Catfish

Aschive · October 2013

Hi ladies!

I wanted to start a thread about catfish. I had not heard about it until I saw a commercial for the show Catfish on MTV. Any of you watch it? Heard of it? Met a catfish? Know someone who has?

I have a cousin who has only dated people through the internet from different states. Her latest one said he is from Washington, and recently moved to Illinois, but hasn't made it up here because the Realtor and renters/owners of the house they are moving into were not on the same page. This was supposed to happen a week ago. He still hasn't moved in. So I want to figure out if he is the real thing or not. I know it is not my business but I don't want her to get hurt physically (if she goes to his place by herself) or emotionally.

I think it is a very interesting topic, since a lot of today's society is virtual.

Have a great rest of the week!

bethsmiles · October 2013

I've only heard of catfish in terms of the fish...that you eat.

bride2b71614 · October 2013

Just out of curiosity how old is your cousin? Which site does she use to meet them? Maybe your cousin is more comfortable with having that distance online, and doesn't actually want to be in a real life relationship? Has she ever met any of the people she's been in relationships with online? If she chooses to meet him, please advise her that they should meet in a crowded public area during the day, she should have a security plan in place, and maybe have someone to go with her. I understand your concern for her safety, but maybe this is the norm for her. Maybe she doesn't even want to meet him....

I've seen both the movie and the show. The difference between Nev (the catfished guy) and the new catfishees, is that he was famous prior to the movie (an art photographer with the occasional gig in a magazine). He was duped in a different sense (a woman was sending him actual paintings of his photographs, and then used facebook to catfish him). There was a semi-relationship before the catfishing took place, because they spoke over the phone rather than through just facebook. About half way through the movie, Nev wants to stop filming because he realizes the person is crazy and doesn't want to pursue them. His brother convinces him to keep going despite the fact that he is uncomfortable. While a majority of the people on the show are young, their story is usually the same. Someone is friended by a stranger and then they get into an online relationship, things spin out of control, one person hurts the other by using them for money, etc. and then the catfishee is surprised when the person at the other end of the computer isn't who they said they are! What baffles me is why they continue even when they are feeling that there is clearly sketchy behavior going on...If Catfish has taught us anything, its to not use facebook as a dating platform.

KeptInStitches · October 2013

And all that comes to mind for me is Roniah Tuiasosopo, which then sends me off looking for the mashup of Jon Stewart making fun of Manti Te'o and Roniah Tuiasosopo when I should be off to bed.

Aschive · October 2013

She is almost 21 and has been meeting guys like this for probably 5 years.

No she has never met any of them.

She has wanted to meet her other BFs, and has had plans of moving in together with some, and she so badly wants to meet her current BF, but everyone says there is something off. She doesn't see it.

I have only watched the MTV show twice. (Maybe only once.)

I know that she doesn't take care of herself and that is why I am worried about her emotionally, I hate it when people make fun of her.

She is really into anime, I think she meets them through a community site, like IMVU, or something like that. Not even 50% sure that is right.

He has already blown her off by not coming up for a wedding, and she says he is planning on visiting her for Halloween. (Really? It is not like Halloween is even a Government holiday. Sorry but I really dislike Halloween now that I have outgrown the trick-or-treating aspect of it.)

As far as not using Facebook as a dating platform, that is how I met my BF. I know we have issues but we agreed to go to counseling to work on our communication before just giving up....(I am crazy as well so I was not ready to let go yet.) So I believe it all depends on how you go about meeting people on there.

bride2b71614 · October 2013

@aschive, did he randomly request you, and not want to meet up? Was your bf the same guy in the pics? Obviously you met up and things were okay. Thats a rare event. The thing is, most of the catfishees don't question things until shit gets real, or they get taken advantage of. I am not saying that its improper, its just when things get sketchy and people still continue is the issue.

