Catholic church wedding vent

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Actually, I suppose it's more of a PITA church organist rant/vent.

My mom (who is a church organist in my home parish) and I booked the church organist in February. Hey -- good musicians go fast, and having a Catholic Mass wedding on a Sunday, you want to get that nailed down ASAP. We gave him all the music in February -- the prelude music, the processional music, the Mass parts, the hymns.

My only instructions to him were, "During prelude, don't play 'Canon in D,' because that's what I'm coming down the aisle do, and don't play 'Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring,' because I don't like it." The processional music pieces are pieces he already knew -- they're pretty standard for Catholic weddings.

The Responsorial psalm and Gospel acclamation are from this year. The Mass parts are the Mass of Creation. The hymns are "How Great Thou Art," "Prayer of St. Francis," and "Ode to Joy." NOTHING unusual.

I wanted a sung "Gloria." Specifically, I wanted a sung "Gloria" that's my all-time favorite EVER version. BUT -- it wasn't updated with the Roman missal changes. So I asked the priest who's marrying us, "Is this OK? Can I use this EVEN THOUGH it's not updated?" He said yes, that was fine.

So we give that music to the organist. He calls my mom a month or six weeks ago and says, "Wow, I really don't like this version of the 'Gloria,' HisGirl chose." Mom says, "Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but she loves it, and it's her wedding."

LAST WEEK, he e-mails us both and says, "I'm really not OK with this 'Gloria.' It hasn't been updated to match the Roman missal changes, so I can't play it unless the priest tells me it's OK."

I e-mail him back and tell him that I have already cleared ALL of the Mass parts -- ALL of the music, including this 'Gloria,' which I knew wasn't updated with the Roman missal changes -- with the priest and he's OK with it all.

HE writes back that, 'No, he's sorry, that's not good enough, he needs express written permission from the priest to play this, and he's really sure I can't get it, so why don't I just do what he suggested and pick another 'Gloria,' like the one he likes better.'

Uhm..... No.

So I talk to the priest, who e-mails the organist and gives him permission and the organist writes back, "Well. I still don't like this piece of music."

I DON'T FREAKING CARE!! I AM PAYING YOU TO PLAY THE DAMN ORGAN, NOT HAVE A FREAKING OPINION.

I'm just frustrated. I get that he doesn't like it, but really? That's not relevant. Just play the music I'm paying you to play, and STFU about not liking it.

/rant

WonderRed · October 2013

Yeah. He just needs to STFU and do what you're paying him to do. I am so sorry you're dealing with that needless stress.

APDSS22 · October 2013

My church changed musicians about 12 days before my wedding. Not kidding. Luckily, the guy was super-flexible, responded quickly and via e-mail (which I can check at work on breaks) and had a lot of input that was super helpful on filler songs (which I didn't care about because I had other things to worry about by then). Personally, I don't like the changes...and I love a sung Gloria. Hopefully your organist will get over himself. He's not Bon Jovi (unless he is...?) and he needs to act like a paid employee rather than a headliner.

smalfrie19 · October 2013

Seriously..he gets no tip!!!!

doeydo · October 2013

I've heard Ozzy Osbourne in a church before. It was played at a funeral because it was the person's favourite song. As long as the person can read the music, they should be able to play the music you are paying them to play. Also:

monkeysip · October 2013

I'm sorry but I completely disagree. I don't think an organist is just any regular vendor who should "STFU" and play whatever the person wants. Religious music is important, and I rather respect a church organist who has the utmost respect for preserving the dignity of the mass.

I understand that the priest said it's okay, but technically, you should be using the updated Gloria to reflect the liturgical changes. If the Church changes the liturgical formulas, then you need to use it. I completely understand why the organist would have a problem with that.

HOWEVER... what I will say is that it seems like an easy update to the correct wording. Can he not play the tune of the Gloria you like and fix the lyrics?

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

monkeysip said:

I'm sorry but I completely disagree. I don't think an organist is just any regular vendor who should "STFU" and play whatever the person wants. Religious music is important, and I rather respect a church organist who has the utmost respect for preserving the dignity of the mass.

I understand that the priest said it's okay, but technically, you should be using the updated Gloria to reflect the liturgical changes. If the Church changes the liturgical formulas, then you need to use it. I completely understand why the organist would have a problem with that.

HOWEVER... what I will say is that it seems like an easy update to the correct wording. Can he not play the tune of the Gloria you like and fix the lyrics?

*stuck in the freaking box*

I don't disagree -- but I asked, and when the PRIEST and the MONSIGNOR at the church are OK with using what I wanted, it's really, IMHO, above the organist's paygrade to question that. He is an organist. They are the priests. They outrank him.

I asked, TWICE, about the Roman missal changes. Hell, I offered to change the damn lyrics to suit him. He doesn't like either of those options. He just really doesn't want to play this version because he doesn't like it, and you know what? I don't care. I was willing to listen when he was willing to be reasonable, but six days before my wedding? No. You don't get to pull this stunt with me now, buddy.

