Having some dress drama... need advice.

Re: Having some dress drama... need advice.

• lauralee1723 member

  

  October 2013

  I don't have any insight, but I'm sorry you're having to go through this I had a hard time ordering a dress from Etsy once too, but that's because there were some communication errors between the seller in Thailand and me. I think the best you can do is just be as sincere as possible when dealing with the designer and hopefully she'll realize that none of it was intentional! Good luck!

  

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• smalfrie19 member

  

  October 2013

  There is nothing you can do. At this point my course of action would be to write her the check. make sure is is sent certified mail so you can BOTH be sure of its reciept and when the check is cashed, get a copy of the endorsed check from your bank. Make sure you keep all of your correspondance with her.

  

  
  

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• msuprincess04 member

  

  October 2013

  It's a tough situation, but I'd let it go. Once you pay her, she won't have any negative feelings towards you, even she even has them now. She's just a business person in a tough economy, so she's watching her back. Can you use PayPal conncted to a checking account instead of a credit card? That would avoid checks and the payment would be immediate.

  "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

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• grumbledore member

  

  October 2013

  Can you have you mom put cash in a Paypal account and pay the seller that way?  What a mess, so sorry.  My FH's bank pulls stuff like this all the time.

  
  

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  October 2013

  kfcowley said:

  Hello! I've never posted on here but I am feeling just sick about this and want to get some feedback. Here goes...

  
  

  I fell in love with a dress that I found on Etsy. My mom wanted to buy my dress for me, so she paid for it using her credit card. My mom has had a lot of issues with with people stealing her identity, and so when she made this large purchase, the credit card company flagged it, and long story short... they thought the charges were fraudulent and then revoked the purchase, setting into motion a whole ordeal of phone calls and just disaster! 

  The designer making my dress was understandably upset, as she had already started making the dress. This was also taking up her time as well, having to deal with the credit card company and all that. 

  Eventually, everything gets resolved... so we think. 

  Today, I get another message from the designer, and the charges have once again been reversed, so she does not have the payment. At this point, the tone of her messages are no longer friendly, and she believes that for whatever reason my mom has intentionally not paid. She is not sending the dress, understandably, until she is completely sure she will be getting paid. However, now she will no longer allow us to pay via credit card and wants a check sent to her. 

  All of this will be figured out, I'm sure, but I just feel so upset and stressed, and my feelings are hurt by the tone of the emails, which seem to suggest that this was purposeful on my part, when in reality I am doing everything I can to fix the situation. I have been very apologetic in my emails to this designer, have assured her I will being paying for the dress and any other fees incurred, no question, have extended the deadline for when it was supposed to be done... etc., and yet I feel that she blames me and thinks that I am dishonest, when I simply wanted one of her beautiful dresses!

  Does anyone have any insight into this situation? I feel terrible.. 

  I'm sorry, but some of this isn't adding up. When FI bought my wedding band, he used his credit card, and he got an e-mail from Discover that essentially asked, "Did you make this several hundred dollar purchase? Click this secure link to tell us yes or no; the transaction won't be processed until you do." He clicked the link, said he had, and that was it -- the ring was purchased and arrived five days later. 

  
  

  For the credit card company to have denied/reversed the charges TWICE tells me that that's something else going on. I don't blame the Etsy seller -- who's losing time, money, and business dealing with this, and is probably worried that you're going to leave negative feedback -- for thinking you're doing this deliberately.

  
  

  At this point, I also don't AT ALL blame her for refusing a credit/debit card payment from your mom. She has no reason to believe that the payment will be valid.

  
  

  Ditto @smalfrie19 and @grumbledor -- at this point, your choices are a certified or cashiers' check or PayPal. I've always used PayPal when I've made Etsy purchases, which I've done often for my wedding, and I've never had a problem. 

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  October 2013

  If you want the dress, get over it and send a check. If your mom's card had trouble once, why didn't you put it on your card and have your mom write you a check?

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• JaneAustensGhost member

  

  October 2013

  I'm not sure what the problem is. The designer hasn't been paid and has no reason to think she will be paid; I'd be snippy too! Pay her now if you have any hope of having that dress.

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2013

  
  

  JaneAustensGhost said:

  I'm not sure what the problem is. The designer hasn't been paid and has no reason to think she will be paid; I'd be snippy too! Pay her now if you have any hope of having that dress.

  This.  Regardless of the issues with your mother's credit card, the designer has every right to expect full payment for the dress.  That means, stop making your mother's credit card issues the reason why you don't have it and find another way to pay for it now.
  

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• phira member

  

  October 2013

  JaneAustensGhost said: I'm not sure what the problem is. The designer hasn't been paid and has no reason to think she will be paid; I'd be snippy too! Pay her now if you have any hope of having that dress. This, although I'll frame it a bit differently. Why don't YOU pay for the dress? What about YOUR credit card? I understand that your mom wants to pay for your dress. But if I were your dress designer, I'd probably be making the same decisions here, and drop you as a client. I mean ... after the first problem, I wouldn't have let my mom use the same credit card.

  
  

  Here are your options, as I see 'em.

  
  

  I WANT THE DRESS: Contact the designer immediately. Apologize profusely for the situation, taking responsibility (no, "This is the credit company's fault!" even if it is). Explain that you desperately do want this dress, and that you'd be willing to go with any payment method that she feels is necessary to ensure she gets paid. I would also inquire about the costs associated with having the payment disappear twice and offer to cover those costs. Explain that you will pay by certified bank check/your own credit card/PayPal/whatever she's comfortable with. Clarify that it is YOUR card/account being charged, not your mother's.

  
  

  I DON'T WANT THE DRAMA: Contact the designer immediately. Apologize profusely for the situation, taking responsibility (no, "This is the credit company's fault!" even if it is). Explain that you understand why she needs to drop you as a client, and wish her the best of luck. Then find a new dress and do not let your mother pay for it with her credit card.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  October 2013

  After the first decline, your mom should have called the cc company and told them the amount and source and to expect a charge. We did that with all the large wedding purchases as we've had fraud as well. Small businesses really get whacked by cc processing companies. This seller could be paying as much as 4% for all the approvals and declines. I recommend you split the processing fees with her and add extra for her check.

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• kfcowley member

  

  October 2013

  My mom made the purchase via credit card on paypal. PayPal thought that it was fraud and stopped the purchase. The credit card company then also held the money and started their own fraud process, and again stopped the purchase.This is why it happened twice.
  There is no question that the seller is not at fault, and I haven't blamed the credit card company, nor do I have any issue with writing her a check, and of course she wants to be paid. I have been very apologetic to the seller and have offered to reimburse her for any time she spent dealing with this. Her frustration is completely understandable and I haven't at all hesitated to pay her. This isn't the issue at all.
  My reason for sharing was more to get help not feeling so upset about this. For me, buying a dress is an emotional thing and I have taken it all very personally and it has caused a lot of stress, I simply wanted others advice on the situation.
  Thank you.

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