Gift Opening/Morning after Brunch

mimiphin · October 2013

I am still undecided on to whether to do one or not. He thinks it's kind of stupid to just sit there and open up gifts. We went to one where they didn't register and "just wanted $100 bills" and we just watched the couple open up card after card.

We are registering for gifts and all of our guests will have to travel so I want some way to say good bye.

I'm just curious what other Knotties are doing!

And also I have been told by family (Ahem Father) that "only dumb farm people bring gifts to a wedding, they should be sent a head of time so that the new couples house is set up". Every wedding I have gone to I have had gift in hand and haven't heard this from anyone else but him. Is this a past tradition or is dad just a whack job(which we already know but just more of a whack job)?

Thanks Ladies!!

RebeccaB88 · October 2013

It IS traditionally proper that gifts are sent to the couple ahead of the celebration. However, Dad is being too judgemental about it. Most of the time around here, guests show up with gift in hand. He needs to learn to be gracious about it and let it go.

mimiphin · October 2013

Oh I completely agree! Dad is an asshole in more ways than one, Believe me!

thisismynickname2 · October 2013

To Father- Judge much? Gosh. Well, around here most people either ship a gift ahead of time to the house or bring a card. I've rarely seen a gift table have any actual gift on it other than a card box.

Part of the problem with coming with a gift in hand is that you can't guarantee the gift will stay there or make it to a couple's car at the end of the night- or even stay matched with the card so the couple knows who gave it. I feel much more secure sending my gift-blender to your house (thanks to the wonders of modern registries it's so easy) and bringing a card with nice sentiments to the wedding.

Gift openings are boring, in my opinion. Use that brunch to socialize!

Jen4948 · October 2013

I agree that your dad is being an asshole, but I also agree with PPs that "gift openings" other than showers aren't fun for the guests, because there are so many more gifts to open and people get blase after a while.

Mingle and chat with your guests instead by way of saying good-bye.

katieg520 · October 2013

I would do a brunch the next day!

RebeccaB88 · October 2013

And in contrast, there are always gift tables here, and I'd never heard of a card box until TK. You're expected to designate a gift table attendant. A card box still doesn't sit well with me because it feels like you're (generic you) expecting people to put money in it, like a money tree or dollar dance.

ei34 · October 2013

Watching people open up gifts is boring. If you want to host a thank-you/farewell brunch as a send-off, that's a nice idea, but I wouldn't open presents and envelopes in front of the guests.

ashleyep · October 2013

If you want to open gifts, do it after the brunch with your immediate families. But I wouldn't subject everyone else to it.

banana468 · October 2013

Gift opening is a private thing for the newlyweds. I don't want to attend a gift opening or find out that my wedding gift to the couple was opened at a mass event. That said, brunch is wonderful!

OP, while your dad may be judgmental, he's right. However, a lot of people do being gifts or cards to weddings. We had an opaque card box on a table. ,

thisismynickname2 · October 2013

Maybe card boxes are a regional thing, I don't know. But money trees are totally a foreign concept where I am. A card box is nothing but a box to hold cards so they don't get lost/stolen/fall off the table, whatever. There's no expectation the card contains anything but lovely sentiments. It's not perceived as a money grab at all.

LDubHawksFan · October 2013

mimiphin said:
I am still undecided on to whether to do one or not. He thinks it's kind of stupid to just sit there and open up gifts. We went to one where they didn't register and "just wanted $100 bills" and we just watched the couple open up card after card.
We are registering for gifts and all of our guests will have to travel so I want some way to say good bye.
I'm just curious what other Knotties are doing!
And also I have been told by family (Ahem Father) that "only dumb farm people bring gifts to a wedding, they should be sent a head of time so that the new couples house is set up". Every wedding I have gone to I have had gift in hand and haven't heard this from anyone else but him. Is this a past tradition or is dad just a whack job(which we already know but just more of a whack job)?

Thanks Ladies!!

Technically it is proper guest etiquette for guests to send their gifts before the wedding. Our guest list was probably 2/3 before and 1/3 at the wedding of those guests who gave gifts.
As a guest, I hate going to breakfast gift openings. I'd much rather eat and maybe get to talk to the couple again than watch them open gifts. Compromise....just host a breakfast the next day to see off your guests.

thefuturemrshawks · October 2013

Where I'm from, most people just bring a boxed gift to the wedding. Also, card boxes aren't seen as money grabbing, it is just a way to make sure that all the cards are in one place and easy to transport from the reception.

My FI and I are doing the brunch the next morning for out of town guests. We are just doing food and stuff first to say goodbye to out of town guests. After we eat, people are free to leave, or they can stay while we open gifts if they choose. It is completely up to them.

daveANDkristen · October 2013

RebeccaB88 said:

And in contrast, there are always gift tables here, and I'd never heard of a card box until TK. You're expected to designate a gift table attendant. A card box still doesn't sit well with me because it feels like you're (generic you) expecting people to put money in it, like a money tree or dollar dance.

How is having a table available in case any guest brought a gift any more gift-grabby than having a box available in case any guest brought a card?

daveANDkristen · October 2013

eileenrob said:

Watching people open up gifts is boring. If you want to host a thank-you/farewell brunch as a send-off, that's a nice idea, but I wouldn't open presents and envelopes in front of the guests.

Agree. I really didn't want to open wedding gifts in front of anyone, but our moms wanted to watch. We invited my mom and DH's parents and grandmother over to eat leftover reception food and opened our gifts in front of them. We did not open the standalone cards because we did not want anyone asking how much this guest or that guest gave us. I would not have even considered opening the wedding gifts in front of many more people than that. The wedding is NOT about the gifts.