Also, I don't think it's a Roman missal change issue -- if it were, why didn't he bring it up in FEBRUARY, when I gave him the freaking music?? To bring it up as a Roman missal change issue AFTER he's asked my mother TWICE to change it because he doesn't like it screams to me that he just doesn't want to play it, and because he couldn't get me to change my mind one way, he's now using another tactic to get what he wants.

I don't appreciate end-runs around me, especially ones that try to use non-real liturigical reasons.

banana468 · October 2013

I'd also tell him that you will stop payment on any check for his services if he does not do as requested.

melbelleup · October 2013

Ugh I hope this isn't something I'm going to have issues with.. I really want the old version of Gloria at my wedding and not the new. I HATE the new

FutureMrsN3312 · October 2013

I can kind of relate. The woman from my church's rectory is anything but helpful. She doesn't return phone calls or emails. I called her at the year mark (May 2013) to see if there's anything I need to be doing. She said the check list I gave you. That 'list' consists of us getting an updated baptism certificate (which we did right after) and our marriage license (which it's too early to get). I called her in September because I haven't heard from anyone and all is says is we'll be in touch.

It's super frustrating. We have nothing done as far as the ceremony goes. We haven't even met with our priest yet. I only found out which priest is marrying us a few weeks ago when I called to register for RCIA. And I found out because the nice woman that registered me said "oh yes, I have you in the book for Father Brian. Ceremony is at 3 right?"

We have to meet with the music coordinator as well but can't do that until we meet the priest. 7 months to go and nothing is done...

melbelleup · October 2013

FutureMrsN3312 said:

I can kind of relate. The woman from my church's rectory is anything but helpful. She doesn't return phone calls or emails. I called her at the year mark (May 2013) to see if there's anything I need to be doing. She said the check list I gave you. That 'list' consists of us getting an updated baptism certificate (which we did right after) and our marriage license (which it's too early to get). I called her in September because I haven't heard from anyone and all is says is we'll be in touch.

It's super frustrating. We have nothing done as far as the ceremony goes. We haven't even met with our priest yet. I only found out which priest is marrying us a few weeks ago when I called to register for RCIA. And I found out because the nice woman that registered me said "oh yes, I have you in the book for Father Brian. Ceremony is at 3 right?"

We have to meet with the music coordinator as well but can't do that until we meet the priest. 7 months to go and nothing is done...

My church won't let me do anything with them until 6 months. Don't worry too much. I've decided I'll plan everything else until then. I have met with the priest in the state I currently live in though and gotten both of our baptism certs.. which I don't know why he needs them, but must be for paperwork. We're doing our pre marital workshop in November. That's about all we can do for now sadly, but rather have it done than not. The priest we met with also gave us a book that he gives couples he's marrying that has a bunch of readings related to marriage in to help us think of readings we'll want to do.

APDSS22 · October 2013

This confuses me because my priest told us that he needed the baptismal certificates no more than 6 months from the wedding date. Might be a parish thing though. We had meetings with him over a year in advance though. Did the FOCCUS questionnaire and got a pamphlet on reading selections. We got some information on pre-cana choices. That sort of thing.

FutureMrsN3312 · October 2013

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

This confuses me because my priest told us that he needed the baptismal certificates no more than 6 months from the wedding date. Might be a parish thing though. We had meetings with him over a year in advance though. Did the FOCCUS questionnaire and got a pamphlet on reading selections. We got some information on pre-cana choices. That sort of thing.

I just checked it again. It says dated within a year. Guess it depends on the parish?

If the not so nice lady would have explained that they'll contact us 6 months (or whatever) in advance that would put me at ease. But a vague answer like "we'll be in touch with you" doesn't help. Every time I get mail from them I quickly open to find a news letter and my donation envelopes. I'll wait till next month to bug her again. Or hope to see the priest that's marrying us at the RCIA class.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

Not Catholic, but Mass of Creation = full of win. My favorite.

I don't think that requesting a certain setting of any piece music for a wedding is out of the question, particularly in Ordinary Time in the church year. I honestly would really only understand it during Lent when the music often times goes all doomy and gloomy (I'm Lutheran, and we don't typically do anything with Alleluias during Lent).

We are really lucky and have a super amazing organist who actually was the organist at my parents' wedding 32 years ago!

Actually, every other piece is from the Mass of Creation. And all the other Mass music is from this liturgical year.

And yes -- during Lent, you're disallowed a lot of songs, because you can't sing "Alleluia," at all. But, as you accurately pointed out, it's Ordinary Time, not Lent or Advent or Easter or Pentecost.

*sigh*

I will get through this, and it's all worked out, because he and my mother and I had a little come to Jesus conversation about it, but I'm still just annoyed.

ETA: Because, yes, Mass of Creation = Full of Win! So awesome! Seriously, my favourite.

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