Problems with Catering Coordinator

kimbebe51 · October 2013

Hi guys,

I'm new here and I normally just look at theknot for inspiration from all the beautiful pictures but I thought I would try to get some advice as well

The hotel catering coordinator at the one hotel I really want and my personality don't match as well as the other hotels that I've been looking at. True, it is a pricey hotel, but so were the others without the attitude. The others were willing to work with me regarding my budget and seemed more than happy to accept my business. However, this lady comes across a bit snooty and unwilling to compromise even by a couple of thousands of dollars. Basically due to the room we want she is offering only a la carte which is 100 more per person than the wedding package (which includes open bar! and bridal suite!), ours doesn't. When I asked if she could work with us regarding pricing to fit our budget, she dropped the fish option so the guests would only eat steak, which is odd in my opinion. I assume the vegetarian option is gone as well. So everyone needs to eat meat. Mind you we are paying over 300 per person. Her personality is very off putting and it makes me not want to pay that much even though I love the space. I am about to disregard this venue completely but still want to earnestly try one last time.

Is it not proper etiquette to go over her head and go to the director of catering to ask one last time? If so, what should I say?

Please disregard my horrible spelling/grammar its hard typing with a broken finger!

Teddy917 · October 2013

If you want to reach out do. But I wouldn't it doesn't sound like you like this place and have others that you prefer.

mlg78 · October 2013

Her personality isn't going to change. She will only likely cause you more stress leading up to your wedding day. So..is it worth it?

melbelleup · October 2013

kimbebe51 said:

Hi guys,
I'm new here and I normally just look at theknot for inspiration from all the beautiful pictures but I thought I would try to get some advice as well
The hotel catering coordinator at the one hotel I really want and my personality don't match as well as the other hotels that I've been looking at. True, it is a pricey hotel, but so were the others without the attitude. The others were willing to work with me regarding my budget and seemed more than happy to accept my business. However, this lady comes across a bit snooty and unwilling to compromise even by a couple of thousands of dollars. Basically due to the room we want she is offering only a la carte which is 100 more per person than the wedding package (which includes open bar! and bridal suite!), ours doesn't. When I asked if she could work with us regarding pricing to fit our budget, she dropped the fish option so the guests would only eat steak, which is odd in my opinion. I assume the vegetarian option is gone as well. So everyone needs to eat meat. Mind you we are paying over 300 per person. Her personality is very off putting and it makes me not want to pay that much even though I love the space. I am about to disregard this venue completely but still want to earnestly try one last time.
Is it not proper etiquette to go over her head and go to the director of catering to ask one last time? If so, what should I say?
Please disregard my horrible spelling/grammar its hard typing with a broken finger!

I'd look else where for a venue. She doesn't want to fit your budget and doesn't seem very helpful. Move on to someone who actually wants your money

STARMOON44 · October 2013

I'm not sure it's a personality flaw that she can't lower her price by "a couple thousand dollars" or that she proposed cutting an entree to save money. Sounds like she can fill her spaces without lowering her prices and you can't afford them. There's nothing wrong with trying to negotiate, but there's also nothing wrong with a venue that won't. I'd go elsewhere.

jessicabessica · October 2013

Your business is not worth compromising by a few thousand dollars to them. I would accept that and move on. If you don't like her personality, don't go over her head to the director to see if you can negotiate. Even if you can, you'll still have to work with the same coordinator, right? You are going to be frustrated working with them, and you may feel resentful about how much your paying for you feel they are treating you.

mlg78 · October 2013

Also, a couple THOUSAND dollars is a huge price reduction. I wouldn't give it to you either, especially if we're talking 2014 dates. If I were trying to fill a date for this coming December or something, sure...because it'll be hard to fill otherwise. I'm sure she'll easily find someone willing to pay the full amount so why would she want to barter with you?

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

mlg78 said:

Also, a couple THOUSAND dollars is a huge price reduction. I wouldn't give it to you either, especially if we're talking 2014 dates. If I were trying to fill a date for this coming December or something, sure...because it'll be hard to fill otherwise. I'm sure she'll easily find someone willing to pay the full amount so why would she want to barter with you?

If she's spending over $300/person, a couple thousand isn't that much - it's all relative. I agree with you though that the coordinator's personality isn't going to change.

OP - if you're spending over $300/person you should be getting REALLY good service - most hotel events coordinators make commission for booking events. If you can get more options at a better price with better service at a comparable venue then she's an idiot not to negotiate to achieve your business. Personally, I would NEVER give someone my business who didn't earn it especially if I anticipated problems down the road.

