Wedding etiquette from Lizzie Post

mzbda · October 2013

Is horrible. She basically says even though your parents pay for the wedding (if they are) they don't get a say. She also says gifts are required. No wonder there are so many crazy bridezillas out there relying on this kind of advice.

http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2013/10/wedding-etiquette-tips-from-li.html

KeptInStitches · October 2013

No! Bad, Lizzie, bad! Argh ...

Jen4948 · October 2013

mzbda said:

Is horrible. She basically says even though your parents pay for the wedding (if they are) they don't get a say. She also says gifts are required. No wonder there are so many crazy bridezillas out there relying on this kind of advice.

http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2013/10/wedding-etiquette-tips-from-li.html

I agree with you about the gifts. About the bolded, I got a different vibe: I think Lizzie Post was saying that even if parents are paying they shouldn't shut the couple out of plans for their own wedding day by making it all about stroking their own egos. And she does say that if the couple don't want to do what the parents want, then they shouldn't accept the parents' money, which agrees with what we've always said.

mzbda · October 2013

Maybe I am interpreting it wrong: "It's important to be respectful of the fact that parents are paying for it, but it doesn't mean that they get a say in it!" Post says.

mysticl · October 2013

mzbda said:

Is horrible. She basically says even though your parents pay for the wedding (if they are) they don't get a say. She also says gifts are required. No wonder there are so many crazy bridezillas out there relying on this kind of advice.

http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2013/10/wedding-etiquette-tips-from-li.html

My understanding has always been that proper bridal etiquette is to not expect gifts. However, proper guest etiquette is to take a gift.

banana468 · October 2013

Ditto @mysticl. You shouldn't expect a gift, but as a guest, you should give one. It's rude to ask for a present but as an invited guest, you should give SOMETHING.

We often discuss the appropriate behavior for the B&G, and forget that guests have obligations too.

mzbda · October 2013

I think you should give a gift if you attend a wedding, absolutely. However, I don't think it should be required.

kitty8403 · October 2013

I agree with @mysticl. We were always taught that with weddings, you should send a gift even if you don't go! It's like going to somebody's birthday party empty-handed. You aren't obligated, per se, but you really should.

daveANDkristen · October 2013

Lobster1987 said:

banana468 said:

Ditto @mysticl. You shouldn't expect a gift, but as a guest, you should give one. It's rude to ask for a present but as an invited guest, you should give SOMETHING. We often discuss the appropriate behavior for the B&G, and forget that guests have obligations too.

A guest is not obligated to bring a gift.

Of course a guest is not obligated to, I'm sure banana knows that. She just said that they should bring a gift. I put the expectation on myself to be a kind and gracious wedding guest, which I think includes giving a gift (no matter how small or large). But that doesn't mean it's ok for the B&G to expect or demand a gift from me.

banana468 · October 2013

Lobster1987 said:

banana468 said:

Ditto @mysticl. You shouldn't expect a gift, but as a guest, you should give one. It's rude to ask for a present but as an invited guest, you should give SOMETHING.

We often discuss the appropriate behavior for the B&G, and forget that guests have obligations too.

A guest is not obligated to bring a gift.

Yes they are. Well, technically they should send it in advance and not bring it to the event but they are supposed to give something.

Jen4948 · October 2013

mzbda said:

Maybe I am interpreting it wrong: "It's important to be respectful of the fact that parents are paying for it, but it doesn't mean that they get a say in it!" Post says.

Poorly worded, yes. I still get the impression that this doesn't mean literally that parents get no say in what they are paying for, because of course they do. I think Lizzie Post was trying to strike some kind of balance and say that they shouldn't use their money to bulldoze the couple into having a wedding they don't want just to make the parents happy. But again, she does say that if the couple doesn't want to have their wedding the way the parents want it, then they should pay for themselves and decline the parents' money, which is totally reasonable and correct.

banana468 · October 2013

@ daveANDkristen, thanks for phrasing that so well!

SP29 · October 2013

Interesting article.

This is super nit picky, but can I say how annoying it was to read "gonna" over and over again. If you are going to write a post about proper etiquette, use proper spelling.

Ok, off my catty soap box...

mzbda · October 2013

I'm a writer and say "gonna" all the time. But, I would never use it in an actual piece that I write, unless I was being cheeky. SMH.

lauralee1723 · October 2013

I couldn't even get through the article because she said "gonna" so many times.

mysticl · October 2013

Lizzie didn't write the article, she gave an interview. The person who wrote the article quoted her heavily. So the author wrote "gonna" because Lizzie said "gonna" instead of "going to".

88beautymarked · October 2013

banana468 said:

banana468 said:

Ditto @mysticl. You shouldn't expect a gift, but as a guest, you should give one. It's rude to ask for a present but as an invited guest, you should give SOMETHING. We often discuss the appropriate behavior for the B&G, and forget that guests have obligations too.

A guest is not obligated to bring a gift.
Yes they are. Well, technically they should send it in advance and not bring it to the event but they are supposed to give something.

I was always under the assumption that if you are attending a party/event/wedding where you are a guest and you are being hosted, you bring your host a gift. No, the host should never expect anything but you as a guest should bring a gift.

icecreamS04 · October 2013

What's the etiquette on giving a gift at a wedding. Is it required?
"Gifts are very much required at weddings," Post says. "A wedding is the only invitation you'll ever receive that requires a gift whether you choose to attend the wedding or not."

Is she serious about the gift bit? That's just pure insane!

banana468 · October 2013

It's not insane, but the caveat is that you're supposed to be close enough to the couple that the Invitation isn't fishing for gifts.

Wedding etiquette from Lizzie Post

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