Rude people are the worst! vent

aurorajanette · October 2013

So this is not completely wedding related, but I need to vent about this...

Back story: FI's friend got married in July. Their wedding was very nice. We attended, gave a really generous gift, and we had a great time at their wedding. We're still waiting on the thank you card.

FI and I are huge Halloween fans. He collects movies, and during the month of October, we only watch spooky movies. Since many of our friends expressed interest in joining us in this, we planned to have three movie watching parties throughout the month of October. We chose 2 movies per night to show, and there is a wide variety to choose from (aliens, ghost stories, murder mysteries, old movies, new movies, etc.). We also tried to choose movies that we knew most of our friends hadn't seen before. In the facebook event we posted descriptions of the movies and asked people to come to one, two or all three showings, and we would provide food and drink.

Just like any other party, I worked hard to get our house in order and make a variety of food for our first party, which was this past Saturday. We had ten people show up, including FI's friends who got married in July. They came only to the second movie, which was The Changeling, a 1980's really creepy ghost story that had a limited release. FI's friend (we'll call him John) and his wife (we'll call her Joan), came in, said barely anything to anyone, and then when the movie started began making really rude comments. Now, I know not every movie is for every person, but it's not like they didn't have a movie description posted online for them to look at before coming. The whole time Joan made comments like, "ghost movies are stupid. Everyone knows ghosts aren't real" and "This movie is sooo dumb because it has no special effects". It was distracting and her negativity pissed everyone off.

After the movie, they got up and left immediately without saying a word to anyone except, "Thanks for showing us such a crappy movie". Everyone was kind of in shock, but blew it off (I didn't want to talk about guests to other guests, so I changed the subject pretty quickly).

On Monday, FI gets a call from John, expressing how much he and Joan hated the movie and how terrible they thought our party was because of that movie. Again, I know everyone has different taste, but calling someone to tell them how much their party sucked after being offered multiple movie options, great food and free drinks is so incredibly rude. FI didn't say anything to him on the phone "for fear of hurting their friendship." Needless to say, I was seething.

Then, on Wednesday John calls again to say, "I realize that Joan's behavior was weird at the party. She's from the country and doesn't like being around people who she doesn't know. We'll definitely be at the next one though." Then he hung up. Again, WTF??!!! She knew 9 of the 10 people there! And I'm sorry, but being "from the country" is not an excuse for being rude. Not to mention, I DO NOT want them to come to the next one, but they've already been invited and I'm going to be the bigger person and graciously welcome them the next time. I just won't be happy about doing it.

And did I mention, we still haven't gotten a thank you card from them for the wedding gift we gave them 3 months ago?!

I really just needed to vent about this, and maybe get some advice. What would you do if this happened to you? If they show up to the next one and act the same way, do I say something to them or just let it go?

ETA: clarification purposes

NavyBlue143 · October 2013

I'm the type of person who, if they came again and started making comments, would tell them if they didn't like it, leave, or hush up because the rest of my guests are trying to enjoy themselves and don't need distracting commentary. And if they called and ranted about how shitty my party was, would tell them they didn't have to worry about coming to the next one if they were going to insult me.

Cokezerofreak · October 2013

I agree with NavyBlue, they are ruining the experience for everyone and being horribly rude to you. Tell them up front that you've given them the name and plot line of the movies. If it's not something they think they'll like, they either need to not come or keep their comments to themselves.

And you can't expect someone who insults a host about a party to actually send out "Thank you" cards.

climbingsingle · October 2013

Holy jeez. What an incredibly rude couple!

I had sort of a similar situation. I became friends with a neighbor and her behavior at every event I invited her to was awful. I'm the kind of person that avoids confrontation, so I just sort of phased her out. She got the hint eventually. But that's probably terrible advice.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

1) you will probably never get a thank you card from these people. I would not hold your breath.

2) At least you know not to invite them to parties anymore.

aurorajanette · October 2013

Thanks everyone for saying what I've been thinking all along. I was starting to think I was crazy because FI said I was overreacting to the situation. I'm sorry but no I don't want you coming to my house, drinking my wine and eating my food after you've already told me how shitty you thought my party was in the first place. Doesn't seem like too much of an overreaction to me.

carissaroberts · October 2013

I wonder if there is something wrong with their marriage for them to be acting this way? Were they like this before they got married? Who knows but definitely so rude of them. That's weird that they would even want to come to the next party after all the bitching.