Aschive · October 2013

@bride2b71614 I am not trying to prove you wrong! I was just stating my experience. Sorry! I know that I am lucky it turned out ok. I don't know how to make her realize that this probably isn't the right thing for her, but I don't want to intrude if it is what is meant to be.

beanbot2002 · October 2013

I am so lost and all I can think of is fried catfish. You know, the kind you eat.

ETA : @bethsmiles i2i

GoldenPenguin · October 2013

I LOVE the tv show. BF & I watch it every week. It's so uncomfortable sometimes, and most of the time I can't figure out how these people haven't figured out that they're being duped.

buddysmom80 · October 2013

I DVR the show, I'm the same as @brisox81, I wonder how they didn't figure out something was up. I guess people just have their rose-colored glasses on sometimes.

bride2b71614 · October 2013

@aschive, don't worry about it, I wasn't trying to prove you wrong either! I am just saying that you are very lucky that he didn't turn out to be some total sketch ball who deceived you. Most people aren't as fortunate. I feel for the people who were duped by a catfish. So far on the TV show, there have been two cases in which the person on the other end wasn't a catfish. One worked out, the other didn't. I think the worst part is that the catfish usually finds someone in a vulnerable position, or is in a vulnerable position themselves (ie they were in treatment for self harm, lost a family member recently, or facing a serious mental illness). The catfish could go one of two ways, they either extort the other person because they are vulnerable, OR the catfish uses the relationship as a coping mechanism for themselves. This becomes an issue because their behavior is affecting another person, and they usually fail to realize how fucked up that is. This is evident once the person meets the catfish for the first time and the catfish barely shows remorse when they are confronted. Overall, you are very lucky not to be in the same position as the people on the show. As for your cousin, as long as she takes safety precautions she should be okay. I would even suggest you offer to go with her.

bethsmiles · October 2013

@beanbot2002 - I'm glad someone else is as confused about this as I am! I don't keep up with pop culture enough.

leia1979 · October 2013

I'm with bean and beth. I thought this was going to be a thread about fish.

Aschive · October 2013

Haha sorry ladies, I hate fish so no luck on a thread about fish coming from me!

I would love to go with her, but I don't want to be put in that situation. Being there when it all falls apart, or on the other hand being the third wheel if it happened to work out.

MobKaz · October 2013

This story was ALL over the news last winter, from print, television, cable, internet, and magazine covers. I don't know how it could be missed by anyone....

http://deadspin.com/manti-teos-dead-girlfriend-the-most-heartbreaking-an-5976517

bethsmiles · October 2013

mobkaz said:

This story was ALL over the news last winter, from print, television, cable, internet, and magazine covers. I don't know how it could be missed by anyone....

http://deadspin.com/manti-teos-dead-girlfriend-the-most-heartbreaking-an-5976517

I didn't miss, quite frankly I didn't care about it so I didn't follow it. It's pretty easy to change the channel, not look at a magazine, or skip clicking on a link.

KeptInStitches · October 2013

I only followed the Manti Te'o thing because it was so freaking funny. Oh come now, comedy = tragedy + time, plus Jon Stewart can skewer anything into hilarious.

beanbot2002 · October 2013

@mobkaz I heard about this dead 'girlfriend' and the little scam the male friend had played on the football player. Did I know that it was called "Catfishing"? Nope. Never saw it written in either of the CNN or Washington Post articles that I read regarding the matter (I read exactly 2 articles on it, one from each source provided). I can't keep up with all those new fandangle terms kids come up with these days. In fact, I STILL don't know what the term means. Has anyone 'defined' it yet in this thread?

KeptInStitches · October 2013

@beanbot2002, basically catfishing is faking an internet personality and entire social circle in order to trick people into romantic relationships. Never leaves the internet, usually they'll say that skype isn't working when they try to skype, photos are pulled from Google Images, etc.

buddysmom80 · October 2013

@beanbot, Catfish was the name of the original movie. I watched it over a year ago while recovering from a procedure and taking a lot of Vicodin, but from what I remember, the woman's family who was tricking the filmmaker (Nev) compared the woman to a catfish; an animal that's like a bottom feeder waiting for the next scrap to take advantage of.