AddieCake · October 2013

We received all our gifts at the wedding; not a single one was sent to our home. As for a gift opening event post-wedding, think they are awkward.

manateehugger · October 2013

Ugh, FMIL is trying to convince us to do an event like this the day after the wedding.

I'm fine with a brunch, but there's no way I plan on opening all our gifts in front of mass amounts of extended family. If we do it with any "audience," I plan on it being immediate family only.

AroundTheBlock · October 2013

Well, your father's words are a little unkind to farm folk, calling them dumb and suggesting that they run to unsophistication, but he is quite right about the proper etiquette for sending wedding gifts, and even if he were not I would find myself reluctant to call anyone's parent a "whack job" even for the sake of agreeing. It isn't even past etiquette, at least not "past" anymore than any other common etiquette breach. Person after person comes to etiquette boards asking about etiquette breaches that they thought were "just fine", whether it be cash bars or registry cards in the invitation envelope, and those prohibitions do not become "past" etiquette just because so many people are ignorent of them. This one is not "past", either.

Your father's reasoning -- that you want to have your house set up ahead of time -- *is* a little passe, though. Nowadays it's a rare bride who hasn't had her marital home set up, and for that matter lived in as a couple, for months if not years. But it is still proper to send gifts where they can be opened discretely, to prevent the great gift-giving and coup-counting competition if for no other reason. And for that reason, gift-openings are egregious even if the couple do not need to set up their home ahead of time.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

Did your dad just call you a dumb farm person?

As a guest, I would not enjoy spending the next morning watching people open presents. But I would love a brunch and a chance to say goodbye and talk to people I didn't get to see during the wedding.

mimiphin · October 2013

Yeah, my Dad is a peach(rolls eyes) there are reasons he's not walking me down the aisle and why I moved out at 17! I should start a "why families suck" thread!
I like the idea of just having a brunch the next morning, it's a time to meet but doesn't have the same "show" factor.

mysticl · October 2013

The only gifts that were sent to us ahead of the wedding were from people who did not attend. MIL got to town the day before the wedding and dropped hers off at her son's house then (we did not move in together until the day after our wedding). All other gifts were brought to the reception except for a couple of friends who were staying at the same hotel as my parents. I went to their room the day after the wedding and opened their gifts there. My parents took the gifts/cards from the reception back to their hotel and DH and I opened them there the day after. My mom enjoyed seeing us open the gifts but I don't think anyone else would have.

doeydo · October 2013

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a breakfast or brunch the next day, but a "gift opening" doesn't sound like fun.

RebeccaB88 · October 2013

daveANDkristen said:

RebeccaB88 said:

And in contrast, there are always gift tables here, and I'd never heard of a card box until TK. You're expected to designate a gift table attendant. A card box still doesn't sit well with me because it feels like you're (generic you) expecting people to put money in it, like a money tree or dollar dance.

How is having a table available in case any guest brought a gift any more gift-grabby than having a box available in case any guest brought a card?

What you say makes perfect sense. I can see how that's logical. It's just not how it's looked at here, or how I've heard it explained. It's not that common to give cash gifts for a wedding. A few people do but most give boxed gifts and they usually bring them to the wedding. I know that's not technically proper, but it's done and guests get really annoyed if there isn't a gift table. Cards are usually just put on the gift table, but most people just don't give money. If they do, they send it ahead of time. I know my sister got less than $100 for a 150 person wedding. Most of my family believes that giving cash is impersonal and a little tacky. Not saying any of this is right, just my experience. But your statement makes sense.

Aray82 · October 2013

We are definitely doing a morning-after brunch to say goodbye to everyone, especially because FI's family and our friends will all be traveling from several states away, but we won't be opening gifts there--that'd be boring for all involved, I think.

melbelleup · October 2013

I am still undecided on to whether to do one or not. He thinks it's kind of stupid to just sit there and open up gifts. We went to one where they didn't register and "just wanted $100 bills" and we just watched the couple open up card after card.
We are registering for gifts and all of our guests will have to travel so I want some way to say good bye.
I'm just curious what other Knotties are doing!
And also I have been told by family (Ahem Father) that "only dumb farm people bring gifts to a wedding, they should be sent a head of time so that the new couples house is set up". Every wedding I have gone to I have had gift in hand and haven't heard this from anyone else but him. Is this a past tradition or is dad just a whack job(which we already know but just more of a whack job)?

Thanks Ladies!!

For brunch- I'm doing it. I had a blast watching my SIL open gifts the day after. That being said, it will just be my SIL, parents, brothers, FSIL, Fi's parents, brother and him. Just having breakfast and opening the goods.

I also bring a boxed gift for everything. It is typical to get cards at weddings, but I like the idea of buying something for their home.

melbelleup · October 2013

RebeccaB88 said:

And in contrast, there are always gift tables here, and I'd never heard of a card box until TK. You're expected to designate a gift table attendant. A card box still doesn't sit well with me because it feels like you're (generic you) expecting people to put money in it, like a money tree or dollar dance.
Card boxes don't mean they have to put money in it. It's just an easy way to keep all the cards together and keep them from walking off. I actually made my card box for $10. Though, my cousin is known to steal money out of cards so this is my main reason to have a card box. In order to open my card box, you basically have to spill ALL the cards out.. I'm pretty sure someone will notice this.

lynnernon · October 2013

A card box is mainly there to make sure that in case there are cash gifts in the cards, the cards don't walk off in a server/party crasher's pocket. When you make yours, make to secure it or make it obvious if someone was trying to pull something out. Ours wasn't locked or anything, but the lid was really difficult to open and it would have been very obvious if someone was opening it. My mom designed it to match our wedding decor as well.

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