his daughter in the middle

mrsgancio · October 2013

while i love my step daughter to be, he wants her to be in the limo with us right after we say i do instead of joining the rest of the bridal party in the limo bus.there will be many 2 other girls her age on the bus along with 2 of her aunts and an uncle. I think this should be a time for the two of us to be together alone. am i wrong?

SomethingBeautiful08 · October 2013

You are not wrong, nor is he. It sounds like you want a few minutes of alone time during this transition, which is understandable, but are you going to get that at another time? I suspect that he wants a few minutes of family bonding time, but that might not necessarily mean the limo time. I'd suggest you talk it over with FH, talk about why you both feel the way your do and figure out a way in the timeline to do both.

allispain · October 2013

I think that both of your perspectives are valid here. Personally, I can see things more from your point of view, since this is your wedding day and you won't get to have much time for just the two of you. However, I also am not a parent; if I were, my gut instinct might be different.

Really, you should have a talk with your FI so that you can both explain why it's so important to you to a) have his daughter join you and b) have that time for just the two of you. Then, once both sides have been heard, you can decide together which option makes the most sense for you as a couple and as a new family.

One question that may help with this discussion - when you go home (or back to the hotel or whatever) at the end of the night, will it be just the two of you then or will you have your SD with you? If that's already guaranteed alone time, then I would be much more willing to allow your SD to join you after the ceremony.

doeydo · October 2013

I don't think either of you are "wrong". I do see your point of view/wants as more appropriate, though. I think you just need to talk to him and you both need to agree to one or the other.

MobKaz · October 2013

If your stepdaughter is in the wedding party, then it makes sense that she do the same as the rest of the bridal party. Otherwise, she stands out as doing something different. However, I guess her age may play into this scenario, so I would ask how old she is before making a final decision.

Typically, either the wedding couple ride together with the entire bridal party, or alone as a couple with the bridal party travelling together. Can you change your transportation and all ride together?

OliveOilsMom · October 2013

mrsgancio said:

while i love my step daughter to be, he wants her to be in the limo with us right after we say i do instead of joining the rest of the bridal party in the limo bus.there will be many 2 other girls her age on the bus along with 2 of her aunts and an uncle. I think this should be a time for the two of us to be together alone. am i wrong?

May I ask how old she? If she is still young, say under 5, I could totally see your FI wanting to be the protective dad and keeping her nearby. But I also see your point of view. You should speak with FI and let him know how you feel. Will you be having a sweetheart table at the reception? That could be the "alone" time that you are looking for after your ceremony.

mrsgancio · October 2013

Thanks everyone! I just wanted to make sure i wasn't totally crazy by thinking the way i do. I am going to have the convo with him later. I just wanted to make sure i had grounds to stand on. She is going to be 8 at the time of our wedding. My goddaughter is her age and will be in the wedding party as well along with my neice who will be 6. let u know how it turns out!!!

Jen4948 · October 2013

mrsgancio said:

Thanks everyone! I just wanted to make sure i wasn't totally crazy by thinking the way i do. I am going to have the convo with him later. I just wanted to make sure i had grounds to stand on. She is going to be 8 at the time of our wedding. My goddaughter is her age and will be in the wedding party as well along with my neice who will be 6. let u know how it turns out!!!

No, you aren't wrong or totally crazy. Regardless if there are children in the picture, weddings are the union of the bride and groom, and I think any wish on one of their parts for private moments that don't include the children are reasonable.

MobKaz · October 2013

mrsgancio said:

Thanks everyone! I just wanted to make sure i wasn't totally crazy by thinking the way i do. I am going to have the convo with him later. I just wanted to make sure i had grounds to stand on. She is going to be 8 at the time of our wedding. My goddaughter is her age and will be in the wedding party as well along with my neice who will be 6. let u know how it turns out!!!

You might want to get SD's opinion as well. Seeing two peers, she may actually prefer to ride in the "fun car" with the other girls her age.

mrsgancio · October 2013

So i had the talk with him and he agreed with my point of view. He didn't realize how much it meant to me for us to have that time to ourselves and was just caught up in the excitement of it all. Thanks everyone for your advice!!!

WildMagelet · October 2013

mobkaz said:

mrsgancio said:

Thanks everyone! I just wanted to make sure i wasn't totally crazy by thinking the way i do. I am going to have the convo with him later. I just wanted to make sure i had grounds to stand on. She is going to be 8 at the time of our wedding. My goddaughter is her age and will be in the wedding party as well along with my neice who will be 6. let u know how it turns out!!!

You might want to get SD's opinion as well. Seeing two peers, she may actually prefer to ride in the "fun car" with the other girls her age.

IAWTC. At 8 I would have preferred to ride in the fun car with other kids my age, without my parents. Bonus points if I have a good relationship with other adults on the BP bus.

Jen4948 · October 2013

mrsgancio said:

So i had the talk with him and he agreed with my point of view. He didn't realize how much it meant to me for us to have that time to ourselves and was just caught up in the excitement of it all. Thanks everyone for your advice!!!

That's good to hear that he understood your point of view.

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