I could be wayyyyy off on this, so if someone wants to correct me, be my guest.

Also when I think of a catfish I think of hillbilly handfishing.

beanbot2002 · October 2013

I would just call it 'scamming'. I'm obviously old. Ha!

leia1979 · October 2013

@beanbot2002, I'm right there with you. Let's be old ladies together.

I heard about the Manti Teo thing, but not the term. TIL.

lilyandsparrow · October 2013

I met my hunny on pof.com, lol!

I was about to move to a state 12 hours away so I didn't want to date anyone around me, but I did want to check out the men here. I wasn't really intending to find a relationship but we talked every day for a few months, then met up for a date, then I came down for a weeklong visit/to scope out houses and buildings for my business, and by the time I moved we were so close he flew up, packed up my house for me, and drove us down. We've spent every day together ever since, and it's coming up on a year. We sometimes watch Catfish and wonder how people fall in love over the internet.. though we met online, we didn't flirt, discuss relationships, or have romantic feelings until we met in person.

katieg520 · October 2013

I have never dated or met anyone online, but I have been the person that someone impersonated. My pictures were stolen by a female relative off my facebook and then she impersonated me (with my real name, age, location, etc) on another facebook page, match.com, and plenty of fish.com. I figured it out after having received dozens of roses from unknown men, and other things happening to me. I also had a strange man show up at my house insisting he knew me. It was so scary and I ended up pressing charges on this woman. She is currently waiting on trial.

bride2b71614 · October 2013

It's sad and scary that I know so much about this show/movie. I guess I know more about it because of FI's friends and has connections with people who were responsible for the movie, and because I had my pictures used by a catfish for their profile (thank goodness for my friend who informed me as to what was going on and it stopped before it got worse).

@katieg520 Holy crap thats horrible! Its awful that a relative would go through the trouble of creating all these profiles and put you in danger as a result. Usually a catfish will reap the benefits only for themselves. Typically, a catfish would have the flowers sent to their address instead of yours, if they create profiles their location is often unspecified and not exact (using a city and a state rather than a name, surname, xyz street/ave/dr/, state, state zipcode format), and they will only communicate online/through texting/phone calls and will make excuses to avoid meeting a person in real life. From what you told us, her behavior is way worse than anything I've seen on the show. I'm glad that you are safe now. I am so sorry this happened to you, and I hope your relative is penalized to the fullest extent for what she's done.

katieg520 · October 2013

Thanks! It was definitely personal due to some family drama. I never really got to ask her why because she denied it even after it was proven when the police seized her computer and phones.

lilyandsparrow · October 2013

Creepy!

bride2b71614 · October 2013

@katieg520, I wouldn't speak to her at this point unless you are in court and testifying against her. Its one of those things you may never get closure on, at this point the most important thing is to prevent doing this to others (as sucky as that may sound). Again, I am so glad you are safe now. Good luck!

katieg520 · October 2013

Oh there is a protection order. She and her son (who was in on it) are not allowed to contact me in any way. There is a court appointed victim advocate in case I did need someone to relay a message or have concerns. I just kinda put it in God's hands and let Him do the job of revenge. His will be better than anything I could ever do anyway, lol. @bride2b71614

Hobada · October 2013

I met two people on the internet and it was good for me. The first one taught me about myself and the second taught me about love. I use to catfish and such before facebook and before it was well known. I was young, insecure, and shy. I went a little too far a few times but it made me feel wanted. I was lucky with the two I actually met but they knew me really well. I would have been with the second one to this day but it didn't work out because of living in different places. I do believe people should be safe and be careful with people cAuse it's easy to be fooled. I think some of the episodes are fake though just for entertainment purposes.

Catfish

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