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So I totally screwed myself...

akmiller2010akmiller2010 member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So my invitations are out my RSVP date is 10/26 which is 3 weeks before the wedding. I thought I double checked all my contracts to make sure I had plenty of time before the final counts were due. Apparently I missed one. My rental contract(chair covers, linens, etc) needs a final count literally the day after the RSVP date. I know it's rude to call and ask before the date, but in this case would it be totally awful if I did?
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Re: So I totally screwed myself...

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    akmiller2010 said:
    So my invitations are out my RSVP date is 10/26 which is 3 weeks before the wedding. I thought I double checked all my contracts to make sure I had plenty of time before the final counts were due. Apparently I missed one. My rental contract(chair covers, linens, etc) needs a final count literally the day after the RSVP date. I know it's rude to call and ask before the date, but in this case would it be totally awful if I did?
    Yes, don't punish your guests for your mistake. 

    Hopefully by your RSVP date you'll have enough responses to make a decent guess. I'd tally anyone who has not responded as a "yes" to be on the safe side. 
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2013
    Generally, you are supposed to call a couple days to a week after.  I still wouldn't ask before the RSVP date.  You could give the vendor the max count and just pay for potential extra linens.  Or, you call could the guests that haven't RSVPd yet on the day of the RSVP date.  You would have to explain that you are sorry, you didn't realize when you sent out the invites that one vendor needed a headcount sooner than you thought.  ETA clarity
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  • akmiller2010akmiller2010 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I'm hoping there will only be a few to track down. I still can't believe I did that!
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    akmiller2010 said:
    So my invitations are out my RSVP date is 10/26 which is 3 weeks before the wedding. I thought I double checked all my contracts to make sure I had plenty of time before the final counts were due. Apparently I missed one. My rental contract(chair covers, linens, etc) needs a final count literally the day after the RSVP date. I know it's rude to call and ask before the date, but in this case would it be totally awful if I did?
    I'd take a wait-and-see approach, honestly. You might get a better response rate than you think. 

    We mailed out 77 invitations. By a week before the wedding, we were waiting on less than 10 responses, and most of them were people we knew about one way or the other. 

    So wait, see, and then as you get closer to the date, try to get a feel for the people. Otherwise, contact them a day or so before the RSVP deadline and be like, "I'm so sorry, I screwed up, but I need a headcount for my chairs and tables contract by X date; do you know if you'll be attending?"

    By that close to the deadline, they should know their plans anyway, so it's not like you're rushing them. 

    Also -- check with your rental company. They might need an "at least" number by that date, and they'll let you add to that after the date but not subtract from. If that's the case, give them the number you know -- the yes RSVPs that you have by that point -- and then add to it later if need be.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Will the rental company let you add on to your rental order?  I know with some reception halls you can always add people up to a few days before the wedding, you just can't take people off, i.e, pay less money to them.  I would call the rental company and see if you would be able to add more chairs, for example, if someone calls you after the rental company deadline and changes from a no to a yes.  If they will allow you to add more to the rental contract, then give them the current yes total on the day its due.  When you contact the rest of the RSVP stragglers, you can then add in anymore yeses you receive.
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  • jlazgrljlazgrl member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I think that once your RSVP date hits, of the people who didn't respond, you should have a pretty good idea which ones will show. I had 22 people who didn't reply by the deadline, but of those people, I knew about 15 definitely wouldn't come (OOT guests with financial difficulties). I knew 2 would definitely come and the other 5 were up in the air as maybes. In that case, I would count the 5 I was unsure about as a yes for the rental contract headcount.
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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Ask your rental company if it's a minimum or maximum number that they need by that date.

    I would wait on contacting your non-responses until closer to the date.  Maybe you can come up with another reason to call them and not make it *about* tracking down RSVPs, but casually slip in a line about being excited to see them at the wedding, etc., if they don't bring it up first.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    flutterbride2b said:
    Ask your rental company if it's a minimum or maximum number that they need by that date.

    I would wait on contacting your non-responses until closer to the date.  Maybe you can come up with another reason to call them and not make it *about* tracking down RSVPs, but casually slip in a line about being excited to see them at the wedding, etc., if they don't bring it up first.

    I wouldn't necessarily bring up the wedding in a conservation to feel people out, but otherwise I agree with this suggestion.  I would contact the rental company and clarify the contract.  I can't imagine the company wouldn't be providing a few extras.  Either way if you know most of your list by the deadline I would just count them in and have the extras...if you have a lot of stragglers then you may need to be more direct and call them right away, apologize, and explain what happened.  We're not perfect so I don't think anyone whould hold it against you.
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  • shannyb41shannyb41 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would wait and see how many are missing.  Typically you give them a few extra days in case they mailed on the due date.  However, if you are missing 1-2 then I would just call them the next day.  That's what we did.  We were only missing 2 and they were my fiance's friends...and honestly probably would have never mailed the card back....I know this because 1 said he "lost it or threw it away or something...but you know I'm coming...".  
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  • Vivandiere8Vivandiere8 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Seems I'm the only one here, but honestly I don't feel it's so bad to call as long as you explain the reason. I think people would understand. I think some times we are so worried about perfect etiquette that we leave no forgiveness for simple human error. Had you known originally the RSVP date would have been sooner. It seems to me people should know as soon as possible that the RSVP date on the invites is wrong and really should be ___ .What ever date is needed. But first I would contact the rental company first, explain to them what happened, and see if they will allow you some extra days for the final count.
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