If you want to give it one more shot, I'd ask to speak with the events director and tell them exactly what you said here. Include the options you've been getting from their competitors and let them know that they've been much more flexible and amicable. I'd also ask if it's an option to work with a different event coordinator if you book with this venue - this woman sounds like she'll be nothing but a headache down the road.

grumbledore · October 2013

kimbebe51 said:

Hi guys,
I'm new here and I normally just look at theknot for inspiration from all the beautiful pictures but I thought I would try to get some advice as well
The hotel catering coordinator at the one hotel I really want and my personality don't match as well as the other hotels that I've been looking at. True, it is a pricey hotel, but so were the others without the attitude. The others were willing to work with me regarding my budget and seemed more than happy to accept my business. However, this lady comes across a bit snooty and unwilling to compromise even by a couple of thousands of dollars. Basically due to the room we want she is offering only a la carte which is 100 more per person than the wedding package (which includes open bar! and bridal suite!), ours doesn't. When I asked if she could work with us regarding pricing to fit our budget, she dropped the fish option so the guests would only eat steak, which is odd in my opinion. I assume the vegetarian option is gone as well. So everyone needs to eat meat. Mind you we are paying over 300 per person. Her personality is very off putting and it makes me not want to pay that much even though I love the space. I am about to disregard this venue completely but still want to earnestly try one last time.
Is it not proper etiquette to go over her head and go to the director of catering to ask one last time? If so, what should I say?
Please disregard my horrible spelling/grammar its hard typing with a broken finger!

I would move on personally. If a venue/caterer doesn't want to work with my budget and makes me uncomfortable, I would never give them my business.

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

jessicabessica said:

Your business is not worth compromising by a few thousand dollars to them. I would accept that and move on. If you don't like her personality, don't go over her head to the director to see if you can negotiate. Even if you can, you'll still have to work with the same coordinator, right? You are going to be frustrated working with them, and you may feel resentful about how much your paying for you feel they are treating you.

I agree with this and all the pp's. If you are talking about a budget of $300 per person they should be more than willing to work with you. Going over her head will probably only worsen the situation. Also a note that piece-of-mind is worth far more than any "discount" you can convince this place to give you!

tammym1001 · October 2013

kimbebe51 said:

Hi guys,
I'm new here and I normally just look at theknot for inspiration from all the beautiful pictures but I thought I would try to get some advice as well
The hotel catering coordinator at the one hotel I really want and my personality don't match as well as the other hotels that I've been looking at. True, it is a pricey hotel, but so were the others without the attitude. The others were willing to work with me regarding my budget and seemed more than happy to accept my business. However, this lady comes across a bit snooty and unwilling to compromise even by a couple of thousands of dollars. Basically due to the room we want she is offering only a la carte which is 100 more per person than the wedding package (which includes open bar! and bridal suite!), ours doesn't. When I asked if she could work with us regarding pricing to fit our budget, she dropped the fish option so the guests would only eat steak, which is odd in my opinion. I assume the vegetarian option is gone as well. So everyone needs to eat meat. Mind you we are paying over 300 per person. Her personality is very off putting and it makes me not want to pay that much even though I love the space. I am about to disregard this venue completely but still want to earnestly try one last time.
Is it not proper etiquette to go over her head and go to the director of catering to ask one last time? If so, what should I say?
Please disregard my horrible spelling/grammar its hard typing with a broken finger!

On the bolded, is it because it is a smaller room for less people or in a different place so they can't offer the full wedding package? I'm just asking because some of the things you're saying may not be her, it may be the venue. We knew what venue we wanted as soon as we decided we were having our wedding in our hometown, but we are having a small wedding so their normal ballroom didn't work for us. We booked a private area on another part of the property, but because of that we had to work with some restrictions that we wouldn't have had in the main ballroom.

kimbebe51 · October 2013

Here is the real problem that I forgot to address, I was fine with paying the amount she proposed, although it was higher than our budget. I'm not going to let a couple thousand dollars get in the way when Im spending $340/person. However, then I found the wedding package which she did not give me. It was cheaper by 100/person and included more things like open bar with premium alcohol and a bridal suite. Now I feel ripped off and I feel at the very least a couple of thousand reduction would even things out. When I talked to her about the price discrepancy she said the room was harder to get to. Which is not true. You take the elevator to a higher floor.
I think maybe I should move on, this is so stressful! I'm fine with eloping haha

climbingsingle · October 2013

Wow. After that last bit of info, I'd definitely find another venue.

Jen4948 · October 2013

I think you need to find another venue-this woman jerked you around. You don't deserve that.

