this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

Is it appropriate to ask a friend to be the DOC if I pay her?

thelastdreamerthelastdreamer member
500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
in Wedding Party
I've been looking at day of coordinators, and the more I think about it, the more I feel like I would much rather someone I know handle the details of the day. I know it's totally rude to give your friends jobs and call them honors. However, I have a friend from college who I'm thinking I might ask to be my DOC (paid of course). Her degree was in event planning, and I know she's never been a DOC before but I'm confident she would do an awesome job and has the skills necessary. 

My questions are then ...
1. Is it ok for me to ask her if she'd like to do this, making it clear she can say no and I won't be upset?
2. Since she doesn't do this regularly and have a set fee, should I just say "I can afford to pay you x" or "I have budgeted x, but we can talk about it further if you want." I don't want to just ask her what she'd charge because I know she'd say "You don't need to pay me, I'll do it as a friend!" and I do not want that. 

I know lots of people use their friends to be DJs, photographers, bakers, etc., which is more or less what this is. I'm not trying to give her a substitute job because she didn't make the cut to be a BM - I just need a DOC and would prefer it be someone I know. 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Is it appropriate to ask a friend to be the DOC if I pay her?

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    You can, but I would wonder about whether she'd rather attend your wedding as a guest. 
    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    For your venue, are you not working with an event coordinator?  I know some venues have them and others don't.  Typically if your venue does have one and you are working with them on your wedding they are usually the DOC.

    Was this girl going to be invited to your wedding?  If so then no I would not ask her to do this. She should be able to come to your wedding as a guest and enjoy herself.

    Now, if you weren't going to invite but you do think that she would be a great DOC for your wedding, then I do not see anything wrong with asking her.  I would first do some research to see what other DOCs in your area charge and then ask your friend if she would be willing to be your DOC in a vendor capacity (meaning that you will pay her).  If she says yes, then let her know you have done research in regards to DOCs and that you could pay her X amount but are willing to negotiate if need be.

    Report Reply
  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    What Maggie said! I actually did this same thing. We are having a very small wedding and our venue has a coordinator, but that's only the reception venue. I needed someone to help at the church and collect stuff at the end of the ceremony and a bunch of other little stuff that I didn't want to do on my wedding day and I didn't want to ask my BP or guests to do. The woman I asked wasn't going to be invited to the wedding and she offered to do it for free when I asked her, but I insisted on paying her. I had several friends and family members offer to do the stuff for me that she is going to do, but I didn't want any guests working at my wedding.
    image
    Report Reply
  • thelastdreamerthelastdreamer member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    Maggie0829 said:
    For your venue, are you not working with an event coordinator?  I know some venues have them and others don't.  Typically if your venue does have one and you are working with them on your wedding they are usually the DOC.

    Was this girl going to be invited to your wedding?  If so then no I would not ask her to do this. She should be able to come to your wedding as a guest and enjoy herself.

    Now, if you weren't going to invite but you do think that she would be a great DOC for your wedding, then I do not see anything wrong with asking her.  I would first do some research to see what other DOCs in your area charge and then ask your friend if she would be willing to be your DOC in a vendor capacity (meaning that you will pay her).  If she says yes, then let her know you have done research in regards to DOCs and that you could pay her X amount but are willing to negotiate if need be.
    We aren't working a DOC from our venue, unfortunately, I wish we were because that would make it easier. 

    As for whether or not she'd be invited, honestly, if I don't ask her at all then she probably won't get invited. We're friends but it was more of a "I respect you as a classmate and we work together well" friendship. 

    However, if I bring up the DOC thing to her, then I'm going to invite her regardless because if she says no, it would seem rude to be like "Well you can't come at all then," KWIM?

    Again - this girl never would have been a bridesmaid and likely wouldn't have been invited. I want to ask her because I think she'd do a good job, not because I think she needs to feel included or whatever. And because I'd rather someone I know do it than some stranger. 
    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    thelastdreamer said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    For your venue, are you not working with an event coordinator?  I know some venues have them and others don't.  Typically if your venue does have one and you are working with them on your wedding they are usually the DOC.

    Was this girl going to be invited to your wedding?  If so then no I would not ask her to do this. She should be able to come to your wedding as a guest and enjoy herself.

    Now, if you weren't going to invite but you do think that she would be a great DOC for your wedding, then I do not see anything wrong with asking her.  I would first do some research to see what other DOCs in your area charge and then ask your friend if she would be willing to be your DOC in a vendor capacity (meaning that you will pay her).  If she says yes, then let her know you have done research in regards to DOCs and that you could pay her X amount but are willing to negotiate if need be.
    We aren't working a DOC from our venue, unfortunately, I wish we were because that would make it easier. 

    As for whether or not she'd be invited, honestly, if I don't ask her at all then she probably won't get invited. We're friends but it was more of a "I respect you as a classmate and we work together well" friendship. 

    However, if I bring up the DOC thing to her, then I'm going to invite her regardless because if she says no, it would seem rude to be like "Well you can't come at all then," KWIM?

    Again - this girl never would have been a bridesmaid and likely wouldn't have been invited. I want to ask her because I think she'd do a good job, not because I think she needs to feel included or whatever. And because I'd rather someone I know do it than some stranger. 
    Make sure you tell her this when you ask her.  Tell her that you respect her skills and think that she would be an excellent DOC and would love to hire her as such.  You should keep it full on business when talking to her and treat her like any other vendor that you contact.

    If she says no, I don't think you should feel like you will then need to invite her.  If you keep your contact with her purely business then she shouldn't expect an invite if she says no.

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards