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Etiquette

How to address unexpected guests, or do you address them at all?

Sigh.  We're having a silly problem with not just a few, as would be plenty, but SEVeral invited guests to our wedding insinuating or suggesting that they will bring someone along who was not invited.  These suggested others are not typical requests, but things like a cousin who wants to bring her best friend; a family member who wants to bring a coworker whos just 'dying to come'; another family member who insists a neighbor must attend; a cousin who is apparently liable to show up with a group of friends; and several more along these ridiculous lines.  All I can do is gape blankly at my fiance and ask if we remembered to write 'wedding' on the invitations.  We've tried the simple, 'oh, sorry, we've already set out our numbers to make sure all our family and friends can attend, I'm afraid we can't make any more space unless you wanna kick out grandma! haha... sigh...'.   But still these suggestions find their way into conversations yet again.  We've even padded our catering and seating to make sure we have a little leeway just in case, but honestly, I don't know what's enough if this is the way things are going.  What the heck do you do in this situation?
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Re: How to address unexpected guests, or do you address them at all?

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    "The invitation was just for [names on invitation]. We hope to see you at our wedding!"
    doeydomelbelleupCoeur
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My friend had this problem. Apparently, in her circle - and more specifically her church crowd - people would just "tag along" to weddings. "I'm going to Keisha's wedding Saturday." "Cool, I want to come too. I'm sure she won't mind." For real - this happens a lot she said. So she had her DOC or their assistant check in guests at the reception. If they weren't on the invite list they were turned away. You usually can't stop people form coming to the ceremony, IMHO, as it's a public place of worship.

    I would hire someone to check people in at the reception, like a VIP party list, if you think it will be a problem. And it sounds like it could be. I would make sure to add anyone tot he list that received an invite and didn't RVSP - bc even tho it's rude of them, they might show up.

    That sucks! So rude of them! Good Luck! :-)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    melbelleupmeggiemo
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Coeur said:
    Sigh.  We're having a silly problem with not just a few, as would be plenty, but SEVeral invited guests to our wedding insinuating or suggesting that they will bring someone along who was not invited.  These suggested others are not typical requests, but things like a cousin who wants to bring her best friend; a family member who wants to bring a coworker whos just 'dying to come'; another family member who insists a neighbor must attend; a cousin who is apparently liable to show up with a group of friends; and several more along these ridiculous lines.  All I can do is gape blankly at my fiance and ask if we remembered to write 'wedding' on the invitations.  We've tried the simple, 'oh, sorry, we've already set out our numbers to make sure all our family and friends can attend, I'm afraid we can't make any more space unless you wanna kick out grandma! haha... sigh...'.   But still these suggestions find their way into conversations yet again.  We've even padded our catering and seating to make sure we have a little leeway just in case, but honestly, I don't know what's enough if this is the way things are going.  What the heck do you do in this situation?

    "What the heck do you do?" Seriously, you say "seriously" when they tell you this.
    Coeur
  • This is a no win situation from what I can tell.  If you turn the people you didn't invite away then the person they came with (the person that was invited) will probably leave too.  The nicest way to deal with this is to make sure you are clear about who is invited when it comes up in conversation prior to the wedding and make sure to say  that only those listed on the invitation will be accommodated. 

    *But IMO I would let it slip to the biggest gossip in the family/friend/church group that anyone who shows up that wasn't invited will be turned away along with the people that brought them.  I wouldn't actually do this, but I would at least let people think that I would b/c then maybe they would think twice before making such a crazy assumption about tag a longs. 

    *(I know this is not good etiquette advice, but this situation is a bit outside the etiquette norm for me and I really hate when people do this)

    Good luck with your wedding and I hope that your invited guests get a grip :)

     
    Coeur
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    "The invitation was just for [names on invitation]. We hope to see you at our wedding!"
    This.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    lauralee1723
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    AddieL73 said:
    "The invitation was just for [names on invitation]. We hope to see you at our wedding!"
    This.
    Agreed, and add "if we wanted those people to attend they would have been invited".

    Stand strong not only for your capacity and budget, but it's also a terrible position to put the uninvited guest in who has probably been told it's "ok" to come.

    A high school boyfriend did this to me not once but twice and it was extremely embarrassing to be told halfway through the reception that I was not invited.  I was mortified and would have never agreed to go if I knew I wasn't invited.
    lauralee1723Coeurjendemeyer
  • "The invitation was just for [names on invitation]. We hope to see you at our wedding!"
    This. Times one million.

    Guest: So, Joe and Sally said they can't wait to come to your wedding.
    You: I'm sorry, the invitation was for you and Bob, not you, Bob, Joe and Sally.
    Guest: But they really want to come!
    You: That's not the point. The invitation was for you and Bob. Will you be attending?
    Guest: They'll bring you presents!
    You: The invitation was for you and Bob. Will you be attending?
    Guest: But I've told them they can come!
    You: The invitation was for you and Bob. Will you be attending.

    Just keep repeating it. And I second the idea of having someone check guests in and put them at their tables.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    [Deleted User]palrmtlauralee1723Coeur
  • Are you giving guests a +1? I am assuming you invited known significant others.
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2013
    I don't recommend a VIP guestlist and turning people away at the door as some have suggested.  I had the same problem you're having- guests RSVP'ing with more people than had been invited.  (Obviously guests I knew very well were invited with their significant other.)  I cut the offenders off the day that I received the RSVP "Hi Jackie, I got your rsvp and I'm thrilled you can make it!  Due to our budget, you weren't invited with a guest though.  Are you still able to come even if it's alone?" This worked for most of the guests that took it upon themselves to invite an extra person.  The 10 or so that brought extra people (one woman- her neighbor, another, his 3 stepchildren from out of town who I'd never met and didn't know existed..), the catering hall just dealt with getting them extra chairs/squeezing them in, and hubby and I got the bill :p
    Coeur
  • I am having a similar problem and not sure how to handle.  People are RSVPing with plus ones, or plus kids that were not named on the invitation.  Now we are several people over our maximum, and I am literally 5 seats short for the reception.  We have tried to politely but firmly tell our guests that we don't have the room, but now it looks like we are going to be forced into spending an additional $1000+ to somehow squeeze in another table and accommodate the extras.  And since there's always a few no shows on the day of, we will probably still end up back where we need to be, but I can't count on it!  So frustrating!
    Coeur
  • Keep telling them no. They're not getting the hint from you jokes. And I I would absolutely not have food or seats provided to them. The waitstaff should be instructed not to give a meal to anyone without an escort card.

    Coeur
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am having a similar problem and not sure how to handle.  People are RSVPing with plus ones, or plus kids that were not named on the invitation.  Now we are several people over our maximum, and I am literally 5 seats short for the reception.  We have tried to politely but firmly tell our guests that we don't have the room, but now it looks like we are going to be forced into spending an additional $1000+ to somehow squeeze in another table and accommodate the extras.  And since there's always a few no shows on the day of, we will probably still end up back where we need to be, but I can't count on it!  So frustrating!
    You need to call these people and clarify with them that the invitation was only for x.  Sorry you cannot accommodate y.  However, these "plus ones" are these people's bf/gf?  If so, then those exceptions should be made as they should have been invited to begin with.  A plus one is only for truly single people.  Anyone's bf/gf should be invited, by name, on the invitation.  As for the kids, call the offenders.  You should not be put out further because someone does not know the proper way to read an invitation.
    Coeur
  • Just tell them in a very seroius way that "only ____ was invited and you cannot accomodate anyone else.  Hope to see you at the wedding."  Also, I personally would be put off by a bouncer out the door checking for names on a list, so I hope you don't do this.
    lauralee1723Coeur
  • The only thing I think you can do is tell them I appreciate that Bob & Sue want to come or that Betty would like to bring one of her friends, but unfortnately our budget doesn't allow for more guests then what we included on your invite. I hope you understand.

    Then you need to talk to venue on how they deal with these types of situations. They may already have a system in place for situations like this. If you do want to do a check in, maybe if you have it were the person checking people in is giving them their table assignments it won't come off so bad.

    Good luck!!!

    Coeur
  • lauralee1723lauralee1723 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2013

    My FI and I dealt with a bit of this ourselves, even from one of my bridesmaids! She is single and took it upon herself to invite a date without mentioning it to us first, and she and the person she invited (he is a mutual friend) were at our house when I heard him say something to her about going to our wedding, and I was like um... excuse me? When were you planning on telling us about this?

    Our wedding is going to be very small, our guest list is 41 and the only people included who are not related to us are my MOH and bridesmaid, MOH's husband, FI's best man and groomsman, and the friend we asked to marry us. That's it for non-relatives, and when FI's groomsman asked if he could bring a date, we told him no and the reason why, so I didn't think it would be fair for my bridesmaid to show up with a date that she hadn't even asked us about first. Not to mention I would have worried about how our other friends would have felt when they learned they weren't invited because we were having a so-called "family only" wedding, but that so-and-so went as my bridesmaid's date. How would we explain that one? I ended up having to have a private and awkward conversation with both my bridesmaid and the friend she had invited (separately), and I wasn't very happy that she didn't even think to ask us if it was ok before she invited him, when FI's groomsman obviously knew he needed to ask.

    We also had some issues with FI's grandparents wanting to bring members of their extended family that we had never met. When they got their invitation, that only had their names on it, they called FI's dad and asked him if the invitation was only for them, or if the entire family was included. I just don't understand why nobody seems to know how to interpret a wedding invitation anymore!

    Sorry about the long reply, just wanted to commiserate!

    Anniversary
    Coeur
  • Yeah, we had people do this too.  I was perfectly ok with it IF they RSVPd for the correct number of people.  I was a bit peeved, however, when people RSVPd for "one" and then just showed up at the wedding with someone.  It confused a number of people (there was a seating arrangement and several tables were already full).  Even though it screwed up some tables' seating arrangements, the actual "count" roughly worked out in the end with people who RSVPd "yes" but then ended up not coming.  
    Coeur
  • My FI and I dealt with a bit of this ourselves, even from one of my bridesmaids! She is single and took it upon herself to invite a date without mentioning it to us first, and she and the person she invited (he is a mutual friend) were at our house when I heard him say something to her about going to our wedding, and I was like um... excuse me? When were you planning on telling us about this?

    Our wedding is going to be very small, our guest list is 41 and the only people included who are not related to us are my MOH and bridesmaid, MOH's husband, FI's best man and groomsman, and the friend we asked to marry us. That's it for non-relatives, and when FI's groomsman asked if he could bring a date, we told him no and the reason why, so I didn't think it would be fair for my bridesmaid to show up with a date that she hadn't even asked us about first. Not to mention I would have worried about how our other friends would have felt when they learned they weren't invited because we were having a so-called "family only" wedding, but that so-and-so went as my bridesmaid's date. How would we explain that one? I ended up having to have a private and awkward conversation with both my bridesmaid and the friend she had invited (separately), and I wasn't very happy that she didn't even think to ask us if it was ok before she invited him, when FI's groomsman obviously knew he needed to ask.

    We also had some issues with FI's grandparents wanting to bring members of their extended family that we had never met. When they got their invitation, that only had their names on it, they called FI's dad and asked him if the invitation was only for them, or if the entire family was included. I just don't understand why nobody seems to know how to interpret a wedding invitation anymore!

    Sorry about the long reply, just wanted to commiserate!

    If your bridesmaid was dating that person it is considered rude to exclude Significant Others (SO's).  I understand you wanted to keep it intimate, but when two people are dated they are considered a social unit and should thus be invited together.  That is probably why you had this problem.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2013

    My FI and I dealt with a bit of this ourselves, even from one of my bridesmaids! She is single and took it upon herself to invite a date without mentioning it to us first, and she and the person she invited (he is a mutual friend) were at our house when I heard him say something to her about going to our wedding, and I was like um... excuse me? When were you planning on telling us about this?