OliveOilsMom · October 2013

Prior to moving on, I would write a letter/email to the hotel manager. Tell him/her that you wanted a certain package for your wedding (specify it - weddings are big bucks to them!), but are unable to have it due to the catering coordinator saying x. Tell him that you have decided to go to a different venue because of this. Let him know that the catering coordinator is the reason you are passing on their venue. Then wait a week or even 2, see if the manager calls you to work this out. I would also clarify that you want to work with someone else, if the manager calls you about it. If the manager doesn't call, then you've done all you can to get this venue.

I am curious, what is included with a price of $300 pp? Do they provide a live band, floral centerpieces, etc? Do they provide you with everything needed at the reception 100%?

grumbledore · October 2013

I reiterate - move on. You have a very generous budget, that should allow you to get what you want.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

One of the big things that helped us determine who we used for different things was how did they make us feel. Did we get a good vibe from them? Were they willing to work with us on what we were looking for & budget? Were they excited about helping us or just treat as nobody. I think there is something to be said from a vendor that makes you feel comfortable, gives you a good vibe and willing to do whatever they can to make your special day feel special. Having good vendors you trust will help keep your stress level down and make the planning process more enjoyable.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

kimbebe51 said:

Hi guys,
I'm new here and I normally just look at theknot for inspiration from all the beautiful pictures but I thought I would try to get some advice as well
The hotel catering coordinator at the one hotel I really want and my personality don't match as well as the other hotels that I've been looking at. True, it is a pricey hotel, but so were the others without the attitude. The others were willing to work with me regarding my budget and seemed more than happy to accept my business. However, this lady comes across a bit snooty and unwilling to compromise even by a couple of thousands of dollars. Basically due to the room we want she is offering only a la carte which is 100 more per person than the wedding package (which includes open bar! and bridal suite!), ours doesn't. When I asked if she could work with us regarding pricing to fit our budget, she dropped the fish option so the guests would only eat steak, which is odd in my opinion. I assume the vegetarian option is gone as well. So everyone needs to eat meat. Mind you we are paying over 300 per person. Her personality is very off putting and it makes me not want to pay that much even though I love the space. I am about to disregard this venue completely but still want to earnestly try one last time.
Is it not proper etiquette to go over her head and go to the director of catering to ask one last time? If so, what should I say?
Please disregard my horrible spelling/grammar its hard typing with a broken finger!

kimbebe51 said:

Here is the real problem that I forgot to address, I was fine with paying the amount she proposed, although it was higher than our budget. I'm not going to let a couple thousand dollars get in the way when Im spending $340/person. However, then I found the wedding package which she did not give me. It was cheaper by 100/person and included more things like open bar with premium alcohol and a bridal suite. Now I feel ripped off and I feel at the very least a couple of thousand reduction would even things out. When I talked to her about the price discrepancy she said the room was harder to get to. Which is not true. You take the elevator to a higher floor.
I think maybe I should move on, this is so stressful! I'm fine with eloping haha

I'm confused. The wedding package isn't applicable to the room you want to reserve? Why? Why are you "married" to that room? Can you choose a different room so that you can received the wedding package?

Is $300+ per person your original budget, or is it $300+ per person that you you can meet the food and drink minimums to have your reception at this venue?

If $300+ is your actual budget, then honestly take your money to a different venue with a staff that you can work well with. The look and atmosphere of this venue will not be worth all of the aggravation you will have to endure working with this woman.

allispain · October 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

Prior to moving on, I would write a letter/email to the hotel manager. Tell him/her that you wanted a certain package for your wedding (specify it - weddings are big bucks to them!), but are unable to have it due to the catering coordinator saying x. Tell him that you have decided to go to a different venue because of this. Let him know that the catering coordinator is the reason you are passing on their venue. Then wait a week or even 2, see if the manager calls you to work this out. I would also clarify that you want to work with someone else, if the manager calls you about it. If the manager doesn't call, then you've done all you can to get this venue.

I am curious, what is included with a price of $300 pp? Do they provide a live band, floral centerpieces, etc? Do they provide you with everything needed at the reception 100%?

I think this is fantastic advice. If nothing else, it may prevent this from happening to future brides if the hotel is aware of what is being said by their coordinators.

EverAfer · October 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

Prior to moving on, I would write a letter/email to the hotel manager. Tell him/her that you wanted a certain package for your wedding (specify it - weddings are big bucks to them!), but are unable to have it due to the catering coordinator saying x. Tell him that you have decided to go to a different venue because of this. Let him know that the catering coordinator is the reason you are passing on their venue. Then wait a week or even 2, see if the manager calls you to work this out. I would also clarify that you want to work with someone else, if the manager calls you about it. If the manager doesn't call, then you've done all you can to get this venue.

