Is it ever okay to "uninvite" someone? Update:

Re: Is it ever okay to "uninvite" someone? Update:

• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2013

  Yes you should still invite them.  You and your FI should be the bigger people in this situation.  Leave it up to the couple to decide whether or not they would like to attend.

  
  

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• Liatris2010 mod

  

  October 2013

  I would invite them. If the don't want to come, they will decline.
  

  

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• KeptInStitches member

  

  October 2013

  Send them the invite. They're free to decline, and even if they come, you probably won't see much of them the day of, anyway.

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  October 2013

  In this case, I would still invite them. Be the bigger people. It sounds like they won't come anyway.
  
  But more broadly speaking, it is rarely OK to uninvite someone. Exceptions are if they have threatened bodily harm to someone who will be at the wedding, if they have made a pass at you or your SO, if you've recently found out they're convicted of pedophilia, etc.
  
  There are exceptions, but it's very rare.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  October 2013

  Invite them. 

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• grumbledore member

  

  October 2013

  Maggie0829 said:

  Yes you should still invite them.  You and your FI should be the bigger people in this situation.  Leave it up to the couple to decide whether or not they would like to attend.

  This.  I feel like there have been a lot of things going haywire with your wedding this week - hope it all works out.  Definitely don't uninvite anyone.  The only time it's ever appropriate, imo, is if the person has done something sufficiently heinous/criminal that it would be unsafe to have them there and you are ready to end the relationship.

  
  

  

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• annathy03 member

  

  October 2013

  I would still send them the invitation, and if they say anything further to FI implying they don't want to attend he can always remind them that it's an invitation and not a jury summons.

  
  

  But like PP said, unless they've threatened or attempted bodily harm, tried to break you up, or were recently convicted of a crime that places your other guests at risk (theft, etc), then uninviting them is stooping to their level.

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• Iloveshanej member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  Things have definitely gone crazy this week with our wedding but we've seemed to resolve everything but this. They have already received an invitation. The usher did threaten my FI in the long text he sent but we're not terribly concerned about it because he is the type to have a big bark but little bite. I think most of you are right. They probably won't come anyway if they won't even speak to us right now so it probably won't even be an issue. I just don't want any drama the day of. I just wish they would call us back and talk things out but we can't make them do anything so I guess we will just hope for the best and move on. Thanks for the advice!

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  October 2013

  Since your RSVP date is this Saturday, I assume you have already mailed the invite. I'm not sure why you've been contacting them about this if he texted your FI, but I would have him reply with "of course you are still invited. Recent drama aside, we've been friends for a long time. Whatever you decide is fine, just mail us back the RSVP card". Or, if your FI doesn't want to maintain the relationship, I'd just wait and see if they RSVP. You aren't really uninviting them if you sent them an invite with everyone else. Its fine if they decide not to come.
  

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• manateehugger member

  

  October 2013

  If you already sent the invite, just let it be. Uninviting them now is just inviting unnecessary drama. They probably wont come, and if they do, hopefully they will be civil enough. You'll be so busy the day of, you might barely notice if they show or not. 

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2013

  I'd just leave it be. They probably won't show up. 

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  October 2013

  PP's got it covered, let the invite ride as is, if they show up you thank them for coming and move on.  If they don't show up you have no reason to worry.  Enjoy your big day.

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• Iloveshanej member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  STARMOON44 said:

  Since your RSVP date is this Saturday, I assume you have already mailed the invite. I'm not sure why you've been contacting them about this if he texted your FI, but I would have him reply with "of course you are still invited. Recent drama aside, we've been friends for a long time. Whatever you decide is fine, just mail us back the RSVP card". Or, if your FI doesn't want to maintain the relationship, I'd just wait and see if they RSVP. You aren't really uninviting them if you sent them an invite with everyone else. Its fine if they decide not to come.

  We haven't been contacting them about their RSVP. We contacted them once about the text my FI received as well as a message I received from the usher's girlfriend. Since we didn't know where it was all coming from we were trying to talk it over and try to resolve things. 

  
  

  I saw her today and she flipped my off, then she texted me and said I better not come near her again or she would kick my butt...real mature. I was driving down the road....sorry but I'm not going to stop driving on a public road because she says so and it's not like I knew she would be there, haha! I was driving the other direction. We're both in our 30's and both mothers. This is the most ridiculous behavior I have ever seen. They have really revealed their true personalities. I'm pretty sure they won't be coming. I don't think my FI will even consider it now. 

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• WildMagelet member

  

  October 2013

  Iloveshanej said:

  I saw her today and she flipped my off, then she texted me and said I better not come near her again or she would kick my butt...real mature. I was driving down the road....sorry but I'm not going to stop driving on a public road because she says so and it's not like I knew she would be there, haha! I was driving the other direction. We're both in our 30's and both mothers. This is the most ridiculous behavior I have ever seen. They have really revealed their true personalities. I'm pretty sure they won't be coming. I don't think my FI will even consider it now. 

  Wow.  That's totally random hostile & crazy behavior.  I would want to know what "we did" to warrant their reactions but at some point you also have to evaluate if you want people like that in your lives.  My guess would be no.

  Formerly known as flutterbride2b

  
  

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• smalfrie19 member

  

  October 2013

  Iloveshanej said:

  Here's the situation, we had an usher drop out of our wedding and was extremely hateful to my fiance for unknown reasons. It came completely out of left field. His girlfriend has also been rude to me since. The usher sehent my FI a text saying if we still wanted them to attend fine but if not they wished us well. There is tension there and I definitely don't want any drama regarding this or on our wedding day. I know it's not proper etiquette to "univite" someone but at this point they've somewhat "uninvited" themselves and I don't know what to do. Should I just go with proper etiquette and count them on the guest list or not? I've try to contact them and resolve the issue but haven't gotten any response. I'm definitely at a loss on this one!