However...what a great idea for a halloween shindig!! I love scary movies! Do you watch American Horror Story? It sounds like something you and your FI might enjoy together!

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Honestly, if they come to the next one and start making comments, I would pause the movie, confront then and say, 'You are ruining this movie for the rest of our guests. Since it's clear you don't like it, we will wait while you leave.' And then I would make them leave.

If you think this sounds like public shaming, you're right. I'm a big believer in actions having consequences, and the consequence of the action of being an asshole is that you get asked to leave fun parties because you're being an asshole and people don't like you.

Also, if I'm one of your other guests, I'm gonna stop coming to these parties if John and Joan are there, because they sound like buzzkills and not fun people.

GypsyWife_ · October 2013

How awkward. Thats why I don't have parties too much anymore. Something like that always happens. Except for my last BBQ I threw was awesome because everyone had.similar personalities.
You can pick and choose friends and after October you don't have to hang out with them anymore. Chuck it up to experience . Cool party though.

Grabows14 · October 2013

Maybe they never got your gift and they are acting like jerks because of it.

I wouldn't invite them again.

grumbledore · October 2013

aurorajanette said:

Thanks everyone for saying what I've been thinking all along. I was starting to think I was crazy because FI said I was overreacting to the situation. I'm sorry but no I don't want you coming to my house, drinking my wine and eating my food after you've already told me how shitty you thought my party was in the first place. Doesn't seem like too much of an overreaction to me.

You're not overreacting - they sound horrible. I wouldn't invite them to my house again after that to be honest. If you've already invited them, then I guess suck it up but one more chance is the most they'd get out of me.

erinlin25 · October 2013

ew, they were rude for sure. I would give them another chance but if they act rude in any way at the next movie night I would kindly ask them to leave right there and then. Maybe ask them since they disliked the movie so much last time if they have suggestions of what to play next time?

aurorajanette · October 2013

Grabows14 said:

Maybe they never got your gift and they are acting like jerks because of it.

I wouldn't invite them again.

It was a check. They cashed it the day after the wedding, so they definitely got it!

JessicaJupiter · October 2013

I would just like to say that just because you know 90% of the people at a party doesn't mean you can function. My FI and I often seem awkward and sometimes rude at family/friendly gatherings because my social anxiety disorder kicks in (even though I know all of them) and we always make an early exit. Perhaps that is why they were being rude, they thought they were being funny to cover their feelings.

Perhaps you should have a more private get together with them. Mention the wedding and casually bring up how you hope they enjoyed your gift. If they act rude or don't even thank you then you'll know they aren't friends you want, but if they are much nicer and thank you then you'll know they just aren't people to have over with other guests.

I just wouldn't jump to invite them to movie showings if that clearly isn't their thing, they might have had their expectations of this party set a little too high.

katieg520 · October 2013

@JessicaJupiter wonderful suggestion!!!!

thefuturemrshawks · October 2013

1. I would love to come to a party like that, it sounds so fun!

2. Sorry they were rude and ruined your party, I would be pretty upset about that too. I don't think you're overreacting.

Hope your next party goes better!

MissMolly · October 2013

Well, I don't really see this as a big deal, and if it made your guests that ticked off, that's not your issue, that's their issue. You can't control the way others react, behave, say, etc., so I guess if they bother you that much, don't keep inviting them to the parties. Or, change the date of it, and don't let them know. Or, flat out tell them that you find their behaviour bothersome.

aurorajanette · October 2013

@Aleshad1978 it's not that I want to control the way they act, I was just venting, because it's extremely frustrating pouring money, time and energy into a party like that and then having people act like jerks. And I wouldn't say other guests were "ticked off" as much as they were just uncomfortable with their behavior (as I think many people would be). I realize that we can't control the way people act, but I'd prefer to not be disrespected in my own home.

@JessicaJupiter I agree with your suggestion that it could be a social anxiety (although unlikely as she goes to all parties and events with our friends and has never acted this way), and I was totally going to write off what happened when they were actually at the party... until John called FI and told him that they had such a terrible time. I thought that was particularly hurtful.

