to me.

minskat30 · October 2013

loves2shop4shoes said:

Can I just add that in the first grade, my crush, whose name was Timothy, proposed to me with a ring from a Cracker Jack box. I turned him down because I said I wanted to know my multiplication tables first. He cried.

This made me LOL. I had a boy in Kindergarten propose with his mother's engagement ring (no idea why she wasn't wearing it but whatever). I took the ring and said I would think about it.

Thank God I didn't lose the ring during school, at the playground or walking home a few blocks. My grandmother took one look at my hand and started yelling. Sadly, I started crying then and gave the ring back.

CLoGreenEyes · October 2013

@minskat30, that's such a sad story! You were just being gracious by accepting the guy's gift for gosh sakes. :P

bride2b71614 · October 2013

After reading this thread, I am craving a green ring pop. I don't even know where to get ring pops here so I am sad. That aside, @minskat30...your first "proposal" story hands down is amazing. Thank you, it made me smile and I really needed that.

minskat30 · October 2013

@amapola14 - I know right? I didn't want to hurt the poor guy's feelings.

@bride2b71614 - I'm glad it made you smile. It made me smile to remember how distraught you can be at 5 just for taking something from someone. The lecture was something along the lines of: Grandma: "Never, ever, EVER take anything from a boy ever again" Me: "Anything? What if I need a pencil" Grandma: "Never. Ask the teacher." End lecture... but clearly I didn't learn my lesson due to the current ring on my hand.

bride2b71614 · October 2013

@minskat30 LOL. I can actually picture a small girl in need of a pencil frantically asking around, and the only student with an extra one is male. Obviously you didn't follow that rule for the rest of your life, but do you remember the first time you broke the rule after that discussion went down, and when you did, did you worry that your grandma would be pissed?

minskat30 · October 2013

@bride2b71614 - You have no idea the anxiety that discussion caused. I think I avoided talking to boys for a good solid two years after that occured.

lilyandsparrow · October 2013

My boyfriend and I discuss marriage and our wedding and he's asked, "Do you want to marry me?" and has the stone to put in the ring, but I don't in any way consider us engaged. We talk openly but I expect him to create a special moment and propose to me properly when he's 100% ready.

On the other hand.. an acquaintance just got married to a guy she was with for about 6 months and they weren't officially engaged. They were at the store and she said, "Hey I like this ring, I want to get married." and he said, "Okay I guess you can get it." And now they are indeed married..

bride2b71614 · October 2013

You can be engaged without a ring. There just has to be an agreement/intent to marry. My mom got proposed to with a post it note. Most wouldn't call it a grand gesture or a special proposal but it was unique to them and they are happily married 29 years later.

psychbabe314 · October 2013

bride2b71614 said:

You can be engaged without a ring. There just has to be an agreement/intent to marry. My mom got proposed to with a post it note. Most wouldn't call it a grand gesture or a special proposal but it was unique to them and they are happily married 29 years later.

That is absolutely adorable!

Personally, my parents got engaged after dating for a short amount of time. They never talk about their engagement, but the way they met was something my mom always cherished. My dad walked up to her at a bar and told her that she would marry him some day. She laughed about it, but was instantly intrigued by this strange/scrawny/nerdy/naval officer.

Unfortunately, their marriage has been rocky for the past 3-4 years and will probably end in a divorce eventually. But, they were happily married for a long time and had four kids. They both have really great jobs, and supported each other through nursing and engineering programs.

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