  
  

  -Update: So the real true came out this afternoon. Apparently (see my last post) after I saw the usher's girlfriend, he called my FI and said that he was sorry for everything. He went on to say that he and his girlfriend had an argument the day he met with my FI because she got mad that they've been together longer and he hasn't proposed to her. He also claimed that she threatened to leave him if he was in our wedding. WTF? Grow up. My FI told him that he was welcome at the wedding but he and I were hurt by their actions. The friend apologized but said they wouldn't be at the wedding because his girlfriend wouldn't allow it. Controlling much? Last time I checked he was a grown man, not a child. Oh well, that's their drama to figure out but it's extremely strange to me. So that is resolved. Ridiculously crazy but resolved. 

  
  I love how mature people are... I think he needs to get out of that relationship FAST!

  

  
  

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• Iloveshanej member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  flutterbride2b said:

  Iloveshanej said:

  I saw her today and she flipped my off, then she texted me and said I better not come near her again or she would kick my butt...real mature. I was driving down the road....sorry but I'm not going to stop driving on a public road because she says so and it's not like I knew she would be there, haha! I was driving the other direction. We're both in our 30's and both mothers. This is the most ridiculous behavior I have ever seen. They have really revealed their true personalities. I'm pretty sure they won't be coming. I don't think my FI will even consider it now. 

  Wow.  That's totally random hostile & crazy behavior.  I would want to know what "we did" to warrant their reactions but at some point you also have to evaluate if you want people like that in your lives.  My guess would be no.

  I posted an update in my OP. Basically the girlfriend has gone of the deep end and the "friend" doesn't have the balls to stand up for himself. We definitely don't want people like that in our lives and we have definitely realized that. I'm just glad it all happened before and not the day of.

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• Iloveshanej member

  

  October 2013

  smalfrie19 said:

  Iloveshanej said:

  Here's the situation, we had an usher drop out of our wedding and was extremely hateful to my fiance for unknown reasons. It came completely out of left field. His girlfriend has also been rude to me since. The usher sehent my FI a text saying if we still wanted them to attend fine but if not they wished us well. There is tension there and I definitely don't want any drama regarding this or on our wedding day. I know it's not proper etiquette to "univite" someone but at this point they've somewhat "uninvited" themselves and I don't know what to do. Should I just go with proper etiquette and count them on the guest list or not? I've try to contact them and resolve the issue but haven't gotten any response. I'm definitely at a loss on this one!

  
  

  -Update: So the real true came out this afternoon. Apparently (see my last post) after I saw the usher's girlfriend, he called my FI and said that he was sorry for everything. He went on to say that he and his girlfriend had an argument the day he met with my FI because she got mad that they've been together longer and he hasn't proposed to her. He also claimed that she threatened to leave him if he was in our wedding. WTF? Grow up. My FI told him that he was welcome at the wedding but he and I were hurt by their actions. The friend apologized but said they wouldn't be at the wedding because his girlfriend wouldn't allow it. Controlling much? Last time I checked he was a grown man, not a child. Oh well, that's their drama to figure out but it's extremely strange to me. So that is resolved. Ridiculously crazy but resolved. 

  
  I love how mature people are... I think he needs to get out of that relationship FAST!

  That was our reaction too! Both my FI and I said at the same time to each other, "Wow, he needs get out of that relationship now!"

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• wrigleyville member

  

  October 2013

  That's crazy. FI and I were together for four years before he proposed. We went to the weddings of friends who'd met and gotten engaged during that time period, but it never bothered me. I knew FI wanted to wait, and I respected that. We were together and in love, and that's all that mattered. It didn't mean he loved me any less.

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• Iloveshanej member

  

  October 2013

  wrigleyville said:

  That's crazy. FI and I were together for four years before he proposed. We went to the weddings of friends who'd met and gotten engaged during that time period, but it never bothered me. I knew FI wanted to wait, and I respected that. We were together and in love, and that's all that mattered. It didn't mean he loved me any less.

  I agree!

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• allispain member

  

  October 2013

  Wow. Just. Wow.

  
  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  October 2013

  I wonder why he doesn't want to marry her? (*sarcasm)

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Iloveshanej member

  

  October 2013

  laurynm84 said:

  I wonder why he doesn't want to marry her? (*sarcasm)

  My thought exactly!!!!

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• ei34 member

  

  October 2013

  Yikes, dicey.  I'd invite them anyway and leave it up to them to accept or decline.

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• Iloveshanej member

  

  October 2013

  eileenrob said:

  Yikes, dicey.  I'd invite them anyway and leave it up to them to accept or decline.

  They've uninvited themselves without a word being said to them about it. 

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• marshmallow1982 member

  

  October 2013

  but there must be something more to it than that!

  Boycotting a wedding because a couple have been together a shorter time than you?! what about these couples that get engaged after two weeks what would she do if she was faced with a situation like that?

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• Iloveshanej member

  

  October 2013

  marshmallow1982 said:

  but there must be something more to it than that!

  Boycotting a wedding because a couple have been together a shorter time than you?! what about these couples that get engaged after two weeks what would she do if she was faced with a situation like that?

  It's actually nothing more then that. She's just that type of person and has been married once before so I guess she has insecurities about things. 

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