My first attendance to a full-mass Catholic wedding

[Deleted User] · October 2013

FI and I are going to his friend's wedding next month, a few weeks before ours. There's just a few things I noticed while perusing their website:

They have a 22-person WP, not including the the 7 ushers. I mean, it's not wrong to have a lot of people in your WP but sheesh!

There will be a two hour gap between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of cocktail hour. Granted, the church is two blocks away from the reception sight but I'm not looking forward to having to wait for food after a long ceremony.

On their registry page they gave the stores and this little special snowflake:

To support us on our special day,

You may bring a gift the usual way.

Or perhaps you may like to try

A gift card or cash with which we could buy

A house, a car, you never can tell.

For this we'll provide a wishing well.

The wishing well will be at the reception

Where you can put in your card to express your affection

As you drop in your gift great or small,
Make your wish as you watch it fall.

photokitty · October 2013

That sucks, but i was expecting something different based on the title. Not sure why it is a full Catholic mass matters.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

I just meant that I've never been to one before so it will be a learning experience. The longest ceremony I've witnessed was twenty minutes and I've heard that a full Catholic mass runs much longer. I don't go to church so I don't know everything that comes with it.

SlothGoals · October 2013

A Catholic wedding with a full Nuptial Mass will probably run you about an hour.

manateehugger · October 2013

For the most part, you'll just sit and watch the ceremony like you would for any other. It will be on the longer side.

There will be standing and kneeling parts; as a non-Catholic, I stand when everyone else stands out of respect, but I just stay in my seat when others kneel.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

JordanF13 said:

FI and I are going to his friend's wedding next month, a few weeks before ours. There's just a few things I noticed while perusing their website:

They have a 22-person WP, not including the the 7 ushers. I mean, it's not wrong to have a lot of people in your WP but sheesh!

There will be a two hour gap between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of cocktail hour. Granted, the church is two blocks away from the reception sight but I'm not looking forward to having to wait for food after a long ceremony.

On their registry page they gave the stores and this little special snowflake:

To support us on our special day,
You may bring a gift the usual way.
Or perhaps you may like to try
A gift card or cash with which we could buy
A house, a car, you never can tell.
For this we'll provide a wishing well.
The wishing well will be at the reception
Where you can put in your card to express your affection
As you drop in your gift great or small,
Make your wish as you watch it fall.

aurianna · October 2013

Our wedding was full Catholic mass.
Ceremony at 5. Cocktail hour with passed apps and dinner reception immediately followed.
No mention of the registry on the invites and no mention of money on the webpage. No wishing wells.
Also, on our website in the ceremony section we linked to a page that explained the general outline of a Catholic wedding (it also mentioned when people tend to stand/kneel) for any of the guests' easy reference if they wanted to know what to expect (I'd say only a fourth of the guests were Catholic).

Don't let these people sour you on Catholic weddings.

Hopefully if there are lots of non-Catholics the priest will be good about guiding everyone through it. Our priest was good about guiding people when to sit and stand, and during communion he said that anyone not Catholic was still welcome to come up to receive the sign of peace. If it's heavily Catholic group though, you might be on your own.

Just do and say what everyone else does. Except communion. Try to stay in your seat during that... If you end up getting caught up in the rush and processed to the front, when you get to the priest just cross your arms over your chest and then the priest will either bless you or offer you his hand in peace (now... if you end up not being in front of the priest but rather a Eucharistic minister, do the same thing but realize they might be confused... I'd just keep my arms crossed over my chest, say thanks softly and then follow everyone else back to the seats at that point)

aurianna · October 2013

Double Post

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

What time does the ceremony start, and what time does the cocktail hour start? People want a catholic wedding but an evening reception and this gap is what happens. I've been lucky to not have gone to many weddings with gaps. And if there was one, usually I was staying in a hotel anyway, so I just hung out in the bar or something.

As for the ceremony, I'm an atheist from a catholic family and I do the same as PDKH. Stand when everyone stands, sit when others kneel, and don't go up to get communion.

The poem is tacky!

[Deleted User] · October 2013

Thanks everyone for your advice! The ceremony is at 1 and the cocktail hour's at 4. I'll do my best to follow the crowd and stand and sit when they do.

The poem made me cringe. FI and I are probably going to get them a gift card for one of their registries. FI will probably want to throw a dollar in the stupid wishing well, sigh.

JustNicki · October 2013

Like @aurianna said, please don't let this bias you against traditional Catholic weddings. A lot of things are messed up about Catholicism (part of why I don't practice although I was raised Catholic), but I don't see any evidence of that in this particular case.

Like others have said, just stand when everyone else stands and feel free to sit when everyone kneels. Also, if you're wearing a strapless dress, bring a shawl or sweater for the church (you don't have to do this, but it's respectful). The gap does sound annoying, and that poem made me cringe so hard I almost shrank into myself!

banana468 · October 2013

The poem gives them a reason to head to Confession before they receive that Sacrament.

Ditto PPs on the rest of the things to do. Also, if you have a strapless dress that you're planning to wear, I'd put on a shawl or shrug for the ceremony to be more conservative. If you can, see if the church has a webpage. Some parishes are more conservative than others. DH's family attend a parish where some of the parishioners even wear a head covering. You want to make sure that you have respect for the surroundings.

Do not receive communion but do offer signs of peace.

And if there's going to be a wishing well, send them a wish for a better poet.

JustNicki · October 2013

banana468 said:

The poem gives them a reason to head to Confession before they receive that Sacrament.

