Dear Prudence,
I am the co-chair of a daylong cultural and educational event at a local
college. Our budget is small, and we have people from out of town, and
over the years my elderly widowed mother has allowed me to put up some
of the out-of-town speakers at her large and nice house. I also throw a
reception at her house. Preparing for this is frantic and stressful.
This year, five guests were staying at my mother’s. Two days before the
event, I went to her house, stripped the beds, and washed all of the
sheets and towels necessary for the guests. I placed the folded clean
sheets, pillowcases, and towels on each bed, figuring that each guest
could make his or her own bed. She felt not making the bed was tacky,
and since it was her house (as she frequently reminds me), she could
make the rules. We had a huge fight, and I left without making the beds.
Acting the martyr, she got my brother’s girlfriend to help her make all
of the beds. After the event, I stripped all of the beds and put the
linens in the washing machine. My mother then wanted me to come back and
remake all of the beds and fold the towels. I declined. My brothers
often host overnight guests and have even thrown large parties there,
and I have never heard her make housekeeping demands of them. Now my
mother has informed me that I cannot host any guests at her house in the
future. So my three questions are: Is it socially acceptable to place
clean, folded sheets on the bed and expect my guests to make their own
beds? Am I wrong to feel angry at my mother for making a big deal about a
trivial issue when I had more important things to deal with? And isn’t
she being a big jerk for having a double standard between me and my
brothers? The fabric of our relationship is rent over sheets.
Suggestions?