I will say, time has healed this somewhat, although I am still appalled about both of their behavior. FI spoke with John the other day and told him that they were still welcome to come to all other parties, but that if they feel they will be so negatively impacted by the experience, they should stay home and refrain from acting like assholes (he said it in a more diplomatic way). I will give them the benefit of the doubt if they come again, but have made it clear to FI that if this incident was not a one-time thing, he can count me out of that friendship for good.

Thanks to everyone for your support and for saying our parties sound fun! I really appreciate it.

wajohnson09 · October 2013

Your party sounds awesome. You most definitely are not overreacting. John and Joan need to take a lesson from Thumper.

Jen4948 · October 2013

I myself wouldn't invite them again, but if it's too late for that, tell Joan, "Joan, this is not MST3K. Please keep negative commentary to yourself."

ktjanesmom · November 2013

On a related note...these parties are such a fun idea. But why do you feel the need to provide all of the refreshments? Cant everyone bring something? But yes, your friends are very rude to say the least.

aurorajanette · November 2013

ktjanesmom said:

On a related note...these parties are such a fun idea. But why do you feel the need to provide all of the refreshments? Cant everyone bring something? But yes, your friends are very rude to say the least.

Thanks! They were fun parties despite the rude couple.

People are always welcome to bring something to parties that I have, but I don't want to rely on them to do that, so I also make sure to have enough refreshments for everyone if no one brings anything. Typically, I make food and all of my friends show up with something, either a dessert, snack or wine, and FI's friends always show up empty handed. I don't bother asking them to bring anything because even if I did, FI's friends wouldn't bring anything, and we'd be short on food. They don't even provide food at their own parties. Food is typically only at their parties when brought in by someone else, like myself. They are an extremely immature group of guys who still rely on their parent for everything from housing to cellphone bill payments and many even still ask their parents for money before going out with friends, like middle school children (they are in their late 20's, btw). Thankfully, FI isn't that way.

My_Matt · November 2013

Why on god's green earth would you want to be friends with people like that?? I wouldn't invite them to any other functions. Personally, I'd tell them to kick rocks.

Vivandiere8 · November 2013

So did they come back again? Did they behave?

aurorajanette · November 2013

John came back to the final party, but Joan "refuses" to step foot in our home again, according to John. When John came to the third party, he did really say much, just came, watched the movies, ate a few brownies and left afterwards, so not a big deal. Although he did make a big point of telling us that Joan never wants to come over again.

FI got really really pissed about that and after everyone left called John and left him a message asking basically what Joan's problem is, since she was properly hosted and everyone at the party made attempts to socialize with her. John never called back. I'm thinking that she is possibly embarrassed by her behavior at the first party and didn't want to show her face.

We did end up getting a thank you card from them. It was hand-delivered by John on the night of the third party, and was signed: "Love, Joan and John", so we're definitely getting mixed messages there.

I think we're both pretty much done with them at this point.

marshmallow1982 · November 2013

So why does Joan never want to set foot in your house again when you were so kind to her? That's so weird, did you ever hear back from John?

aurorajanette · November 2013

marshmallow1982 said:

So why does Joan never want to set foot in your house again when you were so kind to her? That's so weird, did you ever hear back from John?

We did hear back from John. He finally called FI and said something along the lines of, "Yeah, Joan can come off as a bitch sometimes, because she doesn't interact with many people outside of her family, so she has no idea that she's being perceived as rude." It was an unusual response, but at least he recognized that she was being rude. He did not elaborate on why she won't come over again. I do think that she realized that her behavior was really rude, and now she's embarrassed to see us again.

Amyzen83 · November 2013

Hmmm... Maybe she does have some kind of anxiety issue, granted even if this is the case, rudeness is never excusable and she should be the one to apologize for her behavior. It doesn't even sound like her husband is apologizing for both of them, instead it seems like he's just making excuses for her awful behavior. Either way, her not wanting to visit anymore is only good news for you both. Your parties sound awesome btw and sound like something FI and I like to do!

HaileyDancingbear · November 2013

Aaaaand WHY are you guys friends with these jerks? To be completely blunt I would ditch them as friends. Life is too short to deal with that bullshit, there are too many nice people in the world to have to settle for jerks as friends. If you ever want to have a "Sit around and complain for no reason and insult people" party, invite them. Other than that, I'd just stop talking to them.

MadHops21 · November 2013

OP, thank you so much for updating us! I love when threads begin and end like this! I'm always intrigued how things end on these threads.

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