    Our wedding is going to be very small, our guest list is 41 and the only people included who are not related to us are my MOH and bridesmaid, MOH's husband, FI's best man and groomsman, and the friend we asked to marry us. That's it for non-relatives, and when FI's groomsman asked if he could bring a date, we told him no and the reason why, so I didn't think it would be fair for my bridesmaid to show up with a date that she hadn't even asked us about first. Not to mention I would have worried about how our other friends would have felt when they learned they weren't invited because we were having a so-called "family only" wedding, but that so-and-so went as my bridesmaid's date. How would we explain that one? I ended up having to have a private and awkward conversation with both my bridesmaid and the friend she had invited (separately), and I wasn't very happy that she didn't even think to ask us if it was ok before she invited him, when FI's groomsman obviously knew he needed to ask.

    We also had some issues with FI's grandparents wanting to bring members of their extended family that we had never met. When they got their invitation, that only had their names on it, they called FI's dad and asked him if the invitation was only for them, or if the entire family was included. I just don't understand why nobody seems to know how to interpret a wedding invitation anymore!

    Sorry about the long reply, just wanted to commiserate!

    If your bridesmaid was dating that person it is considered rude to exclude Significant Others (SO's).  I understand you wanted to keep it intimate, but when two people are dated they are considered a social unit and should thus be invited together.  That is probably why you had this problem.
    A mutual friend is not a SO. A "date" doesn't mean they are a SO. By calling the uninvited date a "mutual friend" it is clear the PP didn't do anything wrong as the extra is not the bridesmaid's SO. Someone asking to bring a date is rude, someone saying "hey you didn't invite my boyfriend" is not rude and they should then be extended an invite. That does not appear to be the case here.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    lauralee1723jendemeyer
  • lauralee1723lauralee1723 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2013

    My FI and I dealt with a bit of this ourselves, even from one of my bridesmaids! She is single and took it upon herself to invite a date without mentioning it to us first, and she and the person she invited (he is a mutual friend) were at our house when I heard him say something to her about going to our wedding, and I was like um... excuse me? When were you planning on telling us about this?

    Our wedding is going to be very small, our guest list is 41 and the only people included who are not related to us are my MOH and bridesmaid, MOH's husband, FI's best man and groomsman, and the friend we asked to marry us. That's it for non-relatives, and when FI's groomsman asked if he could bring a date, we told him no and the reason why, so I didn't think it would be fair for my bridesmaid to show up with a date that she hadn't even asked us about first. Not to mention I would have worried about how our other friends would have felt when they learned they weren't invited because we were having a so-called "family only" wedding, but that so-and-so went as my bridesmaid's date. How would we explain that one? I ended up having to have a private and awkward conversation with both my bridesmaid and the friend she had invited (separately), and I wasn't very happy that she didn't even think to ask us if it was ok before she invited him, when FI's groomsman obviously knew he needed to ask.

    We also had some issues with FI's grandparents wanting to bring members of their extended family that we had never met. When they got their invitation, that only had their names on it, they called FI's dad and asked him if the invitation was only for them, or if the entire family was included. I just don't understand why nobody seems to know how to interpret a wedding invitation anymore!

    Sorry about the long reply, just wanted to commiserate!

    If your bridesmaid was dating that person it is considered rude to exclude Significant Others (SO's).  I understand you wanted to keep it intimate, but when two people are dated they are considered a social unit and should thus be invited together.  That is probably why you had this problem.
    She's not dating anyone, she just doesn't like to go to weddings without a date. She's brought a different one to 3 different weddings this year.
    Anniversary
  • My FI and I dealt with a bit of this ourselves, even from one of my bridesmaids! She is single and took it upon herself to invite a date without mentioning it to us first, and she and the person she invited (he is a mutual friend) were at our house when I heard him say something to her about going to our wedding, and I was like um... excuse me? When were you planning on telling us about this?

