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Then don't live with anyone, dude.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
I'm a 39-year-old man who has never been in a relationship that's gotten serious enough to discuss cohabitation. My partner “Beth,” a 41-year-old woman, is in the same boat. We've been dating six months and are now discussing renting a home together, as something of a marriage trial run. But the thought of coming home to someone every night exhausts me. I just need to completely unplug and be alone with my thoughts. I've always scoffed at guys who shy away from commitment, but I'm definitely a person who needs alone time once or twice a week. I’ve started to get squeamish at the thought of spending every evening together instead of the four or five per week we do now. I'm truly in love with Beth and enjoy our time together. But how do I get past this? Is there a way to share our lives and still have some "me" time?

—Trying Not to Be Alone Forever

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Re: Then don't live with anyone, dude.

  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    yes, you can talk to beth about your needs.

    dh and i had a lot of alone time in a 1br apt, and we still do. it's called "communicationing."

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  • Grabows14Grabows14 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I agree hmonkey, dude needs to talk.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I also have to say, even if the other person is, shall we say, not inclined to need or easily give alone time, you kind of learn to tune it out and be alone with your thoughts with him two feet away.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    No wonder he's 39 and never lived with anyone. Jeez. We have three introverts in the house, and you can find us all in separate rooms, doing separate things, between work/school and dinner. It's not hard to arrange. 
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Kuus has nailed it.
    Not everyone takes up 'brain space' when they sit 2' away.
    You find people who can don't take space, yu get tolerant of the brain space they do take.

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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    My fiance and I actually talked about this very thing before we moved in together. Luckily, after he brought it up, I had a huge sigh of relief b/c I too had been worrying. I have always lived alone. Never had a roommate in college, etc. I adore my alone time!! After my daughter goes to bed at night, I love the quiet and being left alone. Luckily, he had the same concern, so we totally get it when the other person needs to be in another room. Just open your mouth and say something!
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