I am curious, what is included with a price of $300 pp? Do they provide a live band, floral centerpieces, etc? Do they provide you with everything needed at the reception 100%?

Yes, great advice. It's also important to have a good relationship with your DOC. I have alot of faith in mine, she's brought up issues we wouldn't thought of. They're there to help you and if they're not, you may be better off walking away even if they agree to your terms. Less stress in the future.

mlg78 · October 2013

Erikan73 said:

One of the big things that helped us determine who we used for different things was how did they make us feel. Did we get a good vibe from them? Were they willing to work with us on what we were looking for & budget? Were they excited about helping us or just treat as nobody. I think there is something to be said from a vendor that makes you feel comfortable, gives you a good vibe and willing to do whatever they can to make your special day feel special. Having good vendors you trust will help keep your stress level down and make the planning process more enjoyable.

I totally agree with this. I chose my venue based upon the way the woman made me feel at my venue. She said "yes" a number of times to everything I asked. I felt so comfortable with her.

loca4pook · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

mlg78 said:

Also, a couple THOUSAND dollars is a huge price reduction. I wouldn't give it to you either, especially if we're talking 2014 dates. If I were trying to fill a date for this coming December or something, sure...because it'll be hard to fill otherwise. I'm sure she'll easily find someone willing to pay the full amount so why would she want to barter with you?
If she's spending over $300/person, a couple thousand isn't that much - it's all relative. I agree with you though that the coordinator's personality isn't going to change.

OP - if you're spending over $300/person you should be getting REALLY good service - most hotel events coordinators make commission for booking events. If you can get more options at a better price with better service at a comparable venue then she's an idiot not to negotiate to achieve your business. Personally, I would NEVER give someone my business who didn't earn it especially if I anticipated problems down the road.

If you want to give it one more shot, I'd ask to speak with the events director and tell them exactly what you said here. Include the options you've been getting from their competitors and let them know that they've been much more flexible and amicable. I'd also ask if it's an option to work with a different event coordinator if you book with this venue - this woman sounds like she'll be nothing but a headache down the road.

Realistically speaking, if someone can afford a wedding that costs 300.00 person, that venue is smart enough to know they can afford to pay full price without bargaining. It sounds like a primo wedding spot, and they probably know enough to know that SOMEONE will pay it without needing to negotiate. In the longrun, they will get someone to pay full price adn they probably know it.

btw, what the heck comest WITH a meal that costs 300.00 a person, other than bragging rights to say they had a wedding that cost that much. I had a super nice meal and it was a third of that price and all my guests went home happy. seriously, that is such a waste of money...fancy steak and lobster meals don't even cost THAT much

loca4pook · October 2013

kimbebe51 said:

Here is the real problem that I forgot to address, I was fine with paying the amount she proposed, although it was higher than our budget. I'm not going to let a couple thousand dollars get in the way when Im spending $340/person. However, then I found the wedding package which she did not give me. It was cheaper by 100/person and included more things like open bar with premium alcohol and a bridal suite. Now I feel ripped off and I feel at the very least a couple of thousand reduction would even things out. When I talked to her about the price discrepancy she said the room was harder to get to. Which is not true. You take the elevator to a higher floor.
I think maybe I should move on, this is so stressful! I'm fine with eloping haha

Actually, I assume the other room is cheaper because it has a BIGGER minimum requirement so they knwo they will make more money in the longrun. The larger the party, the more money they make.

out of curiousity, where on earth are you locared that you are willing to pay 340.00 per person. I live in chicago and even fancy downtown places dont cost THAT much

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

I really liked everyone I met at my venue when I first met them a year ago. It helped relieve some of the stress I felt in starting the whole planning process. I am now 3 weeks out and I cannot imagine being uncomfortable with my venue/caterer.

::cringe::

SP29 · October 2013

Move on!

For that budget, you should be able to find exactly what you want.

I get that the venue likely has lots of business and can easily fill the spot, so they may not be willing to negotiate price, but they should be willing to negotiate options. At that price point they should have a variety of things to offer you or ways you can add/remove options to create your vision.

mlg78 · October 2013

loca4pook said:

southernbelle0915 said:

mlg78 said:

Also, a couple THOUSAND dollars is a huge price reduction. I wouldn't give it to you either, especially if we're talking 2014 dates. If I were trying to fill a date for this coming December or something, sure...because it'll be hard to fill otherwise. I'm sure she'll easily find someone willing to pay the full amount so why would she want to barter with you?
If she's spending over $300/person, a couple thousand isn't that much - it's all relative. I agree with you though that the coordinator's personality isn't going to change.