    Our wedding is going to be very small, our guest list is 41 and the only people included who are not related to us are my MOH and bridesmaid, MOH's husband, FI's best man and groomsman, and the friend we asked to marry us. That's it for non-relatives, and when FI's groomsman asked if he could bring a date, we told him no and the reason why, so I didn't think it would be fair for my bridesmaid to show up with a date that she hadn't even asked us about first. Not to mention I would have worried about how our other friends would have felt when they learned they weren't invited because we were having a so-called "family only" wedding, but that so-and-so went as my bridesmaid's date. How would we explain that one? I ended up having to have a private and awkward conversation with both my bridesmaid and the friend she had invited (separately), and I wasn't very happy that she didn't even think to ask us if it was ok before she invited him, when FI's groomsman obviously knew he needed to ask.

    We also had some issues with FI's grandparents wanting to bring members of their extended family that we had never met. When they got their invitation, that only had their names on it, they called FI's dad and asked him if the invitation was only for them, or if the entire family was included. I just don't understand why nobody seems to know how to interpret a wedding invitation anymore!

    Sorry about the long reply, just wanted to commiserate!

    If your bridesmaid was dating that person it is considered rude to exclude Significant Others (SO's).  I understand you wanted to keep it intimate, but when two people are dated they are considered a social unit and should thus be invited together.  That is probably why you had this problem.
    A mutual friend is not a SO. A "date" doesn't mean they are a SO. By calling the uninvited date a "mutual friend" it is clear the PP didn't do anything wrong as the extra is not the bridesmaid's SO. Someone asking to bring a date is rude, someone saying "hey you didn't invite my boyfriend" is not rude and they should then be extended an invite. That does not appear to be the case here.

    You are exactly right regarding my situation :)
    Anniversary
    photokitty
  • Two things i will never understand:

     

    1) Why people don't get that you HAVE TO RSVP FOR THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING.  Have these people never had to deal with caterers before?  Have they never been to weddings where there were place cards provided?  If you RSVP for one, and then bring a date, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?  If you don't RSVP at all and then show up WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?  If you add 4 randoms onto your RSVP who weren't invited WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?  Weddings are expensive, and no one really wants to feed their aunt's neighbor's cousin that they've never met just because he would like to attend.

     

    2) Why do complete strangers (or even acquaintences) want to go to weddings that they weren't invited to so badly?  Yes, I love going to weddings for people I care about, to watch them get married and celebrate afterwards.  But why on earth would anyone want to give up a Saturday night and get all dressed up to go witness the union of someone who they have never met or barely know?  I guess free food and booze are nice?  But seriously, I have never been upset about being left off a wedding guest list.  EVER.  Sometimes I don't even want to go to the ones I actually attend.

     

    Seriously.  I understand people adding uninvited children to RSVP's because they don't get that you don't want children there.  I understand people adding a date when they weren't given a plus one.  Both of these issues are easily corrected with a phone call.  But I just don't understand why a family member's coworker is "dying" to come to your wedding.  WTF.

     

    I guess 3) would be: i will never understand girls who are personally offended to be left out of a bridal party or are dying to be bridesmaids.  i will gladly stand up for my friends if they want me to, but who wouldn't rather just be a guest, wearing whatever the F they want that they probably already had laying around the house, not having to pose for pictures for hours on end?  what is wrong with people?

    lauralee1723HisGirlFriday13RebeccaB88Coeur
  • delujm0 said:

    Two things i will never understand:

     

    1) Why people don't get that you HAVE TO RSVP FOR THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING.  Have these people never had to deal with caterers before?  Have they never been to weddings where there were place cards provided?  If you RSVP for one, and then bring a date, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?  If you don't RSVP at all and then show up WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?  If you add 4 randoms onto your RSVP who weren't invited WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?  Weddings are expensive, and no one really wants to feed their aunt's neighbor's cousin that they've never met just because he would like to attend.

