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FI wants to elope.. and I don't.TH

ryannfuscryannfusc member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Hey guys, 

So I'm having a major issue here. A couple months ago my FI and I talked about eloping and just having a party when we got back. Long story short, we asked his mother to join us as our witness for our day because we're both very close to her. She shot us down saying it wasn't fair to his father (their divorced), my parents etc. After this I could tell he was really upset and hurt by her decision. This is when he said we should just have our wedding here in Jersey and leave it at that. I obviously want him to be happy on our wedding day too so I agreed and started to get ideas and plan. NOW he says he doesn't want a wedding because it's too stressful etc. Of course at this point I've gotten excited about the prospect of a wedding and was really looking forward to it so I'm obviously upset and confused. I'm not really sure what I'm expecting you guys to tell me, but I don't really have anyone who would know how to deal with all this wedding drama! I'm at my witts end. Any suggestions?

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Re: FI wants to elope.. and I don't.TH

  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You and he need to sit down and hammer out what you really want.  There is a big difference between a huge wedding and an elopement, with all styles.  Figure out why you both wanted to elope and then make a wedding fit around those issues.  What does he think is going to be stressful?  How can that be mitigated.  It might take some work, but it's not impossible.
    �
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  • msdds51msdds51 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2013

    I agree with pp.  You could have all parents at a small elopement type ceremony and do the party when you get back, still.  It wouldn't be that much different.  If that's really not what you want, though, you need to be clear about it so you don't have any regrets. 

    As far as the "stress" goes... I'm a project manager so I thrive on organizing projects like this and my FI is a med student who has no concept of working on a long term project.  He got overwhelmed by wedding stuff at one point so I sat down one day with my checklist and scheduled time on his google calendar for every item so that I wasn't throwing everything at him at once and we knew what we needed to get done and when.  It made it much more manageable being able to physically SEE that it was all going to get done in plenty of time and wouldn't require more than an a couple hours a month MAX.

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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    You have lots of options. Just a few:

    - elope, just the two of you (with a photographer as witness if need be)
    - have a very small wedding with just you and all the parents and go out to dinner
    - have a slightly larger wedding with just close family and friends and a casual reception

    Sit down with your FH and discuss your options. What do you want out of this wedding? What are your priorities? How do you want it to feel? What are the things that he finds stressful and are there ways to minimize them?
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  • ryannfuscryannfusc member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thank you guys! I'm going to suggest the google calendar option! I think he would really like that.
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