OP - if you're spending over $300/person you should be getting REALLY good service - most hotel events coordinators make commission for booking events. If you can get more options at a better price with better service at a comparable venue then she's an idiot not to negotiate to achieve your business. Personally, I would NEVER give someone my business who didn't earn it especially if I anticipated problems down the road.

If you want to give it one more shot, I'd ask to speak with the events director and tell them exactly what you said here. Include the options you've been getting from their competitors and let them know that they've been much more flexible and amicable. I'd also ask if it's an option to work with a different event coordinator if you book with this venue - this woman sounds like she'll be nothing but a headache down the road.

Realistically speaking, if someone can afford a wedding that costs 300.00 person, that venue is smart enough to know they can afford to pay full price without bargaining. It sounds like a primo wedding spot, and they probably know enough to know that SOMEONE will pay it without needing to negotiate. In the longrun, they will get someone to pay full price adn they probably know it.

btw, what the heck comest WITH a meal that costs 300.00 a person, other than bragging rights to say they had a wedding that cost that much. I had a super nice meal and it was a third of that price and all my guests went home happy. seriously, that is such a waste of money...fancy steak and lobster meals don't even cost THAT much

My guess is it's a venue that includes a lot of stuff -- music (band/DJ), cake, centerpieces, maybe flowers, etc...so it's not just $300 for the meal itself. If it's that expensive just for the meal, it's a waste of money, in my opinion.

kimbebe51 · October 2013

Southernbelle0905, OliveOilsMom: That is the answer I am looking for! Thank you.

Erikan73 I couldn't have said it better than you! That's exactly how I feel.

Thank you for all your feedback, it has helped put perspective into my decision.

The reason why I like this room is because it is unique. It is basically a huge suite with access to the rooftop. My fiancé and I don't want a traditional wedding with an MC, slide show, etc. We want our guests to feel as if this is just an intimate dinner. This space is compartmentalized into different rooms which we can transform into a tea room ( for the older women), cigar room (gents), dessert room, etc. Its hard to create this space with a big ballroom. Outdoor weddings would be too cold as we are planning on doing an evening wedding in March. This is not a room that is normally rented for weddings, as it needs to fit the right person, right wedding. Maybe it can be rented for a birthday dinner or corporate events. They rarely show it for weddings since most people want a ballroom. Hence, there is no wedding package designed for this room. I will admit it is harder to get to than the ballroom because it is nestled with the suites upstairs.

They are making more money with our party in this room than if we rented a ballroom with the wedding package, that is why I want the wedding package. We have well exceeded the minimum for that space. The money goes into hor d'oeuvres, dinner, cake, alcohol and room rental.

My fiancé does very well financially, however, we never talk about money with our friends or family. I believe it is low class to brag about how much money you are spending on anything period. That is why I am asking this anonymous forum for advice because although, I have wonderful friends who give great advice, I don't want to talk to them regarding budget or how much I'm spending. I realize this is a good sum of money we are talking about and not everyone can afford it. For this reason, I am covering everything for my bridesmaids to make it easier and as a thank you to them. I never talk to my family members how much we make, let alone the price per person as I would never want them to feel as if they owe us to cover the cost.

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

Erikan73 said:

One of the big things that helped us determine who we used for different things was how did they make us feel. Did we get a good vibe from them? Were they willing to work with us on what we were looking for & budget? Were they excited about helping us or just treat as nobody. I think there is something to be said from a vendor that makes you feel comfortable, gives you a good vibe and willing to do whatever they can to make your special day feel special. Having good vendors you trust will help keep your stress level down and make the planning process more enjoyable.

This is so true! My florist and I spent almost hour at our meeting and only about 20 minutes was to discuss the wedding. She was really open and easy to talk to, and after our chit chat she was able to suggest a few things that I wasn't thinking about but sound wonderful. Her proposal came in under budget and she was a great person. a win-win.

On the flip of that we met with five different photographers befor efinding one we wanted to try an engagement shoot with. Some of them were out of budget with all the "add-ons" and while one offered a great package price we just weren't comfortable with them. I find it important that all of the vendors we are working with are accomodating and make us feel comfortable. It has taken away the stress when i know I can shoot them an e-mail and say, "hey this changed or I am thinking of that instead" and they respond in a day or two with, "ok I can work with that and it should save you x, or it will cost you y."

If I was dealing with your venue of choice I would move on. There is no way I would want a vendor that I'm not comfortable with, especially if its the venue. At $300 pp person they better be giving you the best damn service they can. I also like Oliveoilsmom's advice. GL!

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