     

    2) Why do complete strangers (or even acquaintences) want to go to weddings that they weren't invited to so badly?  Yes, I love going to weddings for people I care about, to watch them get married and celebrate afterwards.  But why on earth would anyone want to give up a Saturday night and get all dressed up to go witness the union of someone who they have never met or barely know?  I guess free food and booze are nice?  But seriously, I have never been upset about being left off a wedding guest list.  EVER.  Sometimes I don't even want to go to the ones I actually attend.

     

    Seriously.  I understand people adding uninvited children to RSVP's because they don't get that you don't want children there.  I understand people adding a date when they weren't given a plus one.  Both of these issues are easily corrected with a phone call.  But I just don't understand why a family member's coworker is "dying" to come to your wedding.  WTF.

     

    I guess 3) would be: i will never understand girls who are personally offended to be left out of a bridal party or are dying to be bridesmaids.  i will gladly stand up for my friends if they want me to, but who wouldn't rather just be a guest, wearing whatever the F they want that they probably already had laying around the house, not having to pose for pictures for hours on end?  what is wrong with people?

    I love this so much!!

    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Why are guests not allowed a plus1? What if they don't really know anyone at the wedding?
  • Why are guests not allowed a plus1? What if they don't really know anyone at the wedding?

    Sometimes there just isn't room, or sometimes you want an intimate ceremony and you don't want unknown people there.
    Anniversary
    Coeur
  • Why are guests not allowed a plus1? What if they don't really know anyone at the wedding?


    If a guest is TRULY single (or under 18), it's not mandatory to give them a plus one - that having been said, if you can afford it, it's a nice thing to do.  Especially for people who won't know a lot of the other guests, or people who have to come in from out of town so they won't have to travel alone.

     

    DISCLAIMER: "truly single" means that the person does not consider themselves to be in a relationship.  If the guest has a significant other (someone they would refer to as their BF or GF), even if they have only been together for a day, it is expected that they will be invited to the wedding together.  No exceptions.

    Coeur
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    delujm0 said:
    Why are guests not allowed a plus1? What if they don't really know anyone at the wedding?


    If a guest is TRULY single (or under 18), it's not mandatory to give them a plus one - that having been said, if you can afford it, it's a nice thing to do.  Especially for people who won't know a lot of the other guests, or people who have to come in from out of town so they won't have to travel alone.

     

    DISCLAIMER: "truly single" means that the person does not consider themselves to be in a relationship.  If the guest has a significant other (someone they would refer to as their BF or GF), even if they have only been together for a day, it is expected that they will be invited to the wedding together.  No exceptions.

    All of this.  

    Sorry, I just don't understand why truly single people feel entitled to a +1.  Yes, its a nice gesture but if the hosts can't or don't want to accommodate that's their call.  Going to weddings or other social events alone can suck (believe me I know) but that doesn't obligate the host to add to their head count so someone can feel more socially comfortable.  

    I would never expect someone to do that for me.  And this is coming from someone who isn't the biggest extrovert but can suck it up for a few hours and step outside my comfort zone, or if I felt that awkward about going I just wouldn't go.  It's not about me, it's about the couple and the mix of people from their lives who come together to celebrate a union.

    I know proper hosting is about making your guests feel comfortable, but just feel like this subject always crosses the line just because people usually deal with it by asking to bring a +1 (or 2 or 3 or 4), or just flat out bring them without prior permission.  This in turn makes the host feel uncomfortable.  Just my two cents.
    Coeur
  • I would try to head off the extra invites before the wedding, with a phone call as KeptInStitches said.

    As for the wedding itself, I would not have a "bouncer" with VIP list, but I would have some degree of assigned seating and escort cards. Thus, only guests with an escort card get a seat and a meal. If someone is bold enough to bring extra uninvited guests or show up uninvited it is on them and I don't think they should be accommodated. 

    I also can't believe people actually do this. Do people not understand seating capacity? Catering numbers? Cost? Not to mention a wedding is a personal event that the B&G choose to share with those they are closest to, why would someone invite them self to join in? I would not accommodate them on the principle of how rude this action is. 
    Coeur
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