Ditto PPs on the rest of the things to do. Also, if you have a strapless dress that you're planning to wear, I'd put on a shawl or shrug for the ceremony to be more conservative. If you can, see if the church has a webpage. Some parishes are more conservative than others. DH's family attend a parish where some of the parishioners even wear a head covering. You want to make sure that you have respect for the surroundings.

Do not receive communion but do offer signs of peace.

And if there's going to be a wishing well, send them a wish for a better poet.

I just gave an unladylike snort. lol

marshmallow1982 · October 2013

BTW the tacky poem and the gap thing are not standard for catholic weddings. Not all catholics are greedy!

I have been to lots (big catholic family) and never seen a poem like that or anyone ask for cash.

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

banana468 said:

The poem gives them a reason to head to Confession before they receive that Sacrament.

Ditto PPs on the rest of the things to do. Also, if you have a strapless dress that you're planning to wear, I'd put on a shawl or shrug for the ceremony to be more conservative. If you can, see if the church has a webpage. Some parishes are more conservative than others. DH's family attend a parish where some of the parishioners even wear a head covering. You want to make sure that you have respect for the surroundings.

Do not receive communion but do offer signs of peace.

And if there's going to be a wishing well, send them a wish for a better poet.

Love it!

[Deleted User] · October 2013

Thanks! The dress I'm wearing is sleeveless with a high neckline. I'll check the church's website to see if there are any attire requirements.

See, this is why I love this community. I'm always learning something here, plus I'll be sure to come back and update everyone about how it goes!

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

Why oh why, Lord, do people think crappy poetry gives license to ask for presents? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

aurorajanette · October 2013

Maybe you should honor their wish with something you'd typically put in a wishing well... a penny.

They sound like a tacky pair.

climbingsingle · October 2013

That poem is the worst!

APDSS22 · October 2013

banana468 said:

The poem gives them a reason to head to Confession before they receive that Sacrament.

Ditto PPs on the rest of the things to do. Also, if you have a strapless dress that you're planning to wear, I'd put on a shawl or shrug for the ceremony to be more conservative. If you can, see if the church has a webpage. Some parishes are more conservative than others. DH's family attend a parish where some of the parishioners even wear a head covering. You want to make sure that you have respect for the surroundings.

Do not receive communion but do offer signs of peace.

And if there's going to be a wishing well, send them a wish for a better poet.

That made me giggle. My Catholic wedding and mass lasted pretty much on the nose 60 minutes. (Which for me flew by but I'm sure not for some of our guests who are protestant.) Just be respectful as PP have said. It's usually fairly easy to follow along. That poem is ridiculous.

MrsLillyG · October 2013

just some tips on the full catholic mass ceremony that non-catholics may not know: stand/kneel when everyone else does, cover your shoulders, and DONT EAT THE EUCHARIST (circular flattened bread that a bunch of people will line up to go get).

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

JordanF13 said:

Thanks! The dress I'm wearing is sleeveless with a high neckline. I'll check the church's website to see if there are any attire requirements.

See, this is why I love this community. I'm always learning something here, plus I'll be sure to come back and update everyone about how it goes!

That should be fine. I have been to plenty of Catholic weddings, and I'm having one next year, and strapless gowns were never prohibited in any of the churches I have been in; Not for the Bride, bridal party, or guests. In fact almost all of the BM gowns I had to wear in those weddings were strapless. We were not made to cover up in any fashion.

I asked my pastor about strapless gowns (didn't end up getting one) and he said the only attire restriction is that no one can be buck naked!

banana468 · October 2013

The strapless thing can vary from parish to parish. The church coordinator specifically requested no strapless or low cut dresses for me or the BP.

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

JordanF13 said:

Thanks! The dress I'm wearing is sleeveless with a high neckline. I'll check the church's website to see if there are any attire requirements.

See, this is why I love this community. I'm always learning something here, plus I'll be sure to come back and update everyone about how it goes!

That should be fine. I have been to plenty of Catholic weddings, and I'm having one next year, and strapless gowns were never prohibited in any of the churches I have been in; Not for the Bride, bridal party, or guests. In fact almost all of the BM gowns I had to wear in those weddings were strapless. We were not made to cover up in any fashion.

I asked my pastor about strapless gowns (didn't end up getting one) and he said the only attire restriction is that no one can be buck naked!

Although many churches are not as strict as they used to be, I would still err on the side of caution on the dress. A simple pashmina/wrap/jacket would do the trick, and you can always ditch it once the reception comes along.

As far as the ceremony, they are usually very nice but long (around an hour) as long as you follow the crowd for the standing and just remain seated for the kneeling you will be fine. Also just remain seated when everyone else gets up to receive communion. Have fun!

Emmy1493 · October 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

JordanF13 said:

FI and I are going to his friend's wedding next month, a few weeks before ours. There's just a few things I noticed while perusing their website:

They have a 22-person WP, not including the the 7 ushers. I mean, it's not wrong to have a lot of people in your WP but sheesh!

There will be a two hour gap between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of cocktail hour. Granted, the church is two blocks away from the reception sight but I'm not looking forward to having to wait for food after a long ceremony.

On their registry page they gave the stores and this little special snowflake:

To support us on our special day,
You may bring a gift the usual way.
Or perhaps you may like to try
A gift card or cash with which we could buy
A house, a car, you never can tell.
For this we'll provide a wishing well.
The wishing well will be at the reception
Where you can put in your card to express your affection
As you drop in your gift great or small,
Make your wish as you watch it fall.

BAAHHAA!! I tried SO hard not to laugh in my quite office! Best GIF, EVER!

My first attendance to a full-mass